Have a Safety Plan

Strengthening the Foundation

Thu, 30 Apr 2026 22:52:19 GMT

Strengthening the Foundation: Building Connection at a

Hold Me Tight®️ Couples Retreat

Ask anyone who has attended a Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat and they will tell you about a really unique experience. Couples at Hold Me Tight®️ retreats often report surprising breakthroughs in their relationship. Some say they made more progress in two days together than in months of therapy. Others say they’ve reached a deeper connection than they ever thought possible. Hold Me Tight®️ really is a different kind of couples retreat. What’s so different about it?

The Problem Beneath the Surface

If you notice cracks in the walls or floors of your home, you could slap on a coat of paint or filler, cover up the problem and pretend everything is fine. Or you could have a serious look at the foundation. You may have to dig underground, do some real work, but underground is where you will find and most likely fix what’s wrong.

A Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat can do that for your relationship. Hold Me Tight®️ is a deeper dive, a chance to go beyond “couple cosmetics” and simple fixes. Do you and your partner seem to get into the same arguments? And, while the topics may change, the pattern doesn’t. You know you love one another, but can’t seem to get it right. No matter how you try, no matter WHAT you try, you end up in the same place: apart. It’s either combat or Cold War. And that hurts. It’s discouraging and when nothing seems to work, it’s easy to believe that nothing will ever work. But, don’t throw in the towel. Turns out that there are not only good, but logical reasons for the crazy patterns couples get into. Hold Me Tight®️ will help you make sense of that.

Hold Me Tight®️ is About Attachment

Hold Me Tight®️ is based on the science of attachment, decades of solid research and results that help couples understand what each partner wants and needs, what makes our love tick and how to truly repair problems before the relationship crumbles. Hold Me Tight®️ will show you that all couples (indeed, all humans) crave a close connection. We want to be seen and heard, valued, respected; we want to know that our partner is there for us. That is our emotional foundation. Without that, we suffer, we struggle and cracks in the relationship start to show. If we don’t fix that foundation, if we don’t restore that connection, then no amount of window dressing, no amount of skills building or negotiating will hold things together. The house will crumble.

Hold Me Tight®️ is Experiential

In a Hold Me Tight®️ retreat, we don’t just talk about a stronger foundation. We build it… in real time, through non-threatening, low key conversations that help partners see one another in a new way and show up for one another like perhaps never before.

Hold Me Tight®️ is a deeper dive, different from any other couples retreat. Buildings with a strong foundation last for the long run. Relationships are the same way. Strengthen your foundation. Restore the safety and stability that you both need. See what two days together in a Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat can do.

Our next workshop is in New Smyrna Beach, FL, May 29 & 30, 2026. Our venue is right on the water--a beatiful setting for a world class workshop. So sign up today. All the details are at www.hmtcouplesworkshops.com.

Learn more about Mark and Vicki .
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Prepare for a transformational experience.

Every Couple Needs Adjustment

Fri, 24 Apr 2026 17:52:55 GMT

Every Couple Needs Adjusment

I’ve been seeing a chiropractor for years now. At first, I went whenever I twisted or tweaked my back and was in pain. Fortunately, I never needed surgery and, in just a few sessions, the doctor straightened me out (no pun intended). I appreciated pain relief without narcotics. Chiropractic care has been great for me.

But, over time, I learned the value of regular adjustments. Now, I see my chiropractor roughly every two weeks, whether I’m in pain or not. That way, I stay in good alignment, instead of waiting for something to go wrong. And it’s been a long time since something has gone wrong. It just proves the old saying that it’s better to prevent a problem than to fix it. And regular adjustments seem to prevent bigger problems for me.

As a couples therapist, I see the value of preventive treatment in relationships too. While it’s true that I often see couples in severe pain who need urgent care, relationships can benefit immensely from regular adjustments when nothing is severely wrong—just to keep things “in alignment.” And right there is perhaps where a Hold Me Tight®️ couples workshop is most valuable.

It’s an unfortunate myth that couples workshops are only for couples in distress. Couples in distress can indeed benefit immensely from Hold Me Tight®️, but they aren’t the only ones. Hold Me Tight®️ is tailor made for couples who are steady and sturdy, but want to grow even closer—couples who want to go from “good to great.” They love each other dearly and know they are lifelong, but they want sharper skills and deeper connection. Or maybe they sense a drift in their relationship that isn’t a crisis yet, but they want to catch it early, before the pain gets bad.

Hold Me Tight®️ is a perfect intervention. Why? Because Hold Me Tight®️ is not crisis oriented. And Hold Me Tight®️ isn’t therapy. It’s learning the groundbreaking insights of attachment science. It’s practicing skills that deepen connection, create safety and defuse conflict. It’s low key and fun. No one is put on the spot. No pressure. Each couple goes at their own pace. In a group experience, couples learn how much they have in common with others. And after just two days, they leave with a roadmap for lifelong connection and the skill to follow it.

Our next Hold Me Tight®️ weekend workshop is extra special. We’re going to the beach! Join us in New Smyrna Beach, FL on Friday and Saturday, May 29 & 30. Our venue is right on the water. It’s a world class setting for a world class workshop.

Hold Me Tight®️ can be the “adjustment” that will make your love stronger than ever. The relationship you want is closer than you think. Get all the details at www.hmtcouplesworkshops.com. Space is limited, so sign up today.

Learn more about Mark and Vicki .
Join our contact list.
Prepare for a transformational experience.

Leave the Four Horsemen Behind

Mon, 23 Mar 2026 14:19:06 GMT

Leave the Four Horsemen Behind

Today’s blog content is indebted to Dr. John Gottman, whose relationship research has revealed so much that couples already knew, but often missed. For example, every couple has conflict. The key is not avoiding conflict; it’s managing conflict. He taught us about a negative pattern that reliably predicts relationship distress. He calls it “The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse,” a succession of negativity that, if unchecked, will almost certainly end a marriage.

The first of the Four Horsemen is criticism. Every partner has complaints. That isn’t a problem. But, if we voice them with criticism, by blaming or fault finding, it becomes an attack, which invites in the second of the Four Horsemen: defensiveness. Defensiveness comes naturally if we feel attacked. But it doesn’t help. Defensiveness is blame shifting, minimizing or making excuses that tells your partner that you are really aren’t listening and they don’t matter. As the stakes get higher, the heat often builds and the conversation soon becomes a confrontation.

Here, the third of the four horsemen shows us: contempt. This is when we go from blame to personal, hurtful attacks. This is where we get mean and often say things we would never dream of saying when we first fell in love. Contempt is demeaning, belittling. “I can’t believe I married you.” “You are such a loser.” As they say, “Words can hit like a fist.” Contempt does serious damage to a relationship. John Gottman calls contempt “sulfuric acid for love.” It will disintegrate the fabric of any relationship.

And, eventually, the fourth of the horsemen arrives: stonewalling…such a descriptive term. Usually, as the battle rages, sooner or later, someone taps out. “That’s it; I’m done.” And they shut down emotionally. They leave, figuratively, if not literally. This is a dangerous state because distance sets in: silence, isolation and resentment.

Does any of this sound familiar?

Countless couples have been there. It’s confusing and confounding. If left unchecked, the Four Horsemen will almost certainly kill a relationship. How do we interrupt that pattern? How can we avoid the Four Horsemen?

That is what we learn at a Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat.

Hold Me Tight®️ is a two day retreat for any couple who has ever dealt with conflict (which is to say, Hold Me Tight®️ is for everyone!). Hold Me Tight®️ is based on solid attachment science and the tenets of Emotionally Focused Therapy, the gold standard for relationship repair. Hold Me Tight®️ is low key and fun: no pressure. Couples go at their own pace learning to create safety with their partner and put the Four Horsemen out to pasture.

Hold Me Tight®️ is for couples of any age or stage. It’s not therapy. It’s learning and connecting with your partner in ways you may never have thought possible. If you want more conversations and fewer confrontations, Hold Me Tight®️ is for you. The relationship you want is closer than you think.

And our next workshop will be at the beach! Join us at the Marriott Spring Hill Suites Hotel in New Smyrna Beach May 29 & 30. It’s right on the water and a wonderful place to relax and grow together with the one you love most. All the details are at www.hmtcouplesworkshops.com .

Learn more about Vicki and Mark .
Reach out to us.
Prepare for a transformational experience.

Making Love Last

Tue, 10 Mar 2026 14:45:39 GMT

Making Love Last

How was your Valentine’s Day this year? Hopefully it was great. Maybe it was so so. For many couples, Valentine’s Day is disappointing. Underperforming relationships are hard to hide on a holiday meant to celebrate love. Many partners are left feeling neglected, unappreciated, lonely or just plain forgotten. It’s no coincidence that separations and divorces spike in the weeks after Valentine’s Day—not to mention affairs. Indeed, the infidelity website Ashley Madison always has a surge of subscriptions right after Valentine’s Day every year (interestingly, about ten times more women sign up than men).

But, even if your Valentine’s Day was wonderful, how long did the good feeling last? Usually, cards, candy, flowers, a nice dinner out or even a weekend away feel good for a few days or a week. Nothing really wrong with that. But, a healthy relationships needs more than an occasional “sugar high.”

You need something that lasts. A better plan for long term love is to learn what really makes love tick. There really is a science behind love. It makes sense. Couples who understand love are confident and competent to be close and connected, even when they hit bumps—and all couples do. And that is what we do in a Hold Me Tight®️ couples weekend workshop. Hold Me Tight®️ is a low key, fun and informative way to learn the lessons of love that most of us struggle to figure out on our own—and many never do. It is rooted in attachment science and the tenets of Emotionally Focused Therapy, the gold standard for strengthening relationships. Hold Me Tight®️ is not therapy. But, it can change your relationship in ways that cards and candy never will.

Every couple has conflict, hopefully not often and not intense. But, even then, that conflict seems to have a predictable pattern. No matter the topic, we seem to do the same dance. And that can be discouraging, or even destructive. Over time, it erodes even the strongest couples. How do we break that pattern? How do we create a new patterns—of connection instead of conflict? How do we have conversations instead of confrontations? That is exactly what we learn at Hold Me Tight®️.

At Hold Me Tight®️, couples go at their own pace—no pressure. No one is put on the spot. We learn and then we practice new skills, going progressively deeper. Couples consistently leave feeling closer and better equipped. Some say it is the best two days they ever spent together. In our last workshop (over Valentine’s Day weekend, as a matter of fact), one couple told us they learned more in two days than they’d gotten out of two years of therapy.

Hold Me Tight®️ is no relationship “sugar high.” It beats the heck out of cards and candy. It can truly make a long term difference in your relationship. And best of all, Hold Me Tight®️ is not just for Valentine’s Day. Why not make plans now to be at our next workshop in May? And here’s the great news: we’re going to the beach! Our next workshop will be Friday and Saturday, May 29 and 30 in New Smyrna Beach, FL. Our venue is right on the water and we’ll enjoy a wonderful weekend in a wonderful setting. You won’t want to miss it. All the details are at www.hmtworkshops.com.

Questions? Reach out to us here.
Learn more about Vicki and Mark .
Prepare for a transformational experience.

Doing the Hard Thing

Sat, 07 Feb 2026 21:07:46 GMT

Doing the Hard Thing

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A Moment not to Miss

Tue, 03 Feb 2026 17:48:29 GMT

A Moment not to Miss

I’m an amateur photographer (which is to say, I spend money at it rather than make money at it). Photography is all about light. Often, the right light is the difference between just a snapshot and a memorable photo. Coming home from the beach a couple of weeks ago, Debbie and I were treated to a stunning sunset. It was breathtaking. I pulled off the road and stopped to photograph it. Whether a sunrise or sunset, no two are the same. They never disappoint, but something else is equally true: they never last. That stunning light just before the sun rises and just after it sets is there for just a few minutes. Five minutes after I took the photo above, that beautiful light was gone.

The most beautiful moments in life don’t wait and they don’t last. We have to notice them. We have to stop and savor them. If we miss them, we can never get them back. And that is especially true with the ones we love.

John Gottman discovered in his research that the healthiest couples are careful to see and say the best in their partner and their relationship. They speak love, appreciation and positivity to one another. They seldom leave important, loving words unsaid. Beautiful moments are easy to miss and all too fleeting. Healthy couples never take them for granted. Indeed, they don’t just notice beautiful moments, they make them.

This year, on Valentine’s Day, you and your partner have a chance to share and savor two beautiful days together…a weekend not to be missed. Join me and my colleague, Vicki Kennedy at a Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat in Orlando. Hold Me Tight®️ can bring color and vibrance to your relationship that you never thought possible.

Hold Me Tight®️ is truly for couples of any age or stage. You will learn about what draws couples together (and what pushes them apart). You’ll learn how to interrupt conflict and to connect with your partner more deeply than ever. You’ll learn to be that safe place for one another that we all want and need. Hold Me Tight®️ is low key and fun. Couples go at their own pace, no pressure. And, in just two days, many leave feeling more confident and competent than ever, seeing the beauty in their connection that they’ve been missing for too long.

Someone said, “Life is not measured in the number of breaths we take, but in the moments that take our breath away.” And the good news is that we can make those moments…beautiful moments too precious to miss. Why not share them with your loved one in Orlando next week?

Hold Me Tight®️ in Orlando will be Friday and Saturday, February 13 & 14. All the details are at www.hmtcouplesworkshops.com. It’s truly, a moment not to miss!

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Step Into Your Future

Thu, 29 Jan 2026 20:12:14 GMT

Step Into Your Future

If you’re a social media user, maybe you’ve noticed the recent trend. People are flashing back to 2016 and posting photos and stories about the decade since then. You’d probably agree, a lot has changed in ten years. How are you different today? Any regrets? If you got a do-over, what would you change? Since 2016, I’ve moved to a new state, lived in two different homes, started a new business and added a few more gray hairs. I’ve lost some friends and made some. I’ve celebrated the birth of two more grandchildren and lived through a pandemic. I’ve rejoiced in some changes and regretted others. We can see and learn a lot by looking back; as they say, hindsight is 20/20.

But, perhaps the bigger question is: what and where will you be ten years from now? How does the future look? We can’t control everything to come but the life still ahead is at least somewhat in your hands. Your choices are yours. Your priorities, your values will indeed largely chart your course. You can’t change your past, but you can help shape your future.

If you’re married or in a committed relationship, where will you and your partner be in ten years? Hopefully, you want your relationship to grow ever stronger…and it absolutely can. Love can be lifelong. But, how will you get there? Merely hoping for it isn’t enough. The old saying goes, “Fail to plan and you plan to fail.” Too many couples are on autopilot. With time, they grow distant and distracted and sadly, begin to believe that their love is dead. Few couples set out to ruin their relationship. Thus, they don’t usually end by intention. More often than not, it’s inattention.

Any relationship is either progressing or regressing. Start now creating the relationship you want. Let me suggest progress in three words: Hold Me Tight®️. A two day Hold Me Tight®️ couples workshop can give your relationship a truly bright future. It’s for couples of any age or stage, whether “newlywed or nearly dead.” You may fear that you won’t be a couple in ten years. Hold Me Tight®️ can help. Or you may be good but want to be even better. Hold Me Tight®️ is for you as well.

All you need is the “want to.” If you want to understand attachment, the science of love, if you want learn to interrupt those too familiar cycles of conflict that all couples experience but often don't know how to manage, and if you want to create deep connection and safety with the one you love…Hold Me Tight®️ is for you.

