What Can I Expect?


Feedback From our Recent Retreat

Having just completed another Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat, I want to pass on some of the feedback that we received from our participants…and answer some of the questions that people often ask before signing up, especially if a relationship workshop is uncharted water. It takes a measure of courage to try anything for the first time, but nothing ventured is certainly nothing gained. 


So many couples are stuck in ruts: ruts of mediocrity or, worse, ruts of unending disconnection and distance. They want to be closer, but just don’t know what to do. So they do what they’ve always done and get what they’ve always gotten. And little by little, hope fades. 


It doesn’t have to be that way.



Results Can Be Amazing

Time and time again, couples leave a Hold Me Tight®️ retreat better connected than ever before. When asked to sum up the experience, one of our couples just this week said, “This workshop is seeing for the blind and hearing for the deaf.” That’s pretty exciting, especially for couples who say that they were about to give up on their relationship. Another of our couples said, “These two days were like buying the wedding ring again.”


Let me be clear, no retreat works miracles. We don’t do rebuilds in two days. But we do help couples make sense of conflict and hurts that so often make no sense. And we give couples a map, a path forward and the hope and confidence that they walk that path together. What we all really need of love is to know that we aren’t alone, that our partner values us and supports us. We can endure what life throws at us as long as we turn toward one another and go together. Hold Me Tight®️ will show you how.


Questions for Those Who've Never Attended

First of all, many people wonder, “What goes on at one of these retreats?” Good question. Hold Me Tight®️ is not therapy. Your two co-leaders (Vicki and Mark) are licensed therapists with years of experience (so, you’re in good hands) but this retreat is not therapy. It’s a learning experience with other couples. Over two days together, we alternate between learning and doing. We learn in small bites some of what attachment science has taught us. Hold Me Tight®️ is rooted in years of solid research. Then we break out in private spaces and couples have guided conversations together with each other. Each conversation builds on the one before. 


But, you go at your own pace. You don’t earn a grade or a certificate. You don’t have to pass a test at the end. There is no “pass/fail.” It’s just time in a safe place with your partner, connecting in ways you may never have before.


Hold Me Tight®️ is a group experience. Thus, it’s very different from just reading a book with your partner or taking a course online. You will be with other couples and, while no two couples are the same, you will learn how very much you have in common with others. Couples in distress often think that no couple could be as stuck or hopeless as they are. You’ll be surprised and comforted to see you aren’t alone. We have time for discussion and questions and often, friendships form in just two days. But no one is ever put on the spot or singled out. No one will ask you to “air your dirty laundry.” You share as much or as little as you please. More than anything, Job 1 for Vicki and Mark is to make Hold Me Tight®️ a safe place for every couple that attends.

Don't Miss This Chance

All in all, Hold Me Tight®️ is a gift that keeps on giving. Couples literally from all walks of life have attended our Hold Me Tight®️ retreat in Orlando. Every one of them has survived! And most go home knowing that they changed over two days, sometimes profoundly and permanently. But don’t take my word for it. Do the homework; ask your questions. Check out the details on this site and others and then, take the plunge! Sign up for our next retreat in Orlando. You’ll be glad you did!



Have a Safety Plan

The "Other Side" of the Coin

By Mark Beck • July 17, 2025
In my last blog post, we said that the most vital skill for any strong relationship is empathy. (If you haven’t seen that blog, check out “The One Skill Your Relationship Can’t Do Without”.) Empathy is vital in love. But, empathy is not the only important skill. That hit record has a flip side. What is it? It’s vulnerability. Close connection in love demands vulnerability, almost by definition. Vulnerability: the willingness to open up, to show and share the deep stuff: wishes, needs, fears, uncertainties, insecurities, the things about us that we often prefer to hide. In any healthy relationship, vulnerability and empathy go hand in hand. Each makes the other possible. Without them, couples live at arm’s length, “hiding in plain sight,” like intimate strangers. They might be together…might even be married, but they aren’t close. Maybe you know this all too well. Maybe you live it everyday.

The One Skill Your Relationship Can't Do Without

By Mark Beck • July 14, 2025
Lots of things make for a healthy relationship: affirmation, trust, sacrifice, forgiveness, commitment. But, maybe the most important skill, the one no healthy relationship can do without…is empathy. Empathy is the ability to recognize and convey not only your emotions, but your partner’s emotions as well. Humans are bonding mammals and emotions are how we bond. Emotional connection is the lifeblood of any relationship. Your partner needs to know that you “get them,” that you understand their world, that you support and believe in them, that you are there for them. Empathy gets all that across.

Maintenance is Key

By Mark Beck • July 7, 2025
My wife and I bought a car recently. Not a new car, just new to us. We spent a small fortune on it and I’m determined to take good care of it. I vacuum it religiously. I check the fluids, tire pressure, mileage. I keep it clean, inside and out. I wash it at least once a week and am careful not to track a lot of dirt inside it. I’ve watched You Tube videos on simple maintenance such as oil changes, tire rotation and so forth. I’m no master mechanic, but I like to do the little things any shade tree mechanic might. We keep it out of direct sun when we can and drive as carefully as possible.

