Couples in distress usually have one nagging question that they can’t seem to figure out: “How did we get here? What happened to us? We started out deeply in love, starry eyed, confident and sure it would last forever. But look at us now. How did we fall out of love?”

Someone said that love is like a deck of cards. We start out with two hearts and a diamond; we end up looking for a club and a spade. Indeed, how does that happen? How do couples too often go from newlywed to nearly dead? No two couples are the same, but they often end up asking that same question. 

And the answers are many and varied. There is usually no shortage of blame to go around. Most troubled couples can list all their partner’s faults and failures. (I get to hear both sides when they come to me for therapy. Each is an expert on why their partner is the bad guy.
A couple hugs one another on the beach representing the improved connection that comes after a Couples Retreat in Orlando, FL. Couples Retreats are available to couples in Florida, Georgia, Alabama, and beyond.

It’s More than a Lack of Love

As couples ask, “What is it? What happened to us?” I’ll tell you what it isn’t. It isn’t a lack of love. Most couples who fail love each other—very much. And it isn’t about money or sex or religion or in-laws or children or any of the countless other things couples fight about. 


It’s something deeper, more basic. This is one of the things we learn together in a Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat. Hold Me Tight®️ is based in attachment science. Years of research and results have taught us that all humans, from cradle to coffin, crave connection, a safe dependable bond with a partner who is there for us…who sees us, values us, responds to us, accepts and embraces us unconditionally. That connection is the essence of love. And it’s the loss of that connection that spells trouble for any intimate relationship.

It’s a Lack of Connection

So, it’s a loss of connection. That’s where relationships suffer and fail. All the well intended skills building and negotiating and problem solving in the world are useless without a safe, dependable bond. So, that’s where we start in a Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat. We help couples learn what’s really happening when we conflict, when we pull apart and put up our walls. We learn about how and why we end up distant and disconnected. Then, we set about changing the conversation.

A couple holds hands as the watch the waves roll in. Improve your communication and connection with a Retreat for Couples in Orlando, FL. Couples Retreats are available to couples in Florida, North Carolina, Virginia, and beyond.

The Conversation has to Change

Couples in distress are often stuck in debates, cycles of blame and defensiveness. They try to convince one another who is right and who is wrong. They litigate, try to make their case and, while both are talking, neither is listening, neither is connecting. Conversations become confrontations and those cycles go around and around. This is where couples begin to lose hope. When everything you try gets you to the same place—still disconnected, when nothing you try works, before long you being to believe that nothing you try will ever work. That’s when couples throw in the towel.

Hold Me Tight®️ Couples Retreats are About Going Deeper

In a Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat, we change the conversation. We help couples understand better what they really need and how to share that. A Hold Me Tight®️ retreat is not just learning. It’s also doing. Couples get to have the conversations they never knew they needed to have, or how to have them. Couples venture into the waters of empathy and vulnerability. Mind you, we don’t twist arms. Couples go at their own pace. But they learn to have conversations, not confrontations. And they leave understanding better how to have and hold the connection that we all crave.

A happy couple splashes in the ocean. Gain happiness and connection with a Couples Retreat in Orlando, FL today. Retreats for Couples are available in Florida, South Carolina, Georgia, and beyond.

Ready to Improve Your Connection? Sign up for Our Upcoming Couples Retreat in Florida Today!

A Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat is about strengthening connection and deepening communication in the relationship that most matters to you. In just two days, you will discover a road map to finding and keeping a connection that lasts for the long run. Couples the world over have learned the lessons of love in Hold Me Tight®️. You and your partner can be one of them. 



An ocean sunset. Join a Couples Retreat in Orlando Florida and see how wonderful your relationship can be. Retreats for Couples are available in Florida and Beyond.

Have a Safety Plan

Time for an Update?

By Mark Beck • September 16, 2025
Like over 90% of Americans, I own a smartphone. It’s definitely a love/hate relationship. My phone frequently notifies me of a software update. It’s pretty easy to update my phone, and even more important. But, why update the software? I asked Google and here’s what it told me: “Smartphone software updates are crucial for enhancing security by patching vulnerabilities, improving stability by fixing bugs and glitches, and optimizing performance for a smoother experience.” Sounds good to me. All I know is: updates matter. They keep my phone working well. They are as beneficial as they are necessary. But, it occurs to me that not just smartphones need updates. Smart relationships do too.

Connection is the Key

By Mark Beck • August 25, 2025
What makes couples fall in love? Is it looks, sexual chemistry, personality? Is it the car you drive? (Kidding). Attachment science says it’s connection…a safe emotional connection. Connection is the key. By that, we mean that when we feel seen, heard, valued, as if we matter, we feel safe. We feel understood and trusted and cared for; that’s called safe attachment. And we fall in love. On the other hand, when and why do couples fail? What's missing? It’s the same word—connection. Specifically, it’s the lack of it. A thousand things can pull couples apart over time. Stress from jobs, money, children, family demands, depression, addictions, the challenges and changes life throws at us can all put the pressure on. But, problems alone need not destroy a relationship. It’s when we don’t “turn toward” one another to manage those problems. When we distance and disconnect; that’s when we end up alone, even in the same household, living parallel lives. How do we reconnect?