Hold Me Tight®️ has helped couples the world over. It’s low key and fun; you go at your own pace. In two days, you can find a road map for your next ten years and beyond. Our next Hold Me Tight®️ workshop will be on Valentine’s Day weekend, February 13 and 14 near Orlando, FL. Join me and my colleague, Vicki Kennedy for a transformational weekend. All the details are at www.hmtcouplesworkshops.com.

You will either settle for the relationship you’ve got or go for the one you want. Step into your future right now!

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It's Your Pattern, Not Your Partner

Mon, 05 Jan 2026 13:33:23 GMT

It's Your Pattern, Not Your Partner

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Lip Synching Love

Mon, 15 Dec 2025 15:55:45 GMT

Lip Synching Love

Fans of the iconic TV show Saturday Night Live may remember an episode in 2004 that was iconic for all the wrong reasons. Recording star Ashlee Simpson performed two songs that night. The first went well. The second, not so much. Simpson was sick and losing her voice, but didn’t want to cancel so producers decided at the last minute that she should lip synch while her band played live. (Performers do it more often than you think.) She knew it was risky. She didn’t want to pretend. Against her better judgment, she went on without her voice and, sure enough, the worst happened. When her drummer accidentally played the wrong track, there, on live TV, in front of God and everybody, the audience heard the wrong lyrics and Ashlee Simpson was exposed. She tried to improvise, but with the cat out of the bag, she ran tearfully off stage. In hindsight, she acknowledged, “I should have said, ‘I will not go on.’” In other words, she should have just been forthright. Live and learn.

Ashlee Simpson took it hard in the press. Something in us all hates fakery. We don’t like to be tricked. People felt lied to and they took her to task. I say Ashlee Simpson got a raw deal. After all, who are we kidding? Most of us “lip synch” through life in some form or fashion. Honesty may be the best policy, but honesty is risky, sometimes costly. Who of us wants to look frail or faulty, less than perfect? Who of us wants to “look less” to others? We hate showing our weaknesses. And when we pretend or hide, it seldom goes well. At the least, even if we do fool others, we know we’re pretending. At worst, everyone sees that the emperor indeed has no clothes and we are exposed. Terrifying.

All the fear notwithstanding, something is liberating about honesty and transparency…and not just liberating, but empowering. It frees us to be our real self. And that is most true with those we love. Intimate relationships thrive on openness and transparency. The world at large may not know the “real” us, but with our loved one, we long to be truly seen and truly known. Yet, it’s there, where the stakes are highest, that we often struggle to show up all the way.

As a couples therapist, I see this everyday. My work, in a nutshell, is about helping couples go deeper, to fears, uncertainties, wishes and needs, the stuff we seldom show (and might not even know) and give those a voice. Without the trust and intimacy that openness brings, couples are on autopilot, hiding, pretending, just “lip synching.”

In a nutshell, aiming for openness is what we learn and do in a Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat. We learn why openness matters so much. We learn a little bit about attachment science and a lot about safe connection. We learn to break down conflict cycles and build up vulnerability and empathy. These are the foundation for a strong, lasting love. Hold Me Tight®️ is not therapy. It’s a safe, low key two day group learning experience where couples go at their own pace. No one is pressured or put on the spot. We point you (not push you) to stop lip syncing, to find your own voice and to hear your partner’s as well.

Hold Me Tight®️ is for couples of any age or stage. Whether you’re newlywed or nearly dead (or anywhere in between), this is your chance to get closer. Get in on Hold Me Tight®️. Join me and my colleague, Vicki Kennedy in February, 2026 for two days that can change your life. Looking for the perfect Christmas gift? Hold Me Tight®️ is a gift that keeps on giving. Join us February 13 and 14 at Hold Me Tight®️ in Orlando. All the details are at www.hmtcouplesworkshops.com .

Learn more about Mark and Vicki .

Prepare for a transformational experience.

Rituals Matter

Tue, 02 Dec 2025 15:34:10 GMT

Rituals Make Us "Us"

As my family prepared our Thanksgiving dinner last week, then began decorating for the Christmas season (as we do every year) I thought about the rituals that surround us in life. They are everywhere. Rituals are regular practices that connect us and identify us. They tell us who we are, be it in our family, our faith, our community or our country. Be it a wedding, a funeral, a church service, a holiday parade or a political pep rally, rituals give us common ground. Whether they happen weekly, monthly, annually or on specific special occasions (such as weddings or funerals) rituals give our lives a measure of predictability and structure that we all need. Rituals are not necessary for life, but they are so much a part of us that, if they don't happen as we're accustomed to, something feels off. Think of the first holiday after a loved one passed and they were conspicuously missing. We often say, “It’s just not the same without them here.” Rituals are the routines that give life meaning.

Couples have rituals too: weddings, for example, declare a couple’s exclusive bond. An anniversary acknowledges that connection each year and, if you miss it, or forget it (or ignore it), something will probably be off. That can even be a sign of trouble.

Couples have other, less formal but equally meaningful rituals as well. Sharing a cup of coffee and talking quietly together before starting your day can be a ritual that grounds you, connects you and leaves you “not quite right” on the days that you don’t do it. A quick prayer together with my wife before she heads into the hospital to start her day as a nurse is a simple but special ritual that feels just ours.

What rituals do you and your partner share? John Gottman calls them “rituals of connection.” You probably have more than you think. Another very traditional annual couples ritual is coming up soon. It’s Valentine’s Day. Although Valentine’s Day has become very commercial (it’s the second largest card giving holiday behind Christmas) most couples acknowledge their love in at least some way every February 14. And if they don’t, that probably sends a message too.

Even if that Valentine’s Day means little to you, your relationship is priceless. Why not create a new ritual of connection this February 14? Candy gets stale. Cards only say so much. Flowers last maybe a week and die. How about something that will last long after the holiday?

How about a Hold Me Tight®️ couples weekend retreat? How about two days with your partner and other couples in a safe, low key setting that can totally retool your relationship? Hold Me Tight®️ has a stellar track record teaching couples the secrets that great couples know. Hold Me Tight®️ is based on groundbreaking attachment science and the tenets of Emotionally Focused Therapy, a proven method that has helped countless couples the world over. But, Hold Me Tight®️ is not therapy. It’s a safe learning experience where couples go at their own pace and make the progress they are ready and willing to make. In just two days, you can learn to interrupt endless conflict cycles and create a safer connection that can last a lifetime.

If you and your partner are struggling, Hold Me Tight®️ can help. And if you are doing well, Hold Me Tight®️ can take you from good to great. My colleague, Vicki Kennedy and I have been leading Hold Me Tight®️ workshops since 2018. We do at least four a year and our next one will actually be ON Valentine’s Day weekend, 2026, in Orlando. It’s only three months away and the time to get in on it is NOW. See all the details and sign up today at www.hmtcouplesworkshops.com.

Learn more about Mark and Vicki
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Prepare for a transformational experience.

We All Need to Matter

Wed, 12 Nov 2025 13:48:35 GMT

We All Need to Matter

I met a young man recently who impressed me deeply. He was in my home doing some repair work. He was capable, courteous and likable, probably would be successful at about anything he undertook. As he worked and we talked, he mentioned having been in Afghanistan.

“You’re a veteran?” I asked.

“Yes, two tours,” he replied.

He seemed to have come home intact, free from those visible and invisible scars of war that so many combat veterans carry.

I asked him, “Do you miss it?”

I expected him to say how glad he was to be away from the killing and chaos of combat; but he surprised me.

“Yes, I miss it,” he said emphatically. “I miss it everyday.”

“Why,” I asked, “would you miss the bombs and the bullets and the ever present shadow of death?”

His answer was profound but simple.

He said, “Because there, I mattered . I mattered to my unit. I mattered to my superiors. I belonged. I was there for them and they were there for me.”

And here at home, all that was missing. He’d left it on the battlefield.

That young fellow’s powerful insight underlined something deep and universal. We all need to matter to the people who matter to us. Without it, we feel lost and lonely. Back at home, something was missing for that former soldier; I could see it in his eyes; surely many other vets can relate.

But that need to matter isn’t just in military service.

Indeed, all of us are born with a need for connection: the need to be seen, heard, valued, to belong, to matter. Connection is part of being human. We are born seeking it and needing it and we never outgrow it.

As a couples therapist, I know that when intimate relationships struggle and self-destruct, the core issue is strikingly similar to the young vet I met. It’s a sense of disconnection. Often, couples in distress fear that they don’t matter to the one who matters most to them. They feel alone, sometimes rejected, certainly unloved.

Often, they come for therapy hoping I’ll help them “communicate” better or teach them to “fight fair.” But the real missing piece is their disconnection and the pain that comes with it.

This is what we learn—and learn to change—in a Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat. Hold Me Tight®️ is a two day group experience of learning and doing for couples at any age or stage. We learn about the groundbreaking science of attachment (no “psychobabble” here). Love really does make sense. We’ll learn not only what all couples need and seek; we’ll learn how to break cycles of conflict to help you and your partner know that you matter—deeply.

Hold Me Tight®️ is low key. No pressure. No one is put on the spot. Couples go at their own pace. After just two days, you will leave with a roadmap for connection that can last a lifetime. My colleague, Vicki Kennedy and I have been leading Hold Me Tight®️ workshops since 2018. Our next in person event will be on Valentine’s Day weekend, February 13 & 14, 2026 near Orlando, FL. All the details are at www.hmtcouplesworkshops.com . Spend two days with your partner and other couples in sunny Florida and make Valentine’s Day really count in the new year. Don’t wait. Sign up today. Space is limited.

Learn more about Mark and Vicki .
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Prepare for a transformational experience.

Hiding in Plain Sight

Tue, 07 Oct 2025 16:06:44 GMT

Hiding in Plain Sight

On June 5, 2002, 14 year old Elizabeth Smart was kidnapped in a suburb of Salt Lake City, Utah. Her captors, a mentally ill religious zealot and his wife, did not flee to another continent or a foreign country. Instead, they stayed right in Salt Lake City. They actually went out in public. They made Elizabeth wear a headscarf and a veil, but they visited stores, restaurants, the public library and so forth. Ultimately, after 8 months and a relentless nationwide search, authorities found her only 18 miles from where she was abducted. Elizabeth Smart’s abductors hid her in plain sight.

Stories like that are more common than we think. It happens a lot that what we most want to find turns out to be right in front of us—hiding…or hidden…in plain sight right under our noses.

Couples Hide Too

As a couples therapist, I know that it happens often in relationships too. Human beings were born to bond. We all seek a safe, intimate connection, open and transparent, “fully known and fully loved,” as the late Tim Keller put it. Unfortunately, couples seldom reach that goal.

We all have parts of us we don’t want to show, don’t want to share…parts of us we don’t like, for which we fear that our loved one might judge or even reject us. So, we pretend, cover up and keep distance. We live in the same household, sleep in the same bed, but we hide…in plain sight. We do life together, raise children, work and play, laugh, cry and grow old but parts of us, we never share, never show. And in many ways, we live lonely and alone.

How sad.

Mind you, everyone has a right to (and maybe a need for) a measure of privacy. But, when it comes to our deepest fears, needs, wishes and wants, we need a place and a person with whom we can share all of that…safely, confidently. We need someone who accepts and loves us unconditionally. Many couples never find the joy and deep contentment that comes with that kind of connection. They settle for arm’s length living. They live as intimate strangers. And they think that’s as good as it gets.

It isn’t.

We Can Connect Deeply

A deep, close connection really is possible. It involves two dynamics that many couples don’t know or won’t attempt: vulnerability and empathy. Vulnerability is the willingness to let your partner in, to risk showing them the parts no one else sees. And empathy is “catching” your partner when they take the leap of faith to open up and let you in. Empathy is accepting your partner fully, even the “less than perfect” parts. This is a both/and process; vulnerability and empathy must go hand in hand.

Learning this—and practicing it—is what we do in a Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat. We learn the power of safe connection. It’s called “attachment” and it’s truly our real “love language.” All of us seek a safe connection…from the cradle to the coffin. Hold Me Tight®️ helps couples build that connection. In just two days, we learn to make sense of the crazy conflict cycles that catch us by surprise and pull us apart. We learn that, as unique as every couple is, coupes in love have so much in common. We learn from each other and develop both the confidence and competence to connect deeply with the one we love most. And we leave with a roadmap that can last a lifetime.

No more hiding in plain sight. We were born to bond. Find out how at Hold Me Tight®️.

Head for the Mountains

Our next retreat is in just two weeks. Join us in the beautiful Blue Ridge Mountains at the Art of Living Retreat Center ( www.aolrc.org ) in Boone NC. October is the height of fall colors. This world class venue alone is worth the trip. And the workshop is a chance to build a connection that is truly worth the work. Decide together…no more hiding in plain sight—no “love at arm’s length.” This is your chance.

Head for the mountains, October 17 & 18. All the details are at www.hmtcouplesworkshops.com . Sign up today!

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The No Shame Zone

Mon, 29 Sep 2025 14:11:47 GMT

The No Shame Zone

I’ve been counseling couples and leading couples workshops for quite a few years now. Without a doubt, from my experience, Hold Me Tight®️ couples workshops are more powerful and bring faster real, lasting change than any other experience couples can share. Vicki and I lead them at least four times a year because we believe in Hold Me Tight®️ and we know what it can do. We’ve seen couples transform in just two short days. Something is especially powerful about being in a group with other couples on the same journey, sometimes feeling equally stuck or overwhelmed, struggling with the same frustrating patterns, emotions, wishes and mistakes. Couples can empathize, encourage and understand one another at Hold Me Tight®️. Realizing that we’re not alone (and not as messed up as we think) is uniquely comforting.

The Hardest Part

But, the hardest part is always the first step: signing up, trying a new experience. And many things might get in the way: hectic schedules, tight budgets, uncertainty. Indeed, for couples who aren’t ready, any excuse will do. But, more than anything else, the most daunting thing for couples who want to come, who NEED to come to Hold Me Tight®️—is shame.

That might sound strange, but shame is behind the self-talk that says, “Nothing is wrong with our relationship. We don’t need a couples workshop. We’re no worse than other couples. We can fix it on our own. I don’t want others knowing my business about my marriage.” We live in a culture that tells us that getting help (from whatever source) is admitting some kind of failure. It’s weakness.

It’s also hogwash.

When you update your phone, are you embarrassed because it needed it?

Do you feel ashamed to get your annual physical?

If your car starts running rough and you take it to the shop, do you feel like a failure?

I’m guessing not.

The Big Lie

But, if your relationship—the most important relationship in the world to you—hasn’t been “tuned up” in years or is almost flatlining, something tells you to stick your head in the sand for fear that others might think less of you for seeking help.

That’s shame. It might look like denial or fear or just plain foolishness, but shame is underneath it all. And shame is poisonous. Shame paralyzes us. Shame tells us to hide…and shame is a lie.

It’s Time to Do Something

If your relationship is in trouble. Or, if it simply is not what you want it to be or not what it used to be, it doesn’t have to stay that way…there is no shame in saying so. The only shame is in doing nothing to change it.

Theodore Roosevelt said, “In any situation, the best thing you can do is the right thing; the next best thing you can do is the wrong thing. The worst thing you can do is nothing.” And when it comes to your most precious relationship, the best you can do is Hold Me Tight®️. I believe that one hundred percent.

