Someone said that marriage is like a deck of cards. We start out with two hearts and a diamond and we end up looking for a club and a spade. No doubt that’s funny because it’s so often true. So many intimate relationships start out strong and end up struggling. The renowned couples researcher Dr. John Gottman tells us that all couples conflict (as if we didn’t already know!) But, some couples conflict better than others. Better means that they don’t necessarily resolve their conflict, but they do manage it. It doesn’t fester and escalate and do long term damage. They understand how to turn toward each other when they conflict. They know how to repair (re-pair). 

A couple stands together in front of their van smiling and embracing after attending a Couples Retreat in Orlando, FL. Couples Retreats are available to people throughout the United States. Learn more about Couples Retreats in Florida here.

We Must Learn to Manage Conflict

But, conflict management is not instinctive. It takes time and patience to learn. And that is part of what we do in a Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat. Conflict in love is not only painful; it’s also confusing. It often makes little sense. It seems so irrational at times. Why do my partner and I seem to get into the same sort of arguments? It’s like a dance we can’t change. What we argue about may change, but the way we argue never does. Why do we act and react as we do? We love each other, but we couldn’t prove it by the way we argue. What is it with us? And when you don’t have good answers, you can draw some pretty scary conclusions. Maybe we just weren’t meant for each other. Maybe we’re just a bad match. Should we give up?

Don’t Throw in the Towel

If that’s where you are, don’t throw in the towel. Hold Me Tight®️ Couples Retreats can make a world of difference. Hold Me Tight®️  Couples Retreat will help you make sense of what so often makes no sense. Hold Me Tight®️ is rooted in attachment science, which says that all humans are hard wired for connection. It’s an emotional survival need. We crave connection from cradle to coffin. Love is a search for a safe, emotional bond with someone who will be there for us, who will be accessible and responsive and engaged. When we find that connection, we are our best self. That is, in fact, an attachment definition of love: a safe emotional connection. 

A happy couple celebrates reconnecting after a Couples Retreat in Orlando, FL. Hold Me Tight® Couples Retreats are available to anyone in the United States. Learn more about the benefits of Couples Retreats in Florida here.

Conflict is Disconnection

But, no relationship is perfect and we inevitably go through times when our partner isn’t there for us: they disappoint us, let us down, sometimes attack us, maybe even betray us. That disconnection is not only painful; indeed, it is traumatic. Our brain tells us that our very survival is at stake. And how we cope with that disconnection is what we call conflict. We might reach toward our partner by blaming or accusing or attacking, hoping to re-connect. Or we might pull away by minimizing or defending or just plain shutting down, hoping to keep things from getting worse. Either way, it’s a good intentions/bad results scenario. 


At a Hold Me Tight®️  Couples Retreat, couples learn that conflict is not about money or kids or sex or religion or in-laws (or any other topic). It’s deeper than that. It’s about disconnection. It’s about a lack of safety and our need for both partners to show up with understanding and openness. In a Hold Me Tight®️ retreat, couples learn to have conversations they never knew how to have, never knew they could have. They learn to connect like never before. 


A couple shares an intimate moment surrounded by flowering trees. Create more moments like these with the help of a Hold Me Tight® Couples Retreat in Orlando. FL. Couples Retreats are available to anyone in the United States. Read on to learn more about Couples Retreats in Florida.

Learn How to Manage Conflict in a Healthy and Constructive Way at a Couples Retreat in Orlando, FL.

Conflict is inevitable. But it need not be destructive. Indeed, couples who can reconnect and re-pair rather than retaliate are well equipped to weather whatever storms come their way. Come find out how to do that at a Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat. Sign up for a Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat today and discover the difference it can make. Your love story awaits its next chapter – don't miss out.



A happy couple embraces and smiles after completing a Hold Me Tight® Couples Retreat in Orlando, FL. Couples Retreats are available to couples throughout the United States.

Have a Safety Plan

The "Other Side" of the Coin

By Mark Beck • July 17, 2025
In my last blog post, we said that the most vital skill for any strong relationship is empathy. (If you haven’t seen that blog, check out “The One Skill Your Relationship Can’t Do Without”.) Empathy is vital in love. But, empathy is not the only important skill. That hit record has a flip side. What is it? It’s vulnerability. Close connection in love demands vulnerability, almost by definition. Vulnerability: the willingness to open up, to show and share the deep stuff: wishes, needs, fears, uncertainties, insecurities, the things about us that we often prefer to hide. In any healthy relationship, vulnerability and empathy go hand in hand. Each makes the other possible. Without them, couples live at arm’s length, “hiding in plain sight,” like intimate strangers. They might be together…might even be married, but they aren’t close. Maybe you know this all too well. Maybe you live it everyday.

The One Skill Your Relationship Can't Do Without

By Mark Beck • July 14, 2025
Lots of things make for a healthy relationship: affirmation, trust, sacrifice, forgiveness, commitment. But, maybe the most important skill, the one no healthy relationship can do without…is empathy. Empathy is the ability to recognize and convey not only your emotions, but your partner’s emotions as well. Humans are bonding mammals and emotions are how we bond. Emotional connection is the lifeblood of any relationship. Your partner needs to know that you “get them,” that you understand their world, that you support and believe in them, that you are there for them. Empathy gets all that across.

