Cycling Through Life

In my spare time, I love bicycling. Florida has great bike trails. And, before moving to Florida, I pedaled the Blue Ridge Parkway in southern Virginia, where I came to love the climb to Thunder Ridge, the highest point in Virginia on the Parkway. From the James River basin, it's 12.5 miles--all uphill--to Thunder Ridge. The 3600 foot ascent is no joke. I’ve done it more times than I can remember…and it’s tough every time. I enjoy it, but I wouldn’t call it fun. It’s hard. It’s challenging. It’s exhausting. It’s relentless. But, you know what else it is?
It’s rewarding. It’s gratifying. I’ve never reached the Ridge and regretted the ride.
Why? Because 1) the view from the top is amazing and; 2) I’m different at the top than I was at the bottom: my legs, my lungs, my heart—and my spirit—all better for the work. The journey teaches me every time—about pacing and persistence, about staying "in the saddle." I learn that, although it isn’t easy, it’s definitely worth it.
And that’s true for all the best things in life.
It's certainly true of marriage.

Cycling Through Love

All those words that describe the mountain also describe marriage: hard, challenging, sometimes exhausting. Truly, marriage is not all uphill. The analogy is not perfect. But, sometimes marriage is not fun. Sometimes we struggle. Sometimes, it’s a grind. And, just like on the bike, it’s tempting at times to give up.

But, that isn’t why I came. I didn’t come to quit.

Sadly though, with marriage, too many couples do. Aiming for the summit, with high hopes, they start off well. But it gets hard, grueling, not what they expected. So, they quit. They tap out. They cheat. Some "quit quietly." They just stop trying. Marriages die in many ways. There’s more than one way to leave.

Sometimes, when I have miles still to go on the mountain, I play a little game in my head that helps me stay in it. I pick a spot twenty or so feet ahead and tell myself, “Just get to that spot…just a few feet.”

And, when I get there, I pick another spot twenty more feet ahead. 

I don’t think about climbing to the top…just climbing a little bit more.

Some days in your relationship, you can’t think about solving all your troubles, resolving all your conflict. So, just make this day good. Just love your partner for this day. Just make it through this week. 

The author Robert Anderson said, “Every marriage has grounds for divorce. The trick is to find grounds for marriage.” So, find a reason to stay on the mountain one more day, one more moment, aiming for higher ground.

John Gottman discovered that the majority of couples who stay in the game, even—especially—when it’s tough, say later that they’re glad they did. Perhaps it’s because the view from the top is great. They’re stronger for the trip and, best of all, it may not be easy, but it’s worth it.

It’s so worth it.

Commit to the Climb

If you’re one of those couples committed to the climb, in it for the long haul, but maybe are feeling depleted because the mountain is so steep and you're tired, don't quit. Let me suggest a Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat. You can get to the top. And a little coaching along the way makes the journey easier and more enjoyable. Don’t just endure the hard times. Hold Me Tight®️ will help you and your partner team up to smooth out the steep places. Imagine facing challenges and actually becoming stronger, closer for the effort. Believe me, it’s possible. Couples like that are bulletproof! That’s what Hold Me Tight®️ can do. 

The science behind Hold Me Tight®️ makes sense. The tools are practical and the confidence you’ll gain together will make mountains more like mere bumps in the road.

No one ever said marriage is easy. But, if you stay in the journey, and with Hold Me Tight®️ guiding you, you’ll find that, even if it isn’t easy, it’s worth it. 

It’s SO WORTH IT.

Our next couples retreat in Florida is next month. Commit to the climb! Sign up today.


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The View from the Top is Worth the Work!

Couples who attend a Hold Me Tight couples retreat in Florida learn to reach higher ground in their relationship

Have a Safety Plan

The "Other Side" of the Coin

By Mark Beck • July 17, 2025
In my last blog post, we said that the most vital skill for any strong relationship is empathy. (If you haven’t seen that blog, check out “The One Skill Your Relationship Can’t Do Without”.) Empathy is vital in love. But, empathy is not the only important skill. That hit record has a flip side. What is it? It’s vulnerability. Close connection in love demands vulnerability, almost by definition. Vulnerability: the willingness to open up, to show and share the deep stuff: wishes, needs, fears, uncertainties, insecurities, the things about us that we often prefer to hide. In any healthy relationship, vulnerability and empathy go hand in hand. Each makes the other possible. Without them, couples live at arm’s length, “hiding in plain sight,” like intimate strangers. They might be together…might even be married, but they aren’t close. Maybe you know this all too well. Maybe you live it everyday.

The One Skill Your Relationship Can't Do Without

By Mark Beck • July 14, 2025
Lots of things make for a healthy relationship: affirmation, trust, sacrifice, forgiveness, commitment. But, maybe the most important skill, the one no healthy relationship can do without…is empathy. Empathy is the ability to recognize and convey not only your emotions, but your partner’s emotions as well. Humans are bonding mammals and emotions are how we bond. Emotional connection is the lifeblood of any relationship. Your partner needs to know that you “get them,” that you understand their world, that you support and believe in them, that you are there for them. Empathy gets all that across.