The No Shame Zone

At Hold Me Tight®️ you will find a low key, safe place to learn about your relationship from the solid science of attachment. You’ll learn to understand what often makes no sense in your relationship…why you and your partner often repeat patterns (we call them cycles) of conflict and disconnection. You’ll learn how to change that, to connect in ways you never knew you could. You’ll go at your own pace. No one is put on the spot. We never push you; but we do point you to a new, deeper, closer connection that can last a lifetime. It truly is a “no shame” zone.

Give Hold Me Tight®️ a chance. You’ll be glad you did. Our next workshop is in less than a month. And it’s in the magnificent Blue Ridge mountains of North Carolina at the even more magnificent Art of Living Retreat Center ( www.aolrc.org ) at the height of fall colors. It’s a venue not to be missed.

So…don’t miss it!

All the details (and other dates for future Hold Me Tight®️ workshops) are at www.hmtcouplesworkshops.com . Sign up today!

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Time for an Update?

Tue, 16 Sep 2025 18:51:29 GMT

Time for an Update?

Like over 90% of Americans, I own a smartphone. It’s definitely a love/hate relationship. My phone frequently notifies me of a software update. It’s pretty easy to update my phone, and even more important. But, why update the software? I asked Google and here’s what it told me: “Smartphone software updates are crucial for enhancing security by patching vulnerabilities, improving stability by fixing bugs and glitches, and optimizing performance for a smoother experience.” Sounds good to me. All I know is: updates matter. They keep my phone working well. They are as beneficial as they are necessary. But, it occurs to me that not just smartphones need updates.

Smart relationships do too.

Update Your Relationship

Think about it. Relationship updates are crucial for the same reasons as software updates. Every couple needs security and protection. Every relationship needs to fix bugs and glitches now and then. Patching vulnerabilities and optimizing performance for a smoother experience is definitely good for the long run. Improved stability is a goal for any relationship. It’s an ongoing labor of love.

It Happens at Hold Me Tight

If that sounds good, and perhaps necessary for your relationship, then a Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat is just what you’re looking for. Hold Me Tight®️ will help strengthen and stabilize your most important relationship and help it run smoother. Hold Me Tight®️ is not therapy. It’s not a rebuild. It’s a two day, low key group experience of learning and practicing new skills and deeper connection with your partner. It’s a safe space. Couples go at their own pace. No one is put on the spot. You will learn lessons of attachment science. You’ll learn to make sense of conflicts that for too long have left you feeling stuck and perhaps hopeless to change.

But, you CAN change. You can break old patterns. You can create new ones. You can have conversations instead of confrontations. You can build a safe, strong connection, often in the span of just two days. Many couples leave with a sense of confidence and competence they never knew and a roadmap for a stronger, stable relationship. It’s a relationship update that every couple needs.

Head for the Mountains!

And, an added bonus is in where our next Hold Me Tight®️ workshop is taking place. The weekend of October 17 & 18, for the first time, we’ll be at the Art of Living Retreat Center ( www.aolrc.org ) in spectacular Boone, NC in the Blue Ridge mountains at the peak of fall colors. In addition to the workshop, you’ll have access to many enriching activities at this truly fantastic, world class venue. From the accommodations to the amenities to the meals, it’s a wonderful location for a wonderful workshop. Renew your relationship, your mind, body and soul on this weekend not to be missed!

Keep Your Relationship Smart

I got a new smartphone this past June. Since then, I’m on my fifth software update. When is the last time you updated your relationship? Your phone will last you a few years at best. Then you’ll replace it. Your relationship is meant to last a lifetime. It just needs an update now and then to keep it "smart." Here’s your chance! Come to Hold Me Tight®️ in Boone, NC next month. Space is limited. Sign up today! All the details are at www.hmtcouplesworkshops.com .

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Connection is the Key

Mon, 25 Aug 2025 13:58:09 GMT

Connection is the Key

What makes couples fall in love? Is it looks, sexual chemistry, personality? Is it the car you drive? (Kidding). Attachment science says it’s connection…a safe emotional connection. Connection is the key. By that, we mean that when we feel seen, heard, valued, as if we matter, we feel safe. We feel understood and trusted and cared for; that’s called safe attachment.

And we fall in love.

On the other hand, when and why do couples fail? What's missing? It’s the same word—connection. Specifically, it’s the lack of it. A thousand things can pull couples apart over time. Stress from jobs, money, children, family demands, depression, addictions, the challenges and changes life throws at us can all put the pressure on. But, problems alone need not destroy a relationship. It’s when we don’t “turn toward” one another to manage those problems. When we distance and disconnect; that’s when we end up alone, even in the same household, living parallel lives. How do we reconnect?

Conversations, not confrontations

Conversation is vital. But, there are all kinds of conversations. We need conversations that connect us. Connection is about understanding and being understood, listening to your partner with interest and compassion. It’s listening the way you would listen to a friend, without judgment or criticism. Listen more than you talk. (Remember, you have two ears and one mouth.) Aim for empathy. Empathy is about emotions, not information. Information doesn't create intimacy. Only empathy does that. Empathy is from the heart, not the head. Ask questions that help you understand. Avoid "why" or "what" questions. Those get us into our head. Ask deeper questions. Imagine what it's like for your partner. Try to see from their point of view. Focus more on their experience than their opinions. And, don't try to solve it. Just get it. The point is, don't analyze, don't strategize: Empathize. Don't problem solve; understand. Just get it. Connection happens there and it can turn a broken relationship around.

Find Out How at Hold Me Tight®️

These are the lessons we learn and practice in a Hold Me Tight®️ couples workshop. No one is a relationship expert from the start. Some of us might have more experience with safe attachment than others, but all of us can can learn and grow. Hold Me Tight®️ is a great place to do that. Hold Me Tight®️ is rooted deeply in attachment science and the tenets of Emotionally Focused Therapy. It has the best track record in the business and couples routinely rave about the confidence and competence they acquire in just two days of a Hold Me Tight®️ workshop. Hold Me Tight®️ is laid back, low key and safe. No one is put on the spot. Couples get to learn and practice new skills and they go at their own pace. You will leave with a road map for connection that can last a lifetime.

Head for the Mountains!

And, this October, our Hold Me Tight®️ workshop will be in the beautiful Blue Ridge mountains of North Carolina. The Art of Living Retreat Center ( www.aolrc.org ) is an amazing destination unto itself—a world class workshop in a world class venue. We’ll be there at the height of fall colors. It’s a weekend not to be missed.

All the details are at www.hmtcouplesworkshops.com . Join us October 17 & 18 for Hold Me Tight®️ in the mountains!

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Prevention is Best

Mon, 18 Aug 2025 20:08:03 GMT

Prevention is Best

Benjamin Franklin famously said, “An ounce of prevention beats a pound of cure.” I think he was right. Preventing heart disease, for example (with exercise and a healthy diet) beats cardiac bypass surgery by a mile. An oil change on your car is way better than an engine rebuild. Prevention is easier, faster and cheaper almost every time. It’s true in relationships too. Love is meant to last a lifetime. But a relationship left unattended will eventually wear out—and many do. Repairing it in couples therapy is often expensive, difficult and time consuming. Instead, a little attention along the way can help you avoid those costly repairs.

Protecting Your Relationship

That’s what a Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat is for. Hold Me Tight®️ is a great “ounce of prevention” for any couple. Although Hold Me Tight®️ can certainly help struggling couples, “the sooner, the better” is definitely true here. Hold Me Tight®️ isn’t really about major repair. It’s more prevention than cure. Hold Me Tight®️ isn’t therapy. It’s a low key, low impact group learning experience. Hold Me Tight®️ teaches powerful relationship lessons such as why and how couples bond, what they need and how they come apart. And couples don’t just learn; they actually practice new conversations, privately, in real time, that make for deeper, closer connection. Each couple goes at their own pace. No one is put on the spot. It’s a safe, supportive space that gives confidence and competence for the long run. In the process, Hold Me Tight®️ couples learn to catch problems early, interrupt their conflict and build a safe, dependable bond. They learn to do this before they need major repairs. And they lay a foundation for a lifetime of love.

Hold Me Tight is for Smart Couples

Many couples think that attending a couples workshop is evidence of trouble, so they steer clear. They think that only struggling couples need Hold Me Tight®️. But that is no more true than taking a vitamin is proof of poor health. Vitamins help prevent the need for stronger meds later. Hold Me Tight®️ does the same for your most precious relationship. Hold Me Tight®️ could be the smartest thing you and your partner ever do together.

Give your relationship a healthy boost…and the earlier, the better. Every relationship can get stronger. Healthy people don’t wait until something is wrong to do what’s right. They want to stay strong and get ever stronger. Do the same for your love life. Prevention beats cure by a mile. Strengthen your love. Take it from good to great. Hold Me Tight®️ is how.

Florida or North Carolina

Join my colleague, Vicki Kennedy and me for a two day Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat. Come to Orlando in November or head to the mountains with us in October. At the peak of the fall colors, we'll be in Boone, North Carolina at the spectacular Art of Living Retreat Center in the breathtaking Blue Ridge. All of these workshops are live and in person. Get full details at www.hmtcouplesworkshops.com. Space is limited so sign up today. You’ll be glad you did!

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The "Other Side" of the Coin

mbecklpc@gmail.com (Mark Beck) — Thu, 17 Jul 2025 19:45:19 GMT

The Other Side of the Coi n

In my last blog post, we said that the most vital skill for any strong relationship is empathy. (If you haven’t seen that blog, check out “The One Skill Your Relationship Can’t Do Without”.) Empathy is vital in love. But, empathy is not the only important skill. That hit record has a flip side. What is it? It’s vulnerability. Close connection in love demands vulnerability, almost by definition. Vulnerability: the willingness to open up, to show and share the deep stuff: wishes, needs, fears, uncertainties, insecurities, the things about us that we often prefer to hide. In any healthy relationship, vulnerability and empathy go hand in hand. Each makes the other possible. Without them, couples live at arm’s length, “hiding in plain sight,” like intimate strangers. They might be together…might even be married, but they aren’t close. Maybe you know this all too well. Maybe you live it everyday.

Important, but not Easy

As crucial as vulnerability is, why is it hard to practice? For one thing, it’s risky. Putting yourself out there with your partner demands trust. Expressing needs or admitting faults or fears sometimes feels weak or “clingy.” Brene’ Brown says that vulnerability is “the first thing I look for in you, but the last thing I want you to see in me.” That is scary and, if vulnerability has hurt you in the past, going there now is doubly hard.

But, there simply is no substitute for vulnerability. C.S. Lewis said, “To love at all is to be vulnerable.” Without it, we are cut off and alone. That’s a painful place to be; relationships slowly starve that way. Humans are born to bond. Distance and disconnection are emotionally traumatic. On the other hand, openness and honesty assure us that we are not alone, that we have a safe haven to come to and a secure base to go from in life. Vulnerability allows us to know and be known…completely. It might be a heavy lift, but it is worth the work. The payoff is far greater than the payout.

Vulnerability Ground Rules

Practicing vulnerability is easier if we keep a few things in mind. First, vulnerability is not weakness. Far from it. Indeed, vulnerability is strength. Brene’ Brown says it is one of our greatest measures of courage. It tells your partner that you’re all in and willing to let him or her in as well. Truly opening up to your partner is a great gesture of trust and faith.

Second, vulnerability is about expressing your needs, wishes, fears and concerns. But, it’s NOT about dumping blame and criticism on your partner. Nothing is vulnerable about that. It’s one thing to say, “Sometimes I feel alone; I’m not sure how much I matter to you and I don’t know how to tell you.” It’s quite another to say, “You’re self-centered and don’t care about me at all.” Both statements might be true to you. The first is vulnerable. The second is vindictive. The difference is between expressing emotions and expressing opinions. One is vulnerable. The other will likely start an argument. So, when being vulnerable, talk about your experience in the moment, not your opinion about your partner. Give your partner something to understand or empathize with, not something to argue or defend.

Hold Me Tight®️ Can Show You How

Vulnerability and empathy are the “twin towers” of a healthy relationship. This and much more is what we learn and practice at a Hold Me Tight®️ couples workshop. Hold Me Tight®️ is rooted in attachment science, helping couples build strong bonds. Hold Me Tight®️ is not therapy, but will teach you the tenets of a method called Emotionally Focused Therapy. Couples often go home feeling literally transformed, never again the same. And the results last. This isn’t just an emotional “sugar high.” Hold Me Tight®️ has the best track record in the business.

In just two days, you and your partner can learn to interrupt conflict cycles and build powerful connection through vulnerability, empathy and so much more. Give your relationship a boost that will last for the long run at a Hold Me Tight®️ retreat. All the details are at www.hmtcouplesworkshops.com . Our next workshop is in August. Time to sign up today!

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The One Skill Your Relationship Can't Do Without

mbecklpc@gmail.com (Mark Beck) — Mon, 14 Jul 2025 19:18:55 GMT

The One Skill Your Relationship Can't Do Without

Lots of things make for a healthy relationship: affirmation, trust, sacrifice, forgiveness, commitment. But, maybe the most important skill, the one no healthy relationship can do without…is empathy. Empathy is the ability to recognize and convey not only your emotions, but your partner’s emotions as well. Humans are bonding mammals and emotions are how we bond. Emotional connection is the lifeblood of any relationship. Your partner needs to know that you “get them,” that you understand their world, that you support and believe in them, that you are there for them. Empathy gets all that across.

The Four Steps of Empathy

The renowned researcher, Brene’ Brown, says that empathy has four elements. The first is what she calls “perspective taking.” That is simply putting yourself in your partner’s shoes, seeing through their eyes, from their perspective. This requires patience and sometimes vulnerability to set aside your ideas and opinions and truly get curious about your partner’s. Try to see the situation through his or her eyes. That is a generous gift.

The second element of empathy is to stay out of judgment. Sometimes, when trying to imagine your partner’s perspective, your own values or opinions bubble up. Voicing them only blames and belittles your partner. Judging is about opinions. Empathy is about emotions. When connecting emotionally, what you think about your partner is immaterial. You can disagree with someone and still know that they are hurting or struggling. Not judging your partner conveys understanding and compassion. It is comforting. Sue Johnson was right when she said, “People calm down when they feel understood.”

The third element of empathy is identifying the emotion you see in your partner. Ask yourself, “What must this be like for my partner?” Is it painful, sad, frightening, worrisome, discouraging…you get the idea. Again, stay out of judgment; just be curious and open minded.

And the fourth element goes hand in hand with that. Acknowledge that emotion and validate it. “I can imagine how hard that must be for you. You’re going through a terrible time. I totally get why you’re struggling and I’m glad you told me.” Giving it words is comforting and says that your are there for your partner. You’re not trying to fix it or give advice; you’re just acknowledging their struggle, that it matters to you and they aren’t alone in it.

Learn Empathy at Hold Me Tight®️

Empathy is every great couple’s “superpower.” And empathy is one of the skills we learn and practice in a Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat. Hold Me Tight®️ is all about emotional connection and every couple has room to grow here. So, whether you and your partner are disconnected and feel miles apart or you merely want to make a good relationship better, Hold Me Tight®️ has something for you.

Hold Me Tight®️ is a two day workshop with other couples, learning and practicing new skills and conversations you may have never had, or known how to have. Hold Me Tight®️ will show you where and how you and your partner get stuck and what to do when that happens. It will give you a roadmap for reconnecting. You will leave with the confidence and competence to be closer than ever. (And yes, empathy will be a huge part of it!)