Prevention is Best

By Mark Beck • August 18, 2025
Benjamin Franklin famously said, “An ounce of prevention beats a pound of cure.” I think he was right. Preventing heart disease, for example (with exercise and a healthy diet) beats cardiac bypass surgery by a mile. An oil change on your car is way better than an engine rebuild. Prevention is easier, faster and cheaper almost every time. It’s true in relationships too. Love is meant to last a lifetime. But a relationship left unattended will eventually wear out—and many do. Repairing it in couples therapy is often expensive, difficult and time consuming. Instead, a little attention along the way can help you avoid those costly repairs.

The "Other Side" of the Coin

By Mark Beck • July 17, 2025
In my last blog post, we said that the most vital skill for any strong relationship is empathy. (If you haven’t seen that blog, check out “The One Skill Your Relationship Can’t Do Without”.) Empathy is vital in love. But, empathy is not the only important skill. That hit record has a flip side. What is it? It’s vulnerability. Close connection in love demands vulnerability, almost by definition. Vulnerability: the willingness to open up, to show and share the deep stuff: wishes, needs, fears, uncertainties, insecurities, the things about us that we often prefer to hide. In any healthy relationship, vulnerability and empathy go hand in hand. Each makes the other possible. Without them, couples live at arm’s length, “hiding in plain sight,” like intimate strangers. They might be together…might even be married, but they aren’t close. Maybe you know this all too well. Maybe you live it everyday.

The One Skill Your Relationship Can't Do Without

By Mark Beck • July 14, 2025
Lots of things make for a healthy relationship: affirmation, trust, sacrifice, forgiveness, commitment. But, maybe the most important skill, the one no healthy relationship can do without…is empathy. Empathy is the ability to recognize and convey not only your emotions, but your partner’s emotions as well. Humans are bonding mammals and emotions are how we bond. Emotional connection is the lifeblood of any relationship. Your partner needs to know that you “get them,” that you understand their world, that you support and believe in them, that you are there for them. Empathy gets all that across.

Maintenance is Key

By Mark Beck • July 7, 2025
My wife and I bought a car recently. Not a new car, just new to us. We spent a small fortune on it and I’m determined to take good care of it. I vacuum it religiously. I check the fluids, tire pressure, mileage. I keep it clean, inside and out. I wash it at least once a week and am careful not to track a lot of dirt inside it. I’ve watched You Tube videos on simple maintenance such as oil changes, tire rotation and so forth. I’m no master mechanic, but I like to do the little things any shade tree mechanic might. We keep it out of direct sun when we can and drive as carefully as possible.

Trust is Key

By Mark Beck • June 25, 2025
I had a strange experience recently. I was out of town (in Texas, actually) and absentmindedly left my phone in a WalMart restroom (big mistake, but I know I’m not the first). I realized what I’d done less than 20 minutes later and headed back for my phone. Too late…it was gone. Now, if you found a lost cell phone, what would you do? You’d probably try to contact the owner or at least leave it with someone responsible. You’d make a good faith effort. Most people would. But, not all. With my wife’s phone, I called my number and, sure enough, someone answered. He indeed had picked up my phone. I was relieved…for a second. Then, the guy told me he’d happily return the phone to me…for $200, via Cash App. I don’t know who was dumber: me for leaving my phone behind or him for thinking I’d give him a dime to get it back. We both knew one thing: whether I paid him or not, I’d never see that phone again. It was a sad lesson in broken trust as my faith in humanity slipped a few notches. Chalk one up for the school of hard knocks.

Change Your Viewing

By Mark Beck • May 29, 2025
What is the first step to changing our station in life, changing a situation or a relationship? I suggest it starts with changing how we view things, how we look at the problem or the person. Do we see burden or a blessing…obligation or opportunity? Often, when we’re stuck, say, in a difficult relationship, we see our partner as an opponent. He or she is the problem. We may even go find a therapist whom we hope will “fix” our partner. We focus on the other’s weakness, faults and failures, how they let us down and miss the mark. If that is your focus, then the more you look, the more you will see. Most couples who come to me for therapy are so focused on their partner’s problems that they can’t see anything else. They are often stuck in blame and negativity. And what we see informs what we believe. If we see only the bad in our partner, it’s easy to believe that he or she doesn’t love us or that the relationship is hopeless. That’s when couples don’t call me; they call lawyers.

We All Need Predictability

By Mark Beck • April 25, 2025
If you are invested in the stock market, it’s been a roller coaster lately. Indeed, perhaps the best short run strategy is to close your eyes and hold on and ride it out—just like on a roller coaster! However you view the market moves we’re seeing—tariffs and the like—one thing is pretty clear: markets don’t like unpredictability. Uncertainty makes markets very nervous. Hence, lots of ups and downs make for tension and trouble. It’s human nature; unpredictability is stressful in any context.

Safety First

By Mark Beck • April 1, 2025
A local factory required all of its employees to attend a safety class. One fellow didn’t really pay attention and when the final exam at the end of the class asked, “In case of a fire, what steps would you take?” the fellow answered, “Large ones!” “Safety First” is a wise strategy, everywhere from the workplace to the highway to healthcare to childcare. Injuries and accidents cost multiplied billions every year and it’s always better to prevent an accident than to treat one. Whatever the setting, people do better when they feel safe.
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