Maintenance is Key

By Mark Beck • July 7, 2025
My wife and I bought a car recently. Not a new car, just new to us. We spent a small fortune on it and I’m determined to take good care of it. I vacuum it religiously. I check the fluids, tire pressure, mileage. I keep it clean, inside and out. I wash it at least once a week and am careful not to track a lot of dirt inside it. I’ve watched You Tube videos on simple maintenance such as oil changes, tire rotation and so forth. I’m no master mechanic, but I like to do the little things any shade tree mechanic might. We keep it out of direct sun when we can and drive as carefully as possible.

Trust is Key

By Mark Beck • June 25, 2025
I had a strange experience recently. I was out of town (in Texas, actually) and absentmindedly left my phone in a WalMart restroom (big mistake, but I know I’m not the first). I realized what I’d done less than 20 minutes later and headed back for my phone. Too late…it was gone. Now, if you found a lost cell phone, what would you do? You’d probably try to contact the owner or at least leave it with someone responsible. You’d make a good faith effort. Most people would. But, not all. With my wife’s phone, I called my number and, sure enough, someone answered. He indeed had picked up my phone. I was relieved…for a second. Then, the guy told me he’d happily return the phone to me…for $200, via Cash App. I don’t know who was dumber: me for leaving my phone behind or him for thinking I’d give him a dime to get it back. We both knew one thing: whether I paid him or not, I’d never see that phone again. It was a sad lesson in broken trust as my faith in humanity slipped a few notches. Chalk one up for the school of hard knocks.

Change Your Viewing

By Mark Beck • May 29, 2025
What is the first step to changing our station in life, changing a situation or a relationship? I suggest it starts with changing how we view things, how we look at the problem or the person. Do we see burden or a blessing…obligation or opportunity? Often, when we’re stuck, say, in a difficult relationship, we see our partner as an opponent. He or she is the problem. We may even go find a therapist whom we hope will “fix” our partner. We focus on the other’s weakness, faults and failures, how they let us down and miss the mark. If that is your focus, then the more you look, the more you will see. Most couples who come to me for therapy are so focused on their partner’s problems that they can’t see anything else. They are often stuck in blame and negativity. And what we see informs what we believe. If we see only the bad in our partner, it’s easy to believe that he or she doesn’t love us or that the relationship is hopeless. That’s when couples don’t call me; they call lawyers.

We All Need Predictability

By Mark Beck • April 25, 2025
If you are invested in the stock market, it’s been a roller coaster lately. Indeed, perhaps the best short run strategy is to close your eyes and hold on and ride it out—just like on a roller coaster! However you view the market moves we’re seeing—tariffs and the like—one thing is pretty clear: markets don’t like unpredictability. Uncertainty makes markets very nervous. Hence, lots of ups and downs make for tension and trouble. It’s human nature; unpredictability is stressful in any context.

Safety First

By Mark Beck • April 1, 2025
A local factory required all of its employees to attend a safety class. One fellow didn’t really pay attention and when the final exam at the end of the class asked, “In case of a fire, what steps would you take?” the fellow answered, “Large ones!” “Safety First” is a wise strategy, everywhere from the workplace to the highway to healthcare to childcare. Injuries and accidents cost multiplied billions every year and it’s always better to prevent an accident than to treat one. Whatever the setting, people do better when they feel safe.

Curious or Critical

By Mark Beck • March 14, 2025
Somebody said, “Marriage is a never ending conversation.” I think that’s true. It certainly is a never ending education. That’s part of what makes it fun. Everyday I learn something about my wife, Debbie, about how she sees the world and sees me. And I’m often surprised at our different perspectives. We were on the verge of an argument the other day, simply because we both saw the situation very differently. Neither of us were wrong. But, once I realized how Debbie saw things, I understood her actions and reactions much better. And I realized again that a real key to connection lies in understanding, more than being understood. The late Sue Johnson used to say, “People calm down when they feel understood.” I’ve certainly found that to be true.

Love Is a Team Sport

By Mark Beck • January 29, 2025
If you’re a sports fan (specifically, football) this is your favorite time of year. The NFL playoffs showcase the best of the best and even for the non-fanatics out there, some important truths are evident. Football, like many other sports, is a team game. For sure, individual superstars shine, but only because those around them pull together for a common goal. The best teams operate as one. Eleven players, all on the same page: focused, supportive, picking each other up, pursuing the same goal. When they do, they become more than the sum of their parts…highly efficient. They minimize mistakes and overcome them when they happen. When adversity hits, lesser teams slip into fault finding, sniping and looking out for number one. In any sport, if teammates ever become opponents, they can’t win. It’s game over.

Relationship Rescue

By Mark Beck • January 24, 2025
You might remember the cruise ship Costa Concordia that foundered off the coast of Italy in 2012 after her captain carelessly steered her too close to shore. Rocks tore a 175 foot gash in her hull and the ship listed severely to her starboard side, taking on water and running aground. Ultimately, 32 people died and the recovery cost about $2 billion. Perhaps the greatest blunder though, was that the captain waited over an hour to give the order to abandon ship. For such negligence, he was ultimately convicted of manslaughter and sentenced to 15 years. Indeed, he left the ship with 300 passengers still on board! (He said he “fell” into a lifeboat as it was being lowered.)
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