Make a Lasting Difference

So, spend a couple of days with your partner (and other couples) and come away different and better than ever. All the details are at www.hmtcouplesworkshops.com . Our next workshop is in Orlando in August and in Boone, NC in October. Space is limited so sign up today!

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Maintenance is Key

mbecklpc@gmail.com (Mark Beck) — Mon, 07 Jul 2025 22:59:00 GMT

Maintenance Matters

My wife and I bought a car recently. Not a new car, just new to us. We spent a small fortune on it and I’m determined to take good care of it. I vacuum it religiously. I check the fluids, tire pressure, mileage. I keep it clean, inside and out. I wash it at least once a week and am careful not to track a lot of dirt inside it. I’ve watched You Tube videos on simple maintenance such as oil changes, tire rotation and so forth. I’m no master mechanic, but I like to do the little things any shade tree mechanic might. We keep it out of direct sun when we can and drive as carefully as possible.

Why Worry about Upkeep?

Last week, finishing up another car wash, sweaty and tired, the thought occurred to me: why do all this work? It’s only going to wear out eventually. Cars don’t last forever. And the answer is simple: I want my car to last as long as possible. I don’t want to replace it anytime soon.

And then a different thought occurred to me. Do I invest as much in something that won’t (or shouldn’t) wear out? Say, for instance, my marriage. I attend to details with my car. Can I say the same about my marriage? How much time have I spent in the past month (or year) on my most important relationship—one meant to last a lifetime? Am I paying attention or on autopilot? Do the mechanics of marriage matter to me as much as the mechanics of my car? I know my marriage matters more, but I’m not sure you could prove it by the time I devote to it.

I Want My Marriage to Last

I want to do better on that count. And if you do too, then Hold Me Tight®️ may be just the ticket. A Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat is great maintenance for any relationship. It’s two days devoted to your one relationship meant to last a lifetime. Hold Me Tight®️ is a low key group experience with other couples that will help you keep your love in tip top shape. You’ll learn simple ways to interrupt small problems early and heal bigger ones that you thought you’d never work out.

Hold Me Tight®️ is based on decades of attachment science and the powerful tenets of Emotionally Focused Therapy. But, it isn’t therapy. It’s simply learning together, with and from other couples. You’ll make sense of struggles that often don’t. And you’ll have time for private conversations to practice the new skills you’re learning. No one is put on the spot. You can go at your own pace...and leave with the confidence and the competence that you never knew you could have.

Hold Me Tight Can Help

Cars don’t last forever. Marriages can. Making yours last for the long run is not at hard as you might think. Your love is worth everything you invest in it. And Hold Me Tight®️ may be the best two days you’ll ever spend.

Our next workshop is in Orlando in August. Or, if you like a change of scenery, we’ll be in the beautiful Blue Ridge Mountains of Boone, NC in October at the fabulous Art of Living Retreat Center. These are in person workshops and they can make a world of difference. Find the retreat that works for you at www.hmtcouplesworkshops.com . Here’s to a love that lasts a lifetime!

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Trust is Key

mbecklpc@gmail.com (Mark Beck) — Wed, 25 Jun 2025 14:34:25 GMT

Trust is Key

I had a strange experience recently. I was out of town (in Texas, actually) and absentmindedly left my phone in a WalMart restroom (big mistake, but I know I’m not the first). I realized what I’d done less than 20 minutes later and headed back for my phone. Too late…it was gone. Now, if you found a lost cell phone, what would you do? You’d probably try to contact the owner or at least leave it with someone responsible. You’d make a good faith effort. Most people would. But, not all.

With my wife’s phone, I called my number and, sure enough, someone answered. He indeed had picked up my phone. I was relieved…for a second. Then, the guy told me he’d happily return the phone to me…for $200, via Cash App. I don’t know who was dumber: me for leaving my phone behind or him for thinking I’d give him a dime to get it back. We both knew one thing: whether I paid him or not, I’d never see that phone again. It was a sad lesson in broken trust as my faith in humanity slipped a few notches. Chalk one up for the school of hard knocks.

Trust is Vital

And I learned again that the world goes crazy really fast without simple trust. Maybe it’s naive, but we all trust…everyday. We trust that the driver beside us in traffic is paying attention to the road. We trust our doctor to be competent. We trust that the guy who finds our cell phone will return it and not extort us! In a thousand ways, we trust that people will just do the right thing. And it usually works out. Sadly, though, sometimes it doesn’t. Fortunately, my mistake only cost me some time and a few (quite a few) bucks for a new phone.

But, when it really counts, trust is absolutely crucial—like with the one you love. Trust, say, in marriage, is a whole other level. The fact is that we all need and seek a safe, dependable bond with the one we love. We need the assurance that our partner is there for us—that they believe in us, have our back, care for and support us, that they’ll behave on our behalf. It creates safety and security and without that, we truly struggle. In fact, it’s traumatic.

Learn to Build Trust

So, building and maintaining trust in love is Job One. That is the glue without which relationships inevitably go awry. And that is what we learn and practice in a Hold Me Tight®️ couples workshop. Hold Me Tight®️ is a game changer for any relationship. Based on attachment science and the tenets of Emotionally Focused Therapy, Hold Me Tight®️ will help you understand and build the kind of trust and safety that lasts a lifetime.

My colleague, Vicki Kennedy and I lead Hold Me Tight®️ retreats four times a year. We’ve been leading them for years now and we’ve seen what just two days at Hold Me Tight®️ can do. These workshops can be transformational. Our next one is in Orlando, FL in August. And, if you’d prefer a cooler climate, join us in Boone, NC in October during the height of fall colors. All the details are on our website at www.hmtcouplesworkshops.com. Every relationship needs a solid foundation. It starts with trust. Let Hold Me Tight®️ show you how.

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Change Your Viewing

mbecklpc@gmail.com (Mark Beck) — Thu, 29 May 2025 13:09:23 GMT

Change Your Viewing

What is the first step to changing our station in life, changing a situation or a relationship? I suggest it starts with changing how we view things, how we look at the problem or the person. Do we see burden or a blessing…obligation or opportunity? Often, when we’re stuck, say, in a difficult relationship, we see our partner as an opponent. He or she is the problem. We may even go find a therapist whom we hope will “fix” our partner. We focus on the other’s weakness, faults and failures, how they let us down and miss the mark. If that is your focus, then the more you look, the more you will see. Most couples who come to me for therapy are so focused on their partner’s problems that they can’t see anything else. They are often stuck in blame and negativity. And what we see informs what we believe. If we see only the bad in our partner, it’s easy to believe that he or she doesn’t love us or that the relationship is hopeless. That’s when couples don’t call me; they call lawyers.

A Two Step Process

The great Solution Focused teacher, Bill O’Hanlon said that change is a two step process. First, we change our viewing. Then, we change our doing. Changing our viewing is about seeing more or better in our partner than faults and failures. Cognitive behavioral therapists helps clients change their thoughts…and thoughts arise out of how we see a situation (our viewing). Even the Bible is in on it. Long before modern psychology, Jesus boiled all of his teaching down to one sentence. He said, “In everything, do to others what you would have them do to you.” We call it the Golden Rule, and it starts with how you see others…what you see IN others.

Give What You Want to Receive

So, what would change if you decided to see in your partner what you want him or her to see in you? We all want our partner to believe in us, to give us the benefit of the doubt, to see our best intentions and to give us credit when we try (even if we fall short). We want our partner’s love and encouragement. The Golden Rule simply says, “If you want that, then give that.”

Too often, our Golden Rule is tit for tat. It’s transactional: “I’ll do for you IF you’ll do for me—but you first.” That’s not golden. Changing your viewing means taking the first step. Give the benefit of the doubt FIRST. See and say the positive despite the negative. Give what you want to receive.

That is a game changer.

Relationships change when we see our partner in a new, more loving way. Actions follow. With a new “viewing” then comes a new “doing.” It sometimes takes time, but this is where we start.

Hold Me Tight Helps

And this is some of what we learn in a Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat. Hold Me Tight®️ is a two day couples workshop where couples learn to change their viewing and change their doing. They learn to interrupt cycles of conflict and cutoff. They make sense of what so often makes no sense. Why do we so often hurt most the one we love most? Why do we get so sucked up in negativity and blame? How do we break those cycles?

Hold Me Tight®️ really does help you see your partner and your partnership in a new way. Couples often leave after two days with tools they never knew they could find and the confidence to use them. The weekend is low key, fun and you get to go at your own pace. No one is singled out or put on the spot. You learn how much you have in common with other couples facing some of the same struggles.

If you’re ready for a change, Hold Me Tight®️ is what you’ve been looking for. Learn about Hold Me Tight®️ at www.hmtcouplesworkshops.com . Workshops are coming up, but they’re also filling up. Sign up today!

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We All Need Predictability

mbecklpc@gmail.com (Mark Beck) — Fri, 25 Apr 2025 14:27:38 GMT

We All Need Predictability

If you are invested in the stock market, it’s been a roller coaster lately. Indeed, perhaps the best short run strategy is to close your eyes and hold on and ride it out—just like on a roller coaster! However you view the market moves we’re seeing—tariffs and the like—one thing is pretty clear: markets don’t like unpredictability. Uncertainty makes markets very nervous. Hence, lots of ups and downs make for tension and trouble. It’s human nature; unpredictability is stressful in any context.

Relationships Need Stability

I’m a couples therapist and I see the same thing in relationships. Unpredictability not only shakes up markets. It shakes up marriages. It undermines key relationships. When we don’t know what to expect with our partner (or we DO know what to expect and it isn’t good), we struggle. Indeed, in attachment science terms, that is one way to define conflict. Conflict is unpredictability, uncertainty with our attachment figure, our partner, our spouse, the one we want and need most to count on and be there for us.

It Happens to us All

Does that ever happen in your relationship? (Be honest because it happens to all couples from time to time.) We want and need connection with our loved one. Connection is stability…predictability in relationships. The key question for any couple is “Are you there for me?” When the answer is yes, we feel safe and close. We relax; indeed, we thrive. But, sometimes, we’re not sure. We say or hear something the wrong way. Our partner confuses us or lets us down somehow. Whether it’s accidental, incidental or even intentional, when we feel unheard, unseen, unimportant, unwanted in some form or fashion, our relationship doesn’t feel so safe. Instead, it feels unpredictable. And that is a problem. As we said, relationships don’t like unpredictability.

Good Intentions but Bad Results

So, we react—in pretty predictable ways. We might “pursue” our partner, try to reconnect, make our case, get answers or just get through to them. We might become angry or critical or suspicious and hurtful, as if we hate our partner. Or, we might pull away. We might clam up to avoid a fight and keep things from getting even worse, which only looks to our partner like we don’t care or have no feelings. And often, while one partner pursues, the other pulls away and it becomes a feedback loop (what we therapists call a “cycle”) that seems just to go on and on.

In the heat of the moment, that cycle seems crazy, chaotic. It’s a good intentions/bad results situation. How is it that we hurt most the one we love and want more than anyone else? It seems irrational—insane. Our relationship becomes totally unpredictable—very much like a roller coaster ride. And that cannot go on forever; if we don’t interrupt that cycle, it will eventually destroy the relationship. But, here’s the good news: we CAN interrupt that cycle. We can make sense of it. We can bring some comfort to the chaos and get off the roller coaster.

Hold Me Tight®️ Can Change It

And that’s what we do in a Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat. We help couples make sense of their cycle. We help them create some predictability and go from confrontations to conversations, conversations that help and even heal. We help couple reconnect in ways that make their relationship predictable and safe again.

Hold Me Tight®️ is a low key group experience where couples learn how alike they are and often make huge strides in the span of just two days. Think about being one of those couples. You’re closer to it than you think. No telling how long the stock market will take to settle down, but if your relationship is unpredictable, help is right around the corner!

We have workshops coming up, literally at home and abroad. This year, we’ll be in Tuscany, Italy; Boone, NC and of course, Orlando. All the details are on this website. Space is limited so sign up soon!

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Safety First

mbecklpc@gmail.com (Mark Beck) — Tue, 01 Apr 2025 21:22:26 GMT

Safety First

A local factory required all of its employees to attend a safety class. One fellow didn’t really pay attention and when the final exam at the end of the class asked, “In case of a fire, what steps would you take?” the fellow answered, “Large ones!”

“Safety First” is a wise strategy, everywhere from the workplace to the highway to healthcare to childcare. Injuries and accidents cost multiplied billions every year and it’s always better to prevent an accident than to treat one.

Whatever the setting, people do better when they feel safe.

Safety First in Love Too

And, surprisingly, that even applies in relationships. “Safety First” is an excellent strategy in love too. As a therapist, I practice a method called EFT—Emotionally Focused Therapy. It’s deeply rooted in attachment science and basically says that all humans seek a safe emotional connection (key word: safe). We all seek someone whom we know is there for us, who will be accessible and responsive and engaged with us, someone we can count on and believe in.

Research shows that, when we feel safe with our partner, we thrive: physically, emotionally, in just about every way that we can thrive. We are more resilient, more creative, more capable, more productive. Indeed, safe connection is how attachment science defines love.

And, when we don’t feel safe, we fall into distress. The pain and panic we feel comes out in many ways, none of them good. We might turn up our emotions, become aggressive, critical, anxious or overbearing to get through to our partner. Or, we might pull away, go silent, disappear, disconnect to keep from making things worse. And often, when one partner does one thing, the other does the opposite, feeding off of one another’s moves. Most of these moves are not even conscious. But they are consistent, even predictable. And usually destructive. So, in EFT terms, relationship distress—conflict—is a lack of safe connection.

Make Your Relationship a Safe Place

So, the goal in any relationship then is not to agree on everything or solve every problem with your partner. The goal is to create safety, to reassure one another in the moment that they matter and we care and to draw closer, not further apart, when problems arise between us.

Of course, the question for all the money is: how do we do that? How do we create safety with the one we love?

Build Safety with Hold Me Tight®️

That is what we do in a Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat. Hold Me Tight®️ is a two day group experience where couples learn and actually practice creating that safety—in real time. They learn to understand their conflict patterns. They learn how much they have in common with other couples—their actions, reactions, needs and longings. And more importantly, they learn to change those negative patterns, to build safety that we all need in order to be and do well. They learn to have conversations, not confrontations. Along the way, they often heal old hurts as they create a stronger, deeper connection that lasts.

Hold Me Tight®️ is not therapy. It’s education and experience that can make a world of difference in a matter of just two days. It’s low key. No one is put on the spot. Couples go at their own pace and many leave knowing that their relationship will never be the same.

Vicki Kennedy and Mark Beck have been leading Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreats for six years and this year, we offer events near Orlando, but elsewhere as well.

For example, wouldn’t you love to learn life changing Hold Me Tight®️ lessons in Tuscany, Italy, or the breathtaking Blue Ridge mountains as the fall colors change? Check out www.hmtcouplesworkshops.com and find all the dates and places where you can experience Hold Me Tight®️.

“Safety First” is a great rule of thumb. Make it a rule of love and it just may change your life.