Maintenance is Key

By Mark Beck • July 7, 2025
My wife and I bought a car recently. Not a new car, just new to us. We spent a small fortune on it and I’m determined to take good care of it. I vacuum it religiously. I check the fluids, tire pressure, mileage. I keep it clean, inside and out. I wash it at least once a week and am careful not to track a lot of dirt inside it. I’ve watched You Tube videos on simple maintenance such as oil changes, tire rotation and so forth. I’m no master mechanic, but I like to do the little things any shade tree mechanic might. We keep it out of direct sun when we can and drive as carefully as possible.

Trust is Key

By Mark Beck • June 25, 2025
I had a strange experience recently. I was out of town (in Texas, actually) and absentmindedly left my phone in a WalMart restroom (big mistake, but I know I’m not the first). I realized what I’d done less than 20 minutes later and headed back for my phone. Too late…it was gone. Now, if you found a lost cell phone, what would you do? You’d probably try to contact the owner or at least leave it with someone responsible. You’d make a good faith effort. Most people would. But, not all. With my wife’s phone, I called my number and, sure enough, someone answered. He indeed had picked up my phone. I was relieved…for a second. Then, the guy told me he’d happily return the phone to me…for $200, via Cash App. I don’t know who was dumber: me for leaving my phone behind or him for thinking I’d give him a dime to get it back. We both knew one thing: whether I paid him or not, I’d never see that phone again. It was a sad lesson in broken trust as my faith in humanity slipped a few notches. Chalk one up for the school of hard knocks.

Change Your Viewing

By Mark Beck • May 29, 2025
What is the first step to changing our station in life, changing a situation or a relationship? I suggest it starts with changing how we view things, how we look at the problem or the person. Do we see burden or a blessing…obligation or opportunity? Often, when we’re stuck, say, in a difficult relationship, we see our partner as an opponent. He or she is the problem. We may even go find a therapist whom we hope will “fix” our partner. We focus on the other’s weakness, faults and failures, how they let us down and miss the mark. If that is your focus, then the more you look, the more you will see. Most couples who come to me for therapy are so focused on their partner’s problems that they can’t see anything else. They are often stuck in blame and negativity. And what we see informs what we believe. If we see only the bad in our partner, it’s easy to believe that he or she doesn’t love us or that the relationship is hopeless. That’s when couples don’t call me; they call lawyers.

We All Need Predictability

By Mark Beck • April 25, 2025
If you are invested in the stock market, it’s been a roller coaster lately. Indeed, perhaps the best short run strategy is to close your eyes and hold on and ride it out—just like on a roller coaster! However you view the market moves we’re seeing—tariffs and the like—one thing is pretty clear: markets don’t like unpredictability. Uncertainty makes markets very nervous. Hence, lots of ups and downs make for tension and trouble. It’s human nature; unpredictability is stressful in any context.

Safety First

By Mark Beck • April 1, 2025
A local factory required all of its employees to attend a safety class. One fellow didn’t really pay attention and when the final exam at the end of the class asked, “In case of a fire, what steps would you take?” the fellow answered, “Large ones!” “Safety First” is a wise strategy, everywhere from the workplace to the highway to healthcare to childcare. Injuries and accidents cost multiplied billions every year and it’s always better to prevent an accident than to treat one. Whatever the setting, people do better when they feel safe.

Curious or Critical

By Mark Beck • March 14, 2025
Somebody said, “Marriage is a never ending conversation.” I think that’s true. It certainly is a never ending education. That’s part of what makes it fun. Everyday I learn something about my wife, Debbie, about how she sees the world and sees me. And I’m often surprised at our different perspectives. We were on the verge of an argument the other day, simply because we both saw the situation very differently. Neither of us were wrong. But, once I realized how Debbie saw things, I understood her actions and reactions much better. And I realized again that a real key to connection lies in understanding, more than being understood. The late Sue Johnson used to say, “People calm down when they feel understood.” I’ve certainly found that to be true.

Love Is a Team Sport

By Mark Beck • January 29, 2025
If you’re a sports fan (specifically, football) this is your favorite time of year. The NFL playoffs showcase the best of the best and even for the non-fanatics out there, some important truths are evident. Football, like many other sports, is a team game. For sure, individual superstars shine, but only because those around them pull together for a common goal. The best teams operate as one. Eleven players, all on the same page: focused, supportive, picking each other up, pursuing the same goal. When they do, they become more than the sum of their parts…highly efficient. They minimize mistakes and overcome them when they happen. When adversity hits, lesser teams slip into fault finding, sniping and looking out for number one. In any sport, if teammates ever become opponents, they can’t win. It’s game over.

Relationship Rescue

By Mark Beck • January 24, 2025
You might remember the cruise ship Costa Concordia that foundered off the coast of Italy in 2012 after her captain carelessly steered her too close to shore. Rocks tore a 175 foot gash in her hull and the ship listed severely to her starboard side, taking on water and running aground. Ultimately, 32 people died and the recovery cost about $2 billion. Perhaps the greatest blunder though, was that the captain waited over an hour to give the order to abandon ship. For such negligence, he was ultimately convicted of manslaughter and sentenced to 15 years. Indeed, he left the ship with 300 passengers still on board! (He said he “fell” into a lifeboat as it was being lowered.)
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