Hold Me Tight Teaches the Value of Vulnerability

Vulnerability—are you up for it?

Let’s talk about vulnerability. Now, there’s a broad topic. If you Google it, you’ll come up with about 976 million hits. You can talk about physical vulnerability, economic vulnerability, environmental vulnerability, even military vulnerability, just to name a few. The vulnerability that most impacts couples is emotional and it is one of the most crucial elements of a healthy love life. It’s also one of the places we go in a Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat. Emotional vulnerability can literally transform a relationship. 

Emotional vulnerability can be intimidating and, by definition, risky. It's about revealing our inner world, the parts of us we don’t often show (and, sometimes, don’t even know until we slow down and look). It’s easy when we’re happy, grateful or excited. Positive emotions don’t intimidate us. It’s a different matter, though to reveal fears, needs, hurts or loss. Negative emotions might incite our partner’s anger or judgment. Being rejected or abandoned, especially by one we love and depend on is one of our most primal human fears. Emotionally speaking, it’s tantamount to death. That’s why emotional vulnerability is such a heavy lift.


We All Need a Safe Connection

All humans seek a close, safe, dependable bond with someone on whom we can depend to be there for us, to see us, value us, trust us, accept us unconditionally, believe in us and care for us. From cradle to coffin, we are searching for that safety. As infants, we get it from parents or other caregivers. Indeed, we need it to survive. As adults, we seek that safety in a spouse or significant other. Safely connected, we relax, feel safe and thrive. This is how attachment science defines love. Closely bonded, we are resilient, courageous and creative. We are our best self. 

Without that connection, if we can’t find it or fix it, we struggle. We pay a steep price emotionally. Trying to cope, we might develop anxiety, depression, addictions or other deficit behaviors. We become angry, critical, clingy, insecure or all of the above. Indeed, that disconnection is traumatic. We suffer, alone and as a couple.

What do we do about it? I’m glad you asked.


Hold Me Tight®️ Teaches New Moves

That’s what happens in a Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat. In two days of learning and interacting, first, couples learn to understand why we seek that seek that safe connection, but also, what our endless cycles of conflict are all about. Whether we rage or retreat in conflict, whether we pursue our partner or withdraw, it’s really all about seeking that safe connection we all need in order to be and do well. And vulnerability is an indispensable part of getting there.

In conflict, we may come across to our partner as angry and aggressive, but on the inside, we’re frightened or sad. We may pull away and go silent, when inside we feel like a total failure and so, hide it. We all have our inner, insecure parts that we really don’t readily show or share, much less to the one we love and need most. 

Vulnerable is Valuable!

At Hold Me Tight®️ we help couples makes sense of this and understand that vulnerable is valuable. It’s where relationships heal. It draws us closer. And the other side of that coin is empathy—accepting our partner even when they share the hard stuff—empathy makes vulnerability worth the risk. 

Couples in distress are almost always guarded, distant and protecting themselves. Vulnerability is long gone. Empathy is seldom seen as well. Couples willing to learn and practice these two powerful moves can change the very landscape of their love. They can create a resilience and strength to weather any storm. This is why Hold Me Tight®️ is such a powerful model. We don’t just talk about these skills. We practice them, on site, in real time. Couples leave different, stronger, better equipped than when they came. And these changes can last a lifetime.

Vulnerability and empathy are relationship game changers! But, don’t take my word for it. Get in on a Florida Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat. Our next one is next month. Seating is limited so sign up today!


Have a Safety Plan

Change Your Viewing

By Mark Beck • May 29, 2025
What is the first step to changing our station in life, changing a situation or a relationship? I suggest it starts with changing how we view things, how we look at the problem or the person. Do we see burden or a blessing…obligation or opportunity? Often, when we’re stuck, say, in a difficult relationship, we see our partner as an opponent. He or she is the problem. We may even go find a therapist whom we hope will “fix” our partner. We focus on the other’s weakness, faults and failures, how they let us down and miss the mark. If that is your focus, then the more you look, the more you will see. Most couples who come to me for therapy are so focused on their partner’s problems that they can’t see anything else. They are often stuck in blame and negativity. And what we see informs what we believe. If we see only the bad in our partner, it’s easy to believe that he or she doesn’t love us or that the relationship is hopeless. That’s when couples don’t call me; they call lawyers.

We All Need Predictability

By Mark Beck • April 25, 2025
If you are invested in the stock market, it’s been a roller coaster lately. Indeed, perhaps the best short run strategy is to close your eyes and hold on and ride it out—just like on a roller coaster! However you view the market moves we’re seeing—tariffs and the like—one thing is pretty clear: markets don’t like unpredictability. Uncertainty makes markets very nervous. Hence, lots of ups and downs make for tension and trouble. It’s human nature; unpredictability is stressful in any context.