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Curious or Critical

mbecklpc@gmail.com (Mark Beck) — Fri, 14 Mar 2025 15:07:09 GMT

Curious or Critical

Somebody said, “Marriage is a never ending conversation.” I think that’s true. It certainly is a never ending education. That’s part of what makes it fun. Everyday I learn something about my wife, Debbie, about how she sees the world and sees me. And I’m often surprised at our different perspectives. We were on the verge of an argument the other day, simply because we both saw the situation very differently. Neither of us were wrong. But, once I realized how Debbie saw things, I understood her actions and reactions much better. And I realized again that a real key to connection lies in understanding, more than being understood. The late Sue Johnson used to say, “People calm down when they feel understood.” I’ve certainly found that to be true.

Just Get It

If I know that Debbie “gets” where I’m coming from (not that she agrees with me...just that she gets it), that she just understands my point of view, I relax and “feel felt.” And she does the same when I “get” her.

And then, we become a team. Compromise is easier. We’re more patient and caring. Solutions almost come to themselves. So, striving to understand my partner, to put myself in her shoes, is perhaps the best thing I can do.

Making a Choice

Whenever the tension rises between partners and conversations might turn to confrontations, couples in that moment have a choice. They can either become critical or curious. It is indeed a choice. Critical is where we find fault, lay blame and get defensive. Critical is when we think the worst and make a case against the one we love. Critical couples become opponents. Curious couples, on the other hand step into their partner’s shoes and seek to understand, more than to be understood. They become a team.

This simple pivot, from critical to curious, can be a game changer.

Hold Me Tight® Is Where You Will Learn

And it’s one of the skills couples learn in a Hold Me Tight®️ couples workshop. Hold Me Tight®️ can make a world of difference for couples at any age or stage: young, old or in between. Hold Me Tight®️ is two days with other couples learning the power of attachment science and the EFT (Emotionally Focused Therapy) model. But, Hold Me Tight®️ isn’t therapy. It’s learning and doing with your partner and other couples in a low key, go-at-your-own-pace, safe setting. You and your partner will not only learn one another’s perspective. You’ll learn from others facing the same issues and challenges as you. You’ll be amazed at how much you have in common with other couples.

Hold Me Tight®️ has transformed relationships the world over. Those who attend consistently say how surprised they are at how much they learn and grow, even those who believed they were beyond help. Come to Hold Me Tight®️ and see what a difference two days can make.

HMT Couples Workshops has a variety of dates and locations coming up. This year, we’ll be in Tuscany, Italy, Boone, NC and of course, Orlando, FL. Check out all the dates and details at www.hmtcouplesworkshops.com. Don’t miss all that Hold Me Tight®️ has to offer!

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Love Is a Team Sport

mbecklpc@gmail.com (Mark Beck) — Wed, 29 Jan 2025 13:04:12 GMT

Love Is a Team Sport

If you’re a sports fan (specifically, football) this is your favorite time of year. The NFL playoffs showcase the best of the best and even for the non-fanatics out there, some important truths are evident. Football, like many other sports, is a team game. For sure, individual superstars shine, but only because those around them pull together for a common goal. The best teams operate as one. Eleven players, all on the same page: focused, supportive, picking each other up, pursuing the same goal. When they do, they become more than the sum of their parts…highly efficient. They minimize mistakes and overcome them when they happen. When adversity hits, lesser teams slip into fault finding, sniping and looking out for number one. In any sport, if teammates ever become opponents, they can’t win. It’s game over.

Relationships Take Teamwork

That isn’t just true in sports. Marriage, committed relationships, may be the ultimate “team” sport. Few things in life demand more cooperation, coordination, mutual support, respect, faithfulness and working for a common goal. Partners in love have to team up, pull together, trust and encourage one another. When they do, when they are there for one another, great things happen. We know that a healthy, secure relationship makes us more creative, more capable, more resilient and more successful in just about every measure of success. In short, we become our best selves. We can weather any storm as long as we remain a team.

On the other hand, when a relationship is struggling—when we poke and provoke, when we shut down and pull away—when conflict becomes combat, things cannot go well for long. The team is no longer a team. Any relationship where the “opponents” are on the same side is doomed. Eventually, it’s game over.

Hold Me Tight Teaches Teamwork

All teams face this threat at some time or another. All couples have to learn to manage conflict. Knowing how to do it doesn’t just come naturally. If your team is stuck, coming apart, don’t panic. It doesn’t have to stay that way. Indeed, that’s what a Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat can help fix.

A Hold Me Tight®️ retreat is a great way to become a team again…a great way to get on the same page, pulling FOR one another instead of AGAINST. Every sport has certain fundamentals. No team can win without them. The same is true in love. Hold Me Tight®️ will teach you the fundamentals. They are rooted in what we knew about attachment. All of us seek and need our partner to be there for us. When that doesn’t happen, we fall into patterns, ways of reacting that make opponents of us. The goal of the game then is to team up against those patterns, to reverse them. So, the opponent in this most important game is not our partner; it’s the pattern that we fall into. Once you change that negative pattern, you can truly win the prize!

The Best Coaching Out There

Hold Me Tight®️ is time tested and proven. Thousands of couples just like you have learned to team up and pull together, not apart. Even if you are or have been in therapy, Hold Me Tight®️ can be a different experience. You’re with other couples, just like you, learning and practicing new skills, new ways of teaming up. No pressure, no one put on the spot, you go at your own pace. And in just two days, you can find your focus again, learn how to be teammates again and know that you can win together. In the biggest game, the game of love, you can indeed win. Let Hold Me Tight®️ show you how.

Our next Hold Me Tight®️ retreat is NEXT WEEK near Orlando. Don’t miss it. All the details are on this website. Space is limited so sign up today! You’ll be glad you did.

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Relationship Rescue

mbecklpc@gmail.com (Mark Beck) — Fri, 24 Jan 2025 17:30:46 GMT

Relationship Rescue

You might remember the cruise ship Costa Concordia that foundered off the coast of Italy in 2012 after her captain carelessly steered her too close to shore. Rocks tore a 175 foot gash in her hull and the ship listed severely to her starboard side, taking on water and running aground. Ultimately, 32 people died and the recovery cost about $2 billion. Perhaps the greatest blunder though, was that the captain waited over an hour to give the order to abandon ship. For such negligence, he was ultimately convicted of manslaughter and sentenced to 15 years. Indeed, he left the ship with 300 passengers still on board! (He said he “fell” into a lifeboat as it was being lowered.)

The Obvious is Easy to Ignore

All of the captain’s negligence and hubris notwithstanding (they’d been at sea for two days and had yet even to conduct a muster drill), the captain’s refusal to declare an emergency and call for help is not surprising. Humans have a natural tendency to avoid recognizing a severe crisis in the moment, especially if we had a hand in it. We see it all the time, refusing to leave a burning building, evacuate in the path of a storm, isolate in a pandemic. Psychologists call it an “incredulity response,” our capacity for denial when we’re in danger because we don’t want to acknowledge that we’re in trouble.

Couples Run Aground Too

I see this all the time in committed relationships. Many couples “hit the rocks.” That’s no surprise and there’s no shame in it. The shame is in telling ourselves, “It’s no big deal; nothing is really wrong. We’re fine. We don’t need help. We’ll make it.” So, they keep doing what they do—same arguments, same responses, same old dance that gets them nowhere. John Gottman has discovered that the average couple struggles along for about six years knowing that something is wrong before finally getting help. What a waste of precious time. And by then, the help they need is almost always more acute, more urgent and more expensive than it would have been sooner.

Don’t be one of those couples. Don’t let your “incredulity response” take you under. If you and your partner get stuck in conflict cycles, same pattern no matter the topic, if you seem to get nowhere no matter how hard you try, if you don’t know how to fix it (and you are losing hope that you’ll ever figure it out), that IS in fact a big deal. It’s not something to ignore. Things like that can get better, but seldom do on their own. Telling yourself otherwise won’t change it. So, get help. Do something different.

Hold Me Tight is Relationship Rescue

That’s what Hold Me Tight®️ is for. Hold Me Tight®️ is a way to get unstuck. It’s hope for when you’re foundering. Hold Me Tight®️ has helped literally thousands of couples to understand their relationship in new ways and change the patterns they never knew they could. It’s a roadmap for deeper connection and healing. In just two days, you and your partner (together with other couples) will learn not only what to do to get off the rocks; you’ll actually do it in real time conversations with one another.

Hold Me Tight®️ is not therapy. It’s low key learning and doing. No one is put on the spot. Couples go at their own pace. We don’t push you. But we do point you to deeper, safer connection. Hold Me Tight®️ is based on attachment science and the tenets of Emotionally Focused Therapy. That is, it’s not psychobabble. Decades of research and results undergird this powerful model. Hold Me Tight®️ has the best track record in the business.

Don’t Delay

Maybe you know your relationship is aground. Maybe you’re “too close to the rocks” and you want to course correct before you get stuck. Either way, young or old, “newlywed or nearly dead,” married, living together, engaged, Hold Me Tight®️ can be a lifesaver. And, whatever your status or stage, help is always best sooner than later. Don’t tell yourself it’s okay when you know it’s not. Help is within reach.

Our next Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat is in two weeks. Check out all the details at www.hmtcouplesworkshops.com .

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Help Is Nearby

mbecklpc@gmail.com (Mark Beck) — Fri, 17 Jan 2025 15:23:05 GMT

When You Get Stuck, Get Help

I had a close call today. I was almost duped by a very slick hacker. He posed as a security guy from PayPal and I nearly gave him remote access to my computer. (I know, that sounds pretty stupid on my part.) Fortunately for me, when things smelled fishy, I tapped out before any real damage was done. But, I didn’t know what to do from there. I unplugged my PC and called an expert. He knew just what to do and he got me up and running in no time. What a relief! It cost me a few bucks, but most likely saved me a lot more.

Computers are a necessary evil in my life. I can’t even imagine managing my home or my business without one. But, they can sure be troublesome. And a cyber wizard, I am not. That’s my problem. I know just enough to be dangerous. It sure eases my mind that help is available when I need it. Because some things I can’t fix. That doesn’t make me stupid…it’s just not my expertise.

Relationship Need Repair Too

Relationships are the same way for a lot of folks. Most of us can't imagine not being in one. We are wired to connect with others, deeply, intimately. We need relationships even more than we need computers. Love is something we all crave. But, love can bring such problems, so much pain if we don’t understand how it works and what we need. And too many of us just struggle on our own when things go wrong. We don’t know what to do.

If your relationship is confusing, painful or even feels hopeless, I have good news: help is nearby. I know it for a fact. How do I know? I’m not a computer guy, but I am a relationship guy. That’s what I do and I know that relationships do make sense. Solutions are out there and you don’t have to struggle with it all on your own.

Get Help at Hold Me Tight

That’s what couples learn at a Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat. Hold Me Tight®️ is a two day workshop that helps couples understand their relationship in ways that they never did. Wouldn’t you love to understand what’s really going on when you and your partner get stuck in those same old patterns of conflict and discord? Wouldn’t you love to know how to feel safe again with the one you love most? You don’t have to just keep doing the same things and hoping for different results. Help is close by.

Hold Me Tight®️ is a safe, low key group experience. It isn’t therapy. In fact, many couples say they learn and accomplish more in just two days of Hold Me Tight®️ than in months of therapy. You and your partner will learn and even practice in real time the conversations you never knew you could have. No one is put on the spot. Couples go at their own pace. And you find that you are not that different from other couples.

Don't Stay Stuck

Sometimes, computers get viruses. So do relationships. They slow down, make you feel stuck. They stop working like they’re supposed to and you feel like just throwing the whole thing out the window. The good news is that you don’t have to fix it all by yourself. Let experts help you learn from attachment science and the time tested lessons of EFT (Emotionally Focused Therapy). Trust me, you’ll be glad you did. Help is just around the corner. Our next Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat is just a few weeks away. All the details are on this website. But space is limited.

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Comfort Isn't Always Comfortable

mbecklpc@gmail.com (Mark Beck) — Fri, 10 Jan 2025 00:47:25 GMT

Comfort Isn't Always Comfortable

Intimate relationships are never easy and too many don’t survive. Courtrooms and counselors’ offices are full of couples who didn’t set out to destroy their love; it just looks as if they did. Maybe you’re one of those couples…trying to figure out how you went from newlywed to nearly dead...and you never saw it coming...or you did and you didn't know how to stop it.

Comfort Can Kill

Seldom does a single, malicious act kill a relationship. More often, strangely enough, it’s comfort. How can comfort be a killer? Everybody loves comfort. Comfort is pleasant. But, comfort can be dangerous. Comfort means, "Let's just keep the peace; let's not confront this conflict, let's not fix that problem. Let's just avoid the pain and kick the can down the road. It's more comfortable that way."

Comfort is a close cousin to complacency. And complacency is often boring and mundane. Comfortable couples run the risk of drifting apart…slowly, imperceptibly, then waking up to find that they’re living parallel lives, completely disconnected. Many couples describe being stuck in a rut. And we all know that a rut is just a grave with the ends dug out.

If that’s where you are, be advised: if you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting. “Comfortable” relationships are actually quite dangerous. If your relationship is dying from comfort, if you want something different, then DO something different. Get out of your comfort zone. It could do wonders for your love.

Out of Your Comfort Zone

A Hold Me Tight®️ weekend couples retreat can make a world of difference. Come to Orlando and get out of you rut. Join other couples for two days of learning and making sense of your relationship. Learn the powerful lessons of attachment science. Learn to understand the patterns that create conflict and distance between you and your partner. Learn to interrupt those patterns. Break out of complacency. Learn new patterns that will connect you and create safety together. Heal old wounds and take your relationship deeper than it’s ever been.

A Game Changer

Couples who attend Hold Me Tight®️ workshops consistently use words like “transformational” and “amazing” to describe their experience in the span of just two days. Many couples say they make more progress in two days than they’ve made in months of couples therapy. They leave with confidence and a path forward. Some leave saying they have hope they’ve never had and never thought they could find.

Hold Me Tight®️ is easy and low key. It’s different from therapy. Couples go at their own pace. No one is put on the spot. You will learn how much you have in common with other couples, how normal you really are. You will develop new skills. You will leave with a road map for finding one another and where you want to go as a couple.

Small Risk, Big Reward

Robert Allen said, “Everything you ever wanted is just outside your comfort zone.” If you want a closer relationship, take a little risk—measured risk, mind you, but step out of your comfort zone. The reward is a deeper, closer relationship, and it’s just as near as our next Hold Me Tight®️ weekend. It’s next month. Don’t miss it!

All the details are on this website. Seating is limited. Sign up today!

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Happy New Year

mbecklpc@gmail.com (Mark Beck) — Thu, 02 Jan 2025 13:12:12 GMT

Happy New Year

So, what about your New Year’s resolutions? About 40% of us resolve to do (or stop doing) something in the new year: save money, get organized, lose weight, quit smoking or some other bad habit, get in shape. (Local gyms are swamped for a few weeks every January.) Resolutions are great, but we all know that most don’t last. In fact, research says that 88% of us will give up on our New Year’s resolutions by the second Friday in January. This year, “Quitter’s Day” will be January 10. Yes, “Quitter’s Day” really is a thing. The reasons we quit are many. Some of us aim too high and set unrealistic goals. Some of us let others drag us down. Some of us simply don’t feel an urgency about our resolution. In other words, it just isn’t worth what reaching our goal will require: the time, effort, expense and so on. At the end of the day, the chances of you sticking to your resolutions depend most on how much reaching your goals matters to you.

You have to ask yourself, “How much is it worth to me?”

Some New Year’s resolutions are more pressing than others, and more worthwhile.

How about resolving to improve your marriage?

How much is that worth to you?