Trust is Key

By Mark Beck • June 25, 2025
I had a strange experience recently. I was out of town (in Texas, actually) and absentmindedly left my phone in a WalMart restroom (big mistake, but I know I’m not the first). I realized what I’d done less than 20 minutes later and headed back for my phone. Too late…it was gone. Now, if you found a lost cell phone, what would you do? You’d probably try to contact the owner or at least leave it with someone responsible. You’d make a good faith effort. Most people would. But, not all. With my wife’s phone, I called my number and, sure enough, someone answered. He indeed had picked up my phone. I was relieved…for a second. Then, the guy told me he’d happily return the phone to me…for $200, via Cash App. I don’t know who was dumber: me for leaving my phone behind or him for thinking I’d give him a dime to get it back. We both knew one thing: whether I paid him or not, I’d never see that phone again. It was a sad lesson in broken trust as my faith in humanity slipped a few notches. Chalk one up for the school of hard knocks.

Change Your Viewing

By Mark Beck • May 29, 2025
What is the first step to changing our station in life, changing a situation or a relationship? I suggest it starts with changing how we view things, how we look at the problem or the person. Do we see burden or a blessing…obligation or opportunity? Often, when we’re stuck, say, in a difficult relationship, we see our partner as an opponent. He or she is the problem. We may even go find a therapist whom we hope will “fix” our partner. We focus on the other’s weakness, faults and failures, how they let us down and miss the mark. If that is your focus, then the more you look, the more you will see. Most couples who come to me for therapy are so focused on their partner’s problems that they can’t see anything else. They are often stuck in blame and negativity. And what we see informs what we believe. If we see only the bad in our partner, it’s easy to believe that he or she doesn’t love us or that the relationship is hopeless. That’s when couples don’t call me; they call lawyers.

We All Need Predictability

By Mark Beck • April 25, 2025
If you are invested in the stock market, it’s been a roller coaster lately. Indeed, perhaps the best short run strategy is to close your eyes and hold on and ride it out—just like on a roller coaster! However you view the market moves we’re seeing—tariffs and the like—one thing is pretty clear: markets don’t like unpredictability. Uncertainty makes markets very nervous. Hence, lots of ups and downs make for tension and trouble. It’s human nature; unpredictability is stressful in any context.

Safety First

By Mark Beck • April 1, 2025
A local factory required all of its employees to attend a safety class. One fellow didn’t really pay attention and when the final exam at the end of the class asked, “In case of a fire, what steps would you take?” the fellow answered, “Large ones!” “Safety First” is a wise strategy, everywhere from the workplace to the highway to healthcare to childcare. Injuries and accidents cost multiplied billions every year and it’s always better to prevent an accident than to treat one. Whatever the setting, people do better when they feel safe.

Curious or Critical

By Mark Beck • March 14, 2025
Somebody said, “Marriage is a never ending conversation.” I think that’s true. It certainly is a never ending education. That’s part of what makes it fun. Everyday I learn something about my wife, Debbie, about how she sees the world and sees me. And I’m often surprised at our different perspectives. We were on the verge of an argument the other day, simply because we both saw the situation very differently. Neither of us were wrong. But, once I realized how Debbie saw things, I understood her actions and reactions much better. And I realized again that a real key to connection lies in understanding, more than being understood. The late Sue Johnson used to say, “People calm down when they feel understood.” I’ve certainly found that to be true.

Love Is a Team Sport

By Mark Beck • January 29, 2025
If you’re a sports fan (specifically, football) this is your favorite time of year. The NFL playoffs showcase the best of the best and even for the non-fanatics out there, some important truths are evident. Football, like many other sports, is a team game. For sure, individual superstars shine, but only because those around them pull together for a common goal. The best teams operate as one. Eleven players, all on the same page: focused, supportive, picking each other up, pursuing the same goal. When they do, they become more than the sum of their parts…highly efficient. They minimize mistakes and overcome them when they happen. When adversity hits, lesser teams slip into fault finding, sniping and looking out for number one. In any sport, if teammates ever become opponents, they can’t win. It’s game over.

Relationship Rescue

By Mark Beck • January 24, 2025
You might remember the cruise ship Costa Concordia that foundered off the coast of Italy in 2012 after her captain carelessly steered her too close to shore. Rocks tore a 175 foot gash in her hull and the ship listed severely to her starboard side, taking on water and running aground. Ultimately, 32 people died and the recovery cost about $2 billion. Perhaps the greatest blunder though, was that the captain waited over an hour to give the order to abandon ship. For such negligence, he was ultimately convicted of manslaughter and sentenced to 15 years. Indeed, he left the ship with 300 passengers still on board! (He said he “fell” into a lifeboat as it was being lowered.)
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