Safety First

By Mark Beck • April 1, 2025
A local factory required all of its employees to attend a safety class. One fellow didn’t really pay attention and when the final exam at the end of the class asked, “In case of a fire, what steps would you take?” the fellow answered, “Large ones!” “Safety First” is a wise strategy, everywhere from the workplace to the highway to healthcare to childcare. Injuries and accidents cost multiplied billions every year and it’s always better to prevent an accident than to treat one. Whatever the setting, people do better when they feel safe.

Curious or Critical

By Mark Beck • March 14, 2025
Somebody said, “Marriage is a never ending conversation.” I think that’s true. It certainly is a never ending education. That’s part of what makes it fun. Everyday I learn something about my wife, Debbie, about how she sees the world and sees me. And I’m often surprised at our different perspectives. We were on the verge of an argument the other day, simply because we both saw the situation very differently. Neither of us were wrong. But, once I realized how Debbie saw things, I understood her actions and reactions much better. And I realized again that a real key to connection lies in understanding, more than being understood. The late Sue Johnson used to say, “People calm down when they feel understood.” I’ve certainly found that to be true.

Love Is a Team Sport

By Mark Beck • January 29, 2025
If you’re a sports fan (specifically, football) this is your favorite time of year. The NFL playoffs showcase the best of the best and even for the non-fanatics out there, some important truths are evident. Football, like many other sports, is a team game. For sure, individual superstars shine, but only because those around them pull together for a common goal. The best teams operate as one. Eleven players, all on the same page: focused, supportive, picking each other up, pursuing the same goal. When they do, they become more than the sum of their parts…highly efficient. They minimize mistakes and overcome them when they happen. When adversity hits, lesser teams slip into fault finding, sniping and looking out for number one. In any sport, if teammates ever become opponents, they can’t win. It’s game over.

Relationship Rescue

By Mark Beck • January 24, 2025
You might remember the cruise ship Costa Concordia that foundered off the coast of Italy in 2012 after her captain carelessly steered her too close to shore. Rocks tore a 175 foot gash in her hull and the ship listed severely to her starboard side, taking on water and running aground. Ultimately, 32 people died and the recovery cost about $2 billion. Perhaps the greatest blunder though, was that the captain waited over an hour to give the order to abandon ship. For such negligence, he was ultimately convicted of manslaughter and sentenced to 15 years. Indeed, he left the ship with 300 passengers still on board! (He said he “fell” into a lifeboat as it was being lowered.)

Help Is Nearby

By Mark Beck • January 17, 2025
I had a close call today. I was almost duped by a very slick hacker. He posed as a security guy from PayPal and I nearly gave him remote access to my computer. (I know, that sounds pretty stupid on my part.) Fortunately for me, when things smelled fishy, I tapped out before any real damage was done. But, I didn’t know what to do from there. I unplugged my PC and called an expert. He knew just what to do and he got me up and running in no time. What a relief! It cost me a few bucks, but most likely saved me a lot more. Computers are a necessary evil in my life. I can’t even imagine managing my home or my business without one. But, they can sure be troublesome. And a cyber wizard, I am not. That’s my problem. I know just enough to be dangerous. It sure eases my mind that help is available when I need it. Because some things I can’t fix. That doesn’t make me stupid…it’s just not my expertise.

Comfort Isn't Always Comfortable

By Mark Beck • January 10, 2025
Intimate relationships are never easy and too many don’t survive. Courtrooms and counselors’ offices are full of couples who didn’t set out to destroy their love; it just looks as if they did. Maybe you’re one of those couples…trying to figure out how you went from newlywed to nearly dead...and you never saw it coming...or you did and you didn't know how to stop it.
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When You Hit Turbulence

By Mark Beck • December 16, 2024
Now and then, I travel by air. I enjoy it, for the most part. But, on one trip, seemingly out of nowhere, the plane hit heavy turbulence. Suddenly, the cabin was shuttering and shaking. I looked outside; the wings were visibly bouncing up and down as the plane lurched and pitched. I tried to hide my fear, but (pardon the pun) it really shook me up. My stomach tightened; my breathing got shallow. I couldn’t think straight. Having such little experience with something like that, I feared we would crash. But, then, I noticed the flight attendants. They were cool as the backside of a pillow…no panic or alarm. I wondered how they could be so calm. Soon the pilot came over the intercom and in a steady, measured voice, explained that turbulence is normal, the plane was built for much, much worse and it would all subside in a few moments. The crew had been through this many times. They understood what was happening and what to do. I was so glad that somebody did! Their calm was contagious. Gradually, I was able to relax and realized that it wasn’t the crisis I had feared it was. That was a game changer. I got through it and now, turbulence isn’t the problem it used to be for me when I fly. It still happens, but I know what it’s about when it does and that gets me through. .
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