A Truly Worthwhile Resolution

What more worthwhile goal could any of us set, given what we know about the value of healthy intimate relationships? Indeed, few things could be more important or better for us. We know that people in healthy relationships generally enjoy better emotional and physical health, tend to live longer, suffer less anxiety and depression, less addiction and, when they do get sick, tend to heal faster. They tend to enjoy more stable relationships across the board. They tend to advance further in their careers and make more money over the course of a lifetime. They even tend to enjoy more and better sex.

In short, a healthy love relationship pays off in all kinds of ways. It’s a goal well worth pursuing and prioritizing.

And it’s a great New Year’s resolution.

A Resolution That Lasts

But, how can we help you survive “Quitter’s Day?” How can we ensure that this New Year’s resolution lasts much longer than two weeks?

That’s where a Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat comes in. Hold Me Tight®️ is a two day couples workshop with the best track record in the business. It’s based on attachment science and the tenets of Emotionally Focused Therapy. But, Hold Me Tight®️ is not therapy. It’s a low key group experience where couples learn to connect more deeply than ever before—and do it safely and without pressure. No one is put on the spot. Couples go at their own pace.

And, after decades of Hold Me Tight®️ success the world over, 70% of couples who attend not only report excellent results, they say that they are still doing well two years afterward. (That’s two years…not two weeks!)

If any goal is truly worthwhile, improving your love relationship is surely at the top of the list! And the best part of all that is that our next Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat is next month. It’s the perfect New Year’s resolution. Get in now on something that can truly bring lasting change to the most important relationship in your life.

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When You Hit Turbulence

mbecklpc@gmail.com (Mark Beck) — Mon, 16 Dec 2024 14:21:44 GMT

When You Hit Turbulence

Now and then, I travel by air. I enjoy it, for the most part. But, on one trip, seemingly out of nowhere, the plane hit heavy turbulence. Suddenly, the cabin was shuttering and shaking. I looked outside; the wings were visibly bouncing up and down as the plane lurched and pitched. I tried to hide my fear, but (pardon the pun) it really shook me up. My stomach tightened; my breathing got shallow. I couldn’t think straight. Having such little experience with something like that, I feared we would crash.

But, then, I noticed the flight attendants. They were cool as the backside of a pillow…no panic or alarm. I wondered how they could be so calm. Soon the pilot came over the intercom and in a steady, measured voice, explained that turbulence is normal, the plane was built for much, much worse and it would all subside in a few moments. The crew had been through this many times. They understood what was happening and what to do. I was so glad that somebody did! Their calm was contagious. Gradually, I was able to relax and realized that it wasn’t the crisis I had feared it was. That was a game changer. I got through it and now, turbulence isn’t the problem it used to be for me when I fly. It still happens, but I know what it’s about when it does and that gets me through. .

Couples Hit Bumps Too

As a therapist, I often see couples in heavy turbulence together. They don’t know what is going on; they just know it’s scary. They are disconnected, unhappy and nothing seems to help. Their best intentions fall flat and they are sure they are going to crash.

So, they come to me and give me their opinions—about their problem and their partner. They make their case. “It’s their fault,” they say. They have a long list of complaints and they want me to fix it (which usually means fix their partner).

They think they need new skills. They want to negotiate better or learn to “fight fair.” They want to communicate better (when, in fact, they communicate just fine. The messages come through loud and clear; and they hurt). But, the problem is deeper than that. I learned that on the airplane. When your relationship is struggling, when you feel disconnected, rejected, unwanted, unloved, that is a crisis that truly puts you in an emotional free fall. In that state of fear, uncertainty, even panic, everything with your partner becomes harder, sometimes impossible. You can’t think straight, can’t relax and unless or until you can make sense of what’s happening, things will only get worse. So, the fundamental problem in a struggling relationship is not a lack of skills; it's a lack of safety.

More Than Meets the Eye

On that plane, I thought we might crash. But, once I saw it differently, things changed. When you and your partner are disconnected and struggling, more is happening than meets the eye there too. But, you can change that. You can slow things down and make sense of what so often doesn’t. You can restore the safety you once had and cannot do without. You can learn what you and your partner really need (and it isn’t about the kids or the laundry or the budget or…fill in the blank). It’s deeper than that.

And THAT is what we do in a Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat. At Hold Me Tight®️ you learn from decades of attachment science and a method called Emotionally Focused Therapy. You will learn what is really happening when you feel that free fall and what to do, not just to survive it with your partner, but actually to grow closer through it. Wouldn’t that be great—actually growing closer when you hit rough air instead of crashing and burning? How reassuring to learn that your relationship is not doomed. It’s not a lost cause. You really can make it through the turbulence.

Change Things Forever

Hold Me Tight®️ is two days that can change your relationship forever. It’s low key, but powerful. It’s not therapy; it’s learning and doing with your partner, at your own pace, with a “crew” (Vicki and me) who have led many other couples through it. No one is put on the spot and you will get more than skills. You will get a roadmap that will help you through the turbulence that many couples don’t survive.

Before you talk about new skills or problem solving in your relationship, first, restore the safety. Without safety, no couple can fly well. That’s the secret sauce in Hold Me Tight®️. But, don’t take my word for it. Learn for yourself.

Our next workshop is in February near Orlando, FL. All the details are on this website . Plan now to be with us then. Seating is limited. We can’t wait to see you!

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In Person Or Online?

mbecklpc@gmail.com (Mark Beck) — Mon, 02 Dec 2024 14:52:32 GMT

In Person or Online?

Vicki and I will start something new in March of 2025. We have been leading in person Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreats at least four times a year for six years now. No two are the same; we always see amazing results and we get more than we give every time. And, in addition to our in person workshops, we’ll also begin offering online Hold Me Tight®️ workshops next year. In person and online workshops are definitely different. Each format has its own advantages. So, what’s different about the two and what is the same and which might be best for you?

I’m glad you asked.

What’s the Same?

First of all, whether in person or online, the learning material, what we teach, is exactly the same. At Hold Me Tight®️, couples learn a great deal about attachment science, what’s really going on when couples disconnect and how to create connection that truly lasts. Hold Me Tight®️ is rooted in research; it’s not pseudo-science. Couples benefit from decades of data. We serve it in bite size doses, and, whether you join us in person or online, you’ll get the same awesome information. In person couples get a hard copy workbook. Online couples receive that same workbook digitally. The couple exercises, a series of conversations that each build on the one before are also exactly the same in both workshop formats. And Vicki and I are available to help couples who get stuck or have questions, whether in person or online. So, in terms of information, materials and exercises, in person or online Hold Me Tight®️ are virtually the same.

But, there are also big differences.

What’s Different?

Many people feel that in person Hold Me Tight®️ is more personal and interactive. The face to face component of being physically with other couples and the leaders can be a real plus. Especially for those coming from out of town, they can get away from their routine, truly focus on one another and enjoy some real one on one time. Many couples find that time away together is well worth the effort and expense required to make it happen.

On the other hand, in person Hold Me Tight®️ might require travel, perhaps child or pet care and other expenses, and blocking off the time to make it all happen. Some couples might find that too hard or impractical to manage. Online Hold Me Tight®️ is more convenient for them. They can do this powerful workshop and never leave home. It only requires a secure online computer connection with a camera and microphone. And it requires a commitment to manage distractions and interruptions as best you can. That can be tough from home, but it’s certainly doable. Online Hold Me Tight®️ couples may not be able to interact physically with other couples, but they can still interact with other couples and the leaders, ask questions, converse and offer feedback live and in real time online. It’s possible to become a cohesive, supportive group, even in an online setting.

Either Way, It’s Powerful!

At the end of the day, Hold Me Tight®️ is a powerful experience, whether in person or virtual. Each format has its advantages, depending on a couple’s needs and preferences. Either way, in just two days, couples can come to see their relationship in new ways, interrupt problem patterns and find a safer, closer connection than ever before.

All the details are on this website. Plan now to give your relationship a gift that keeps on giving. Join us for Hold Me Tight®️ in 2025!

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What About Love Languages?

mbecklpc@gmail.com (Mark Beck) — Tue, 19 Nov 2024 17:55:50 GMT

The Five Love Languages

Dr. Gary Chapman’s “The Five Love Languages” is one of the most popular and prolific couples self-help books in history. Since its initial release in 1992, through several revisions, it has sold over 20 million copies. That’s one popular book! Perhaps you’ve read it. If not, it’s worth your time. Chapman basically contends that romantic love shows up in five ways. He calls them “languages.” In no particular order, they are: personal touch, words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service and giving gifts. The idea is that all of us have a top one or two love languages and that couples can and should know, not only their own love language, but more so, their partner’s. And the more you and your partner speak one another’s language, the more love you’ll both share.

A Few Reflections

As a therapist familiar with attachment science, I’d like to share a few thoughts on the five love languages. This is not to criticize or minimize Dr. Chapman’s work. His book has obviously enriched many, many couples. But, three things about the love languages are worth bearing in mind.

Don’t Generalize

First, Chapman says that we all have one or two primary love languages. To suggest that there are only five—and that one or two love languages define us—oversimplifies a very complex topic. No one is a one (or two) trick pony. For example, if your partner’s “primary” love language is words of affirmation and they call you from the side of the highway, having run out of gas, I don’t recommend that you offer compliments. What they need right there (and what will no doubt speak love) would be an act of service—in the form of a gas can!

Chapman would be the first to tell you that his five love languages are anecdotal. He deduced them from his own experience as a pastoral counselor. They seem spot on, but they have no research behind them. No doubt, there are other languages. Perhaps we’d do well not to assume, but instead to ask what our partner needs at a given moment. The very act of asking can be a love language in its own rite that shows you care and that no doubt will make your partner feel valued.

Don’t Weaponize

Second, Chapman’s goal in the book (and what many couples miss) is for couples to learn their partner’s language rather than getting their partner to speak theirs. If the book merely makes your case that your partner isn’t showing up for you (“I need more acts of service and he/she won’t give me that!”) it won’t help your relationship; it will likely only damage it. And, on a deeper note, it’s easy for couples to fall into a transactional trap with “The Five Love Languages.” By that I mean you might find yourself saying, “I’ll give you more acts of service if you give me more physical touch.” And, then, you slip into negotiating, scorekeeping and bargaining for the best deal. That doesn’t build love; it creates friction. Be careful not to weaponize the five love languages.

Go Deeper!

And last, while the book can indeed strengthen your relationship, just changing behaviors (more acts of service or more quality time, etc.) sometimes glosses over deeper hurts, fears and disconnection that couples ignore at their peril. If a lamp is unplugged, changing the bulb won’t do any good. Just changing relationship behaviors can be like rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic. This is where attachment science comes in. It takes us deeper, to the real needs and fears and hurts that couples simply must address first. So, for all the good that “The Five Love Languages” can do and has done, real intimacy, real connection is deeper.

And that’s the power of Hold Me Tight®️.

Hold Me Tight®️ Goes Deeper

Hold Me Tight®️ picks up where other good work leaves off. It’s rooted in attachment science and the tenets of Emotionally Focused Therapy, the gold standard for healthy relationships. I appreciate Gary Chapman’s vital contributions to countless couples. But, I love that Hold Me Tight®️ goes further, deeper, to where couples truly connect, feel safe and heal.

If you’re ready to go there in your relationship, Hold Me Tight®️ is for you. Plan now to join us in February for our next couples retreat near Orlando, FL. Get all the details on this website.

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Another HMT Couples Retreat in the Books

mbecklpc@gmail.com (Mark Beck) — Tue, 12 Nov 2024 15:37:43 GMT

Hold Me Tight Reflections

This blog comes on the heels of our Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat in Orlando this past weekend. Vicki and I have been leading these workshops for going on six years now. No two are ever the same, but one thing is always true: Hold Me Tight®️ is the funnest part of my work. The energy and interest in the group never fails. And that’s what this blog is about: I just want to describe a Hold Me Tight®️ workshop—what you can expect and why this is a priceless opportunity to retool your relationship.

A Great Venue

Our recent retreat was held at the Hilton Garden Inn in Winter Park (just outside Orlando). It’s a spacious facility with a comfortable meeting room where we get to enjoy learning and conversing as a group, but also plenty of room on the grounds for couples to break out and converse privately. Hold Me Tight®️ offers time for both.

Although Vicki and I are licensed therapists and Hold Me Tight®️ is based on the tenets of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), the workshop is not therapy. It’s a chance for couples to learn amazing insights from attachment science AND for couples to practice new skills, what we call conversations for connection. Each conversation delves progressively deeper. Couples go at their own pace. No one is put on the spot. We don’t twist arms. We don’t push you; but we do point you toward vulnerability and empathy—two key dynamics in a safe connection.

Diverse, but not that Different

Perhaps the best part of a group experience like Hold Me Tight®️ is the diversity. Our group in the last workshop included couples together from three years to almost thirty. Several relationships were second (or subsequent) marriages. Some couples had biological children; some had step children. Some had both. We had empty nesters. We had blended families. We had two career couples and couples managing retirement. One couple had a spouse working for weeks at a time out of town. And one couple was returning to Hold Me Tight®️, having attended previously two years ago. And, as different as all these couples were, they had much in common. They wanted more than a roommate or a co-parent. They wanted an emotional connection, a safe place with the one they love. All of us do. That common ground is what matters most.

As you can imagine, these very different couples came to Hold Me Tight®️ for different reasons. Some were excited about just sharpening their skills and making a good relationship better. Others would have told you they were stuck and scared, unsure if their marriage could be saved. And all that diversity of age and stage, of situation and circumstance was encouraging and reassuring.

Great Feedback

A group like that is almost always energized and inspired. In the span of just two days, couples can make incredible progress, nothing short of transformational. Let me just share with you some of what our participants said about Hold Me Tight®️ by way of feedback afterward:

“This was amazing and super beneficial.”

“Thank you for the new life in our marriage.”

“Our counseling sessions were just spinning our wheels, no progress. This weekend allowed us to clear the deck and recommit.”

“I’d recommend this to any couple at any stage of their relationship.”

“This is a road worth taking.”

There are no guarantees in Hold Me Tight®️. It’s a “get out of it what you put into it” proposition. But, I can guarantee you that Vicki and I will do our best to help you see your relationship in a new way and give you not only the tools, a roadmap for closer connection, but the confidence that you can get to where you want to go together. As one of our other couples said after the retreat, “This works if you work it.”

Don’t Miss It!

Hold Me Tight®️ is life changing. So many other couples know it firsthand. Why not you? Our next Hold Me Tight®️ retreat is in February, the weekend before Valentine’s Day. Start planning now to be in Orlando and give your relationship a gift that keeps on giving. I promise, it will beat the heck out of cards and candy! See the home page of this website for all the details.

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Going Deeper

mbecklpc@gmail.com (Mark Beck) — Tue, 05 Nov 2024 12:11:35 GMT

All Couples Conflict

What do you and your partner argue about? When the sparks fly, what are the hot button issues between you? No two couples are the same, but what and how couples conflict is fairly consistent. Money, sex, religion, in-laws, children, household responsibilities, how to spend leisure time: these are the big seven. Trust and commitment are also often hot topics.

Since I’m a therapist, couples often come to me to work these things out. Sadly, many of them are truly stuck by the time they do; the emotions can run very hot in my office. And it’s tempting to jump in and try to fix things for them. Sometimes, I feel like wearing a striped shirt and whistle like a referee, deciding who’s right and wrong, negotiating, finding solutions for them. If I go there, I often end up working harder than the couple and, for all the effort, it seldom works.

It’s Deeper Than That

Emotionally focused therapy has taught that it’s never really about money or sex or children…. The specific topic is just window dressing. It’s deeper than that. It’s about connection. It’s about attachment and what all humans have in common. Humans are bonding mammals. That is, we need connection. We need the safety and strength that comes from having key others (in relationships, it’s our partner, our spouse) on whom we can depend, who will have our back, support us, show up for us, believe in us. It’s all about a safe emotional connection.

We All Need Connection

We need this from birth. Infants need connection, attachment in order to survive. And we never stop seeking it. As adults, attachment is one way to define love. When we are securely attached, we thrive. But, if we feel unseen, unheard, unimportant, alone, distant, disconnected or worse, rejected, it isn’t just painful; it’s traumatic. Our brain codes it just the way it codes physical pain.

So, the fight only seems to be about money or sex or in-laws or (fill in the blank). It’s about “Are you there for me? Do I matter to you? Can I count on you? Do you see me and am I important in your life?” Unless or until the answer to those questions is yes, we struggle. And no amount of negotiation or conversation skills or rules for “fighting fair” will work. We have to get deeper.

And that is what we learn and do in a Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat. Hold Me Tight®️ is rooted and grounded in all that we know about attachment science. At Hold Me Tight®️ you and your partner will learn with other couples what is really happening when you get in those same tired, seemingly endless cycles of conflict where, no matter the problem, the pattern is the same. You know one another’s moves like the back of your hand and you seem to end up in the same place every time: disconnected, neither really hearing the other, talking AT one another instead of WITH one another and miles apart when it’s all said and done.

Don’t Give Up

Don’t give up. Hold Me Tight®️ will help you break those cycles. Hold Me Tight®️ will show you how to have conversations, not confrontations. Hold Me Tight®️ will help you restore the safe connection you desperately need.

And the best news is, Hold Me Tight®️ is happening in Orlando THIS WEEKEND. You still have time to sign up and get in on two days that could change your relationship forever. Get all the details on the home page of this website.

Don’t miss out. Sign up today!

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No More Baggage Dragging

mbecklpc@gmail.com (Mark Beck) — Wed, 30 Oct 2024 15:53:24 GMT

Heavy Loads Hurt

Yesterday, on a bike trail near home, I saw something I’d never seen. A couple was walking side by side smiling and talking, enjoying each other’s company. I would hardly have noticed them, except the man happened to be dragging a very large truck tire behind him by a heavy chain tied around his waist! It looked truly bizarre, but actually, he was doing resistance training. That tire was quite a load and he was both working his legs and his heart: good strength training—good cardio. But, then it occurred to me: what I saw on the trail was more than an unorthodox workout. It was literally a walking metaphor (pardon the pun).

I did a double take as I wondered to myself how many others on the trail that beautiful day were dragging heavy loads of their own, just not the kind I could see.

We're All Baggage Draggers

Life piles all kinds of things on us: losses, disappointments, things we’ve done, things done to us. And we drag around the pain, the guilt, the anger, the hurt…sometimes for years. We seem fine on the outside. But, inside, over time, baggage dragging takes a toll. It’s not a good workout. It's harmful, not helpful. It doesn’t build resistance. It builds resentment. It breeds bitterness. And we learn, often the hard way (through poor health, poor performance, poor relationships) that what we hold onto holds onto us.

Baggage dragging often happens in relationships between partners who love one another dearly, but have built up hurts and resentment that slows them down and holds them back. Often, distressed couples speak of feeling stuck or far apart. That’s the long term fallout of baggage dragging: resentment, distance and disconnection. Most couples don’t know what to do with all that baggage. So, they either try to ignore it and just keep dragging it (much to their detriment), or they fight intractable, fruitless fights that lead nowhere. Eventually, the relationship either dies or couples just give up and settle for living at arm’s length.

Learning to Let Go

There’s got to be a better way. And the good news is: there is.

A Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat in Orlando is a great place to begin letting go. At Hold Me Tight,®️ couples learn the amazing lessons of attachment science. They learn to connect deeply; and that includes healing old wounds and finally letting go of old baggage.

In this low key, group experience, couples learn and practice vulnerability and empathy. They learn what it means to be there for one another. They learn to manage conflict (sometimes, it's more important to manage it than resolve it). They learn to have conversations, not confrontations.

In just two short days of Hold Me Tight,®️ couples can make huge strides in letting go of what has held them down and held them back, sometimes for years. They often leave with the confidence and competence to travel lighter and enjoy the journey more than they ever thought possible.

Here is Your Chance

Baggage dragging is no way to travel through life. We can learn to let go and travel lighter at Hold Me Tight®️. Find out more at on the homepage of this website.

Our next couples retreat is next week! Space is limited. Sign up today!

Learn more about Mark and Vicki .

Prepare for a transformational experience.

Catch Problems Early

mbecklpc@gmail.com (Mark Beck) — Wed, 23 Oct 2024 15:48:47 GMT

Catch Problems Early

As I write this, I am waiting in my dermatologist’s office to have minor surgery. He detected a small spot of skin cancer on my face. That’s always a potential problem here in sunny Florida. Fortunately, they caught mine early and the procedure to correct it should be fairly simple. They found my skin cancer in a routine exam. That is to say, I had no symptoms. It wasn’t visible, wasn’t conspicuous, or even noticeable. But, had I ignored it, it most definitely would have worsened and possibly become serious. As they say, prevention beats treatment. And even when treatment is required, the earlier, the better.

Earlier is Better

That is true in so many settings: fixing problems earlier is almost always easier, faster, less painful and less costly. As a couples therapist, I know that is also true with relationships. Countless couples look happy on the surface. They have no obvious signs of trouble. But, things are often brewing out of sight, even from them. And even after problems begin to show, sadly, by the time many couples come to me, they have struggled for quite some time, maybe for years. They’ve “kicked the can down the road” until they are in serious trouble. Some crippled couples are on “life support” by the time they seek therapy. At that point, the treatment is so much harder, takes so much longer and, sadly, some couples are past the point of no return.

Renowned relationship researcher John Gottman says that most couples wait an average of six years knowing that something isn’t working between them before they decide to get help. What a waste of time and energy. It makes so much sense to make a good relationship better rather than to wait until things are falling apart. Early intervention is smart.

Hold Me Tight®️ is a Great Start

And when it comes to an easier, simpler way to improve a relationship, often a Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat is a great intervention. Hold Me Tight®️ is a two day couples experience that can help couples change their relationship dramatically. Hold Me Tight®️ is not therapy. It’s less intensive, less intrusive and lower impact. Hold Me Tight®️ often helps couples catch potential problems before they have spread and become serious enough to need therapy. Or, Hold Me Tight®️ can help couples see that they indeed do need that level of treatment. Either way, Hold Me Tight®️ can make a world of difference for couples of any age, stage, situation or circumstance.

At Hold Me Tight,®️ couples learn to see their relationship in a new way. They learn the powerful lessons of attachment science. They learn to not only to understand conflict, but to interrupt it. They learn to have conversations, not confrontations. They learn to connect, often in ways they never knew they could. They learn to heal wounds, sometimes old wounds that have festered for far too long. Couples consistently leave a Hold Me Tight®️ retreat with confidence and competence they never had…all in the span of just a couple of days.

Take the First Step Today

So, when it comes to good relationship health, catching problems early is smart in every way. Hold Me Tight®️ is a great way to do it.

Don’t wait for problems to get serious. Don’t let them fester. Don't hide your head in the sand. Hold Me Tight®️ can be just what the doctor ordered. All the details are on this website. Our next workshop is just a few weeks away. Sign up today and join us in Orlando!

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Change Your Viewing--Change Your Doing

mbecklpc@gmail.com (Mark Beck) — Mon, 14 Oct 2024 22:23:57 GMT

Perception is Reality

The old adage "perception is reality" probably rings true. How you see a situation makes all the difference. That certainly applies to relationships and partners. Psychologists call it "confirmation bias." It just means that you see what you are looking for in your partner, be it positive or negative and anything to the contrary carries very little weight. Couples in conflict then, tend to see one another negatively, as insensitive, untrustworthy, emotionally absent, critical and so forth. We compile a catalog of evidence and can "litigate" our case to our partner at the drop of a hat. A true relationship danger sign (and what often happens in couples therapy) finds partners who love one another converting my office to a courtroom and prosecuting one another with blame, "what-aboutism" and contempt, trying to prove who is more wrong or less right. They are stuck in what John Gottman calls "Negative Sentiment Override." They only see the bad in one another. It's a one way road to relationship hell, as they say.

All of us in committed relationship have been there. And when you are, all you want to do is to change the conversation. But, you don't know how. These negative cycles, this "highway to hell" has no off ramp. But, here's the good news: you can exit. It's possible to change the conversation.

Changing the Conversation

And couples learn to do just that in a Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat. Hold Me Tight®️ teaches the amazing lessons of attachment science and the tenets of Emotionally Focused Therapy, the widely acclaimed gold standard for relationship renewal. Hold Me Tight®️ helps couples learn to see one another differently. They learn that they, in fact, want the same things in love; they're just pursuing them in very different ways. They learn that they are actually not enemies or opponents. They learn to build (or rebuild) safety and connection that they never knew they could.

And, at Hold Me Tight®️, couples don't just hear about this: they do it. They actually learn to have conversations they never knew how to have...conversations they never knew they needed to have. We're talking here about conversations, NOT confrontations. So, couples change not only how they see one another, but how they connect with one another.

Change Your Viewing--Change Your Doing

The well known Solution Focused practitioner, Bill O'Hanlon, in his book "Do One Thing Different," said that changing any situation (or relationship) is a two step process. It involves changing how we see the situation (or person) and changing how we act in that situation. In short, we need to "change our viewing and change our doing."

That is exactly what Hold Me Tight®️ is about. You and your partner will learn to see each other as allies, not opponents, as safety cues, not danger cues. Then, you will do a new thing--together: you will learn to turn toward, not against one another, even (especially) in conflict. You will learn the power of vulnerability and empathy in actual conversations that will change the climate in your relationship. You will be amazed at the changes that can occur in the span of just two days.

Low Risk/High Reward

Hold Me Tight®️ is not therapy. It's a low key, group experience where you'll meet other couples and see how much all of us have in common. You'll go at your own pace. No one is singled out or put on the spot. And you'll leave more capable and confident as a couple, with a new "viewing" and a new "doing" that can make a lifetime of difference. It is indeed low relationship risk and high relationship reward.

Hold Me Tight®️ is a chance to change the most important relationship in your world. You can leave the old behind and create a new normal. Our next workshop is next month. Sign up today. Come join us in Orlando!

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A Real Learning Experience

mbecklpc@gmail.com (Mark Beck) — Wed, 09 Oct 2024 20:13:40 GMT

A True Learning Experience

A Hold Me Tight®️ retreat is a transformational learning experience for couples. Two words there are key: learning and experience. First, what do you learn? You learn fascinating insights from attachment science. You learn that emotions are what drive us. Think about it: the word “emotion” contains the word “motion.” Emotions move us, motivate us. Emotions incite behaviors, actions and reactions. Emotions inform every level of our existence. And our most powerful, most vulnerable emotions are beneath the surface.

What’s Beneath the Surface?

It’s like an iceberg. Only about one fifth of an iceberg is visible above the waterline. Most of its force and mass lies unseen, hidden. So, too with us, our most “forceful” emotions are often out of sight (and maybe out of mind). Our deepest fears, needs and longings, we don’t show (and may not even know). That’s because those emotions make us vulnerable. We usually hide them, bury them. We hide them behind anger, criticism, sarcasm, blame. As they say, “The best defense is a good offense.” So we attack, lash out and hide that we are really sad or afraid or ashamed. Or we cover our deeper emotions by withdrawing, going away. We become indifferent, sullen or stoic.

Either way, we show one thing on the surface when underneath, our true emotions are very different. All of us have an inner reality that doesn’t always show in the surface.

See Through an Attachment Lens

At Hold Me Tight®️, couples learn to see their relationship through an “attachment lens.” And we learn how our emotions contribute to conflict. We learn to see and change old habits, old patterns. We learn about vulnerability and how to truly connect with the one we love. We learn to create safety and the assurance that we are there for our partner and our partner is there for us.

Learn AND Experience

There is so much to learn at a Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat. But, the second word we mentioned above is crucial too. Hold Me Tight®️ is a learning experience. The word “experience” means that you won’t just learn—you will do. You will put what you learn into practice—in real time. So, you won’t just hear about closer connection. You will actually do it.

At Hold Me Tight®️ you will get to practice new skills and have new conversations with your partner—conversations that you didn’t know you could have, that you didn’t know how to have. And because you actually do it, you leave competent and confident as a couple. You leave with a roadmap for lifelong connection. And, as with any roadmap, you still have to go, but you will know how and you will much more likely enjoy the journey.

Hold Me Tight®️ is two days of learning and experience for couples. But, rest assured, this is not therapy. It is a laid back, enjoyable weekend. Couples go at their own pace. No one is put on the spot or singled out. It’s not “pass/fail.” It’s a chance to see how much you and your partner have in common with other couples facing the same issues, the same struggles as so many others.

So, whatever your status, age or stage, whether you’re really struggling in your relationship or you just want to go from good to great together, Hold Me Tight®️ can make a world of difference. You’ll be amazed at how far two days can take you. But, don’t take my word for it. Our next workshop is only a month away. Sign up today. All the details are on this website.

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Preparation is Priceless

mbecklpc@gmail.com (Mark Beck) — Mon, 30 Sep 2024 13:00:02 GMT

Hurricanes Happen

I live on Florida's Gulf coast, where hurricanes come in all shapes and sizes. Some are worse than others, but they are never welcome or pleasant. And, while much about them is beyond our control, when a storm is brewing, the name of the game is preparation. Emergency supplies (and a plan for using them) can make a world of difference.

Back in 2017, Debbie and I had just moved to Florida from Virginia. We were newly settling in when Hurricane Irma set her sights on us...I mean, we were in the crosshairs. To be on the safe side, we evacuated. Before leaving, I prepared our property as best I could. However (I'm embarrassed to admit this) in all the turmoil of moving and resettling, I had forgotten to purchase renter's insurance. It had just slipped my mind until two days before Irma arrived and, by then, no insurance carrier would dare write a new policy for anyone in harm's way. I wasn't just embarrassed; I was ashamed. We could have lost everything because I failed to prepare.

Thank God, Irma swerved at the last minute and we dodged a bullet. But, I very nearly learned the hard way that preparation is priceless and I swore to do my best never to be in that position again.

Be Prepared

Preparation is priceless in lots of cases. It's especially true when it comes to relationships. When we first fall in love, we bask in the glow of what feels perfect and permanent. We can't imagine our partner hurting us or letting us down. And when that happens (and it always does) we're totally unprepared. Ready or not, conflict with the one we love is not a matter of if, but when. It's as inevitable as it is inconceivable.

And too many couples don't know what to do when it happens. They fall into negative patterns of conflict that become automatic, repetitious and destructive. These patterns seem to take us over. When you and your partner cross wires and the sparks fly, do you ever think to yourself, "Here we go again..."? and there's almost nothing you can do to prevent it. It's discouraging and depressing. You feel like a failure at the most important thing in life--love. When everything you do to fix it fails or only makes things worse, you begin to feel hopeless. Some couples throw in the towel.

It Happens to Us All

If that's you, at least know that you aren't alone. But, there's hope. It's possible to break those negative cycles. Conflict (and how we manage it) may be painful, but we can learn not only to understand it; we can change it. We can make sense of what so often doesn't. And that is what couples learn at a Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat. They learn from attachment science and the tenets of Emotionally Focused Therapy, the gold standard for healthy relationships.

Hold Me Tight Will Prepare You

At Hold Me Tight®️, you will learn what both you and your partner truly need and how to give it. You will learn how to heal old wounds and connect in ways that perhaps you never imagined. Hold Me Tight®️ is a low key group experience. Couples go at their own pace. Hold Me Tight®️ is not therapy. No one is put on the spot. Hold Me Tight®️ is safe. You will find how much you have in common with other couples facing the same challenges and struggles.

And most of all, you'll gain the confidence that you are equipped and prepared for the unexpected. You'll learn that you can grow closer and stronger as a couple even (especially) when you hit those inevitable bumps in the road. You'll know what to do and how to do it.

Have a Plan That You Know How to Use

The storms of life are inevitable, even in love. It's never fun. But, it doesn't have to blow you away. Preparation is priceless. Safeguard your love at Hold Me Tight®️. In just two days, you can truly change the most important relationship in your world.

But, don't take my word for it. Come see for yourself. Our next workshop is just a few weeks away in beautiful Orlando, FL. All the details are on this website.

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Two Rules for Living (and Loving)

mbecklpc@gmail.com (Mark Beck) — Wed, 25 Sep 2024 18:04:22 GMT

In Life (and Love), Perspective is Everything

Solution Focused Therapy has taught me two rules for living that, as best I can tell, always hold true. I’ve never found an exception. They are simple, but powerful. First: you see what you look for in life. Be it people you know or problems you face, how you perceive that person, that relationship, that challenge, that crisis, makes all the difference. If you look for positive in a person or situation (strength, value, beauty, worth) you will see it. You will find it. On the other hand, if you look for negative (malice, treachery, danger, disappointment) you will find that. And the second rule for living is tied inextricably to the first. Not only do you see that you look for; what you focus on, you magnify. That is, whatever you choose to see in a person or situation tends to be all that you see. And that perception will minimize and even blind you to anything opposite. If you believe a person is good and loving, you’ll be hard pressed to find negative in them. (And even if you do, it will have little weight. You’ll see it as an exception, not the rule.) Likewise, if you see that person negatively, that will likely be all you see and you’ll be hard pressed to change your mind.

This is a natural human tendency. You see what you look for and what you focus on, you magnify. And, like most traits, these two rules can benefit you, but they can also work against you. This is especially true in love relationships.

Cycles are Hard to Break

Many couples fall into destructive negative cycles that are hard to break—hard but not impossible. If you focus on your partner’s distance or indifference or perhaps chronic criticism or aggression, that emotional “tunnel vision” might make you lose sight of anything to the contrary. And the more of those negatives you see, the bigger they will appear to you. This is a dangerous negative spiral that makes many couples fall out of love and sometimes, throw in the towel.

But, it doesn’t have to be that way.

You Can Change Your Focus

Indeed, changing this pattern is one of the things couples learn to do at a Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat. Cycles of conflict are painful and confusing. They can feel impossible to change. But, Hold Me Tight®️ helps couples see their conflict and their whole relationship in a new light, through a new lens. Couples learn to look through an “attachment lens.” They learn the powerful lessons of attachment science. That attachment lens can help you see your partner in ways you never had before.

See Through an Attachment Lens

Imagine how things might change if you saw your angry or indifferent partner instead as desperately seeking a safe connection with you. Imagine how different things could be if you both learned not only what you truly need in your relationship, but how to get (and give) it safely and securely. These are just some of the lessons Hold Me Tight®️ can teach you and your partner.

Don’t just understand your conflict cycles—change them. Interrupt them and change how you see one another. Hold Me Tight®️ is the place to do it. Couples consistently leave Hold Me Tight®️ workshops saying they know where they want to go and how to get there. They leave with deeper connection and the confidence to maintain it. You and your partner can be one of those couples.

Our next Hold Me Tight®️ retreat is next month. Seating is limited so sign up today. All the details are on this website.

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I Gotta Get in Shape

mbecklpc@gmail.com (Mark Beck) — Wed, 28 Aug 2024 11:06:01 GMT

Time for a Change

I recently decided I need to get in shape. I've "let myself go" for too long. Fortunately, there is no shortage of good home based video programs for resistance training, flexibility or cardio health. So, I perused the internet and found one of each. (I’m going for the total makeover!) I ordered them and when they arrived, I was excited to start my fitness journey. Some of them told me I could get in shape in “just a few minutes a day.” How hard could that be? I was all in. Let’s do this!

So, I turned on the TV, queued the video, sat down on the couch and hit “Play.” I even popped some popcorn and got my favorite soda. I watched the first episode and, because I was really into it, watched a second session just for good measure. The next day, I did the same thing…sat right there on the couch and watched my fitness video. In fact, I watched every day for the next two weeks. I sat there faithfully and never missed an episode. After all, consistency is key, right? I couldn’t wait to look like those incredible people on the videos: slim, tight, perfectly toned—man, what bodies!

But, something didn’t work. So far, I haven’t lost a pound. My waistline is just as big (maybe even a little bigger). I’m just as puffy and lumpy as ever. I’ll never get in shape. I don’t get it. I watched, I listened, I paid attention. What the heck? I want my money back!

Okay, back to reality.

It's More than Information

You get the point and it’s pretty obvious: change never comes by simply learning new moves, studying new moves, talking about new moves, thinking about new moves or watching others do the moves. It only comes by DOING the moves, doing them yourself, over and over, creating new habits and mastering them.

Doing what I described above to get in shape is laughable. No one would do that. But, with relationships, we make those foolish mistakes all the time. We decide our relationship needs help, needs work. It’s not in good shape. So, we read books, we attend lectures and workshops and listen to experts tell us how to change our love life. We learn about “fighting fair” or negotiating a better deal with our partner. We take notes and talk ad nauseam ABOUT a better relationship. But, too often, we don’t (and don’t know how to) actually practice the new skills. So, we stay stuck—and then blame our self for one more attempt that failed.

Hold Me Tight is Different

That’s why I’m sold on Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreats. At Hold Me Tight®️, couples learn a lot, to be sure. They learn about the science of love. They learn about what all humans seek and need—a safe emotional connection. They learn how and why couples get stuck in the same cycles of conflict and disconnection. But it doesn’t stop with learning. They don’t just sit and take it in. Hold Me Tight®️ is about learning AND doing.

At a Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat, couples actually “get off the couch.” They actually practice new conversations, new ways to connect more deeply and safely than ever before. They learn to have conversations, not confrontations. They have these conversations in real time, but they do it privately. It’s safe. Workshop leaders are there to help is anyone gets stuck. Couples go at their own pace. No one gets put on the spot. Hold Me Tight®️ couples don’t just learn about new skills. They actually do them. And that makes all the difference. Each conversation builds on the ones before and couples go gradually deeper into vulnerability and empathy, the two skills can change a relationship forever.

Big Changes Can Happen Quickly

Hold Me Tight®️ is not miracle work and we don’t do rebuilds in just two days. But we do help couples see a way forward. They often leave confident that they can connect because they’ve actually done it, right there, in real time. And sometimes, that really does feel like a miracle.

But, don’t take my word for it. Find out for yourself. Learn all about Hold Me Tight®️ at www.couplesworkshopsofflorida.com. Getting your relationship in shape is a great idea. A Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat in Orlando will help you make it happen!

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Reflections on a Hold Me Tight Couples Retreat

mbecklpc@gmail.com (Mark Beck) — Wed, 21 Aug 2024 16:28:02 GMT

Reflections on a Hold Me Tight Couples Retreat

In this blog, I’d just like to share a few reflections on our most recent Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat. As always, it was nothing sort of amazing. No two retreats are the same, but they never fail to amaze Vicki and me. Last weekend, we welcomed eight couples to our Winter Park (Orlando) FL venue. That is a little smaller group than usual, but it only makes for a warmer experience. It’s always exciting to meet new couples for the first time, to hear their stories and what brought them our way. The couples in this retreat varied in age and number of years together, from 4 years to about 40 years. It was clear that some were very stuck, unsure that they could figure out their relationship, but willing to try. Others were happy together, but wanted to make their good thing even better.

Later, we learned that at least one couple saw the Hold Me Tight®️ retreat as sort of a “last best hope” before throwing in the towel on their marriage. You wouldn’t have guessed it to look at them, but they weren’t the first such couple to come to a Hold Me Tight®️ retreat as a last resort.

All Couples Have Common Ground

So, as we broke the ice and our couples began to get acquainted, we all marveled as always at how much all couples have in common. No two are alike, but we all have common wishes, common needs, common fears, common issues and common mistakes trying to manage them. That’s one of the great things about a group experience like Hold Me Tight®️. We see how alike we all are.

Together, our couples learned what attachment science can teach us about what all humans crave and how often and easily we get off track trying to meet those needs. As we began to make sense of it all, couples gained a new perspective on their relationship and their partner. They began to see one another in a new light. They learned new skills to connect deeply and practiced having conversations instead of confrontations. They learned about vulnerability and empathy. Each couple went at their own pace. No one was put on the spot. It was a safe, simple process.

Two Days Can Make a Big Difference

But, in the span of two short days, our couples found that small risks can lead to big results in love. As they learned to go deeper together, they learned how to interrupt cycles of conflict, how to show up for one another, perhaps for the first time (or the first time in a very long time). Some healed very deep wounds. Others connected like never before. And one couple told us, “Thank you for saving our marriage.”

Hold Me Tight®️ is not miracle work (although some couples have seen it that way). Couples get out of it what they put into it. And we don’t do rebuilds in two days. But, however much couples accomplish in two days, all of our couples leave the workshop with a road map, a direction for connection that can last a lifetime. And, if you’re lost in the wilderness, a roadmap can be an absolute lifesaver. It can make all the difference.

For me, Hold Me Tight®️ is the most rewarding experience I’ve ever had as a helping professional. One of our couples said, “This should be required for every couple.” I don’t know about required, but it’s certainly available for every couple and I can’t imagine why two people who love one another wouldn’t want what Hold Me Tight®️ has to offer.

In so many ways, life is a “no risk, no reward” proposition. You get out what you put in. And Hold Me Tight®️ is “low risk and high reward.” But, don’t take my word for it. Your relationship is priceless to you. It literally impacts every facet of your life. Give it your best and let Hold Me Tight®️ help.

Check out all the details at the home page on this website and plan to join us in beautiful Orlando this November. We’d love to have you!

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The Oil in the Engine

mbecklpc@gmail.com (Mark Beck) — Wed, 07 Aug 2024 11:21:44 GMT

The Oil in the Engine

A healthy relationship is like a fine tuned machine. It has many moving parts and it’s a marvel. But, like oil in an engine, one thing makes a relationship run smoothly. It’s a special skill that healthy couples use every day. Without it, things eventually grind to a halt. The word is empathy.

Empathy is Key

Empathy keeps your relationship humming. It reduces wear and tear and keeps friction at a minimum. Empathy is absolutely crucial. You can learn every relationship skill, strategy and secret, you can be an expert, a verbal ninja, but without empathy, none of it will work.

Though powerful, empathy is really very simple. Empathy is the ability to put yourself in your partner's shoes. It's seeing things from your partner's perspective. Empathy isn’t about agreeing or giving in. Indeed, agreement is highly overrated. With empathy, if necessary, you can "agree to disagree." You can accept and respect your partner. When you do that (and when your partner does it for you) you both “let each other in.” Empathy creates safety and nothing good happens until partners feel safe with one another.

Simple, but not Easy

Empathy is simple, but not always easy. It’s an exercise in vulnerability. It requires you to lay down your arms and stand beside your partner, not against them. It involves learning what you didn’t know or seeing what you might have missed. You may find that your partner has a valid point as well. But, again, who’s right or wrong is not the point. It’s about understanding. And we’ve learned that people calm down when they feel understood, when they feel heard…when they “feel felt.” Intractable problems aren’t so intractable with empathy.

So, try it. Put yourself in your partner's shoes. Imagine what life is like for him or her. What would you see or do differently if you tried your partner's point of view? What would it be like to be your spouse? What would you have to tolerate or endure? Would you want to be married to you? Try a little empathy. Put yourself in your partner's shoes. Imagine how your perspective (and your relationship) might change.

Empathy and Hold Me Tight®️

Empathy is just one of the skills we learn and practice at a Hold Me Tight®️ couples weekend retreat in Orlando. A Hold Me Tight®️ retreat is a great place for couples to connect deeply and learn the power of empathy and vulnerability. In just two days, couples can break patterns of conflict and discord that may have lasted for years. They can learn to have conversations, not confrontations. You and your partner can create that safe space between you that all couples crave.

Hold Me Tight®️ is rooted in attachment science and the tenets of Emotionally Focused Therapy. But Hold Me Tight®️ is not therapy. It’s a low key, fun group experience where you’ll meet other couples like you. You go at your own pace. No one is put on the spot. And you will leave with a road map for connection that can change your relationship for good. It’s amazing what two transformational days can do.

Check out all the details at www.couplesworkshopsofflorida.com. Our next retreat is August 9 & 10. Don’t wait. Get in on Hold Me Tight®️today!

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Proof of Life

mbecklpc@gmail.com (Mark Beck) — Tue, 23 Jul 2024 14:07:57 GMT

What are the signs of a healthy relationship?

In last week’s blog, we talked about relationship warning signs, things to catch before our relationship breaks down. It’s important to know what to look for and correct. But, beyond what you might try to prevent, what do you want your relationship to be? What are you aiming for as a couple? What does a healthy connection look like? Let’s talk about “proof of life” in your relationship.

No two couples are the same, but all steady, sturdy couples have some things in common. Let’s make a short list. Several of the following points are courtesy of Dr. John Gottman and his research.

Friendship and Appreciation

First and foremost, go figure, healthy couples like one another. They are best friends. They share an abiding fondness and appreciation for one another. Great couples fall in like before they fall in love. They enjoy being around each other. Mind you, they aren’t “joined at the hip.” They don’t need to be with each other all day or every day. But they are one another’s biggest fan. They see and say the good in each other. They encourage and build one another up. Gratitude, courtesy, kind words and deeds, admiration, going the extra mile for each other: these are all evidence of friendship and appreciation that make love last.

Managing Conflict

Healthy couples also know how to manage their conflict—key word: manage. I didn’t say they resolve their conflict. They manage it. That’s because conflict is inevitable and some conflict is unresolvable. John Gottman posits that two thirds of the issues over which couples disagree are what he calls “perpetual problems.” They are matters of taste and opinion, personality and preference…issues on which couples may never agree and don’t have to.

Healthy couples don’t need to resolve every disagreement. Instead, they can respect their differences and maintain a dialogue. They don’t attack. They don’t belittle. They don’t have to win. They can compromise or just agree to disagree. They are willing to hear each other’s point of view and give it credence. Both feel heard, even—especially—when they disagree or don’t get their way.

Healing and Forgiveness

The positivity that comes from friendship and appreciation and from managing conflict well lays the groundwork for healing and forgiveness when one partner hurts the other. I said “when,” not “if.” It’s inevitable. Forgiveness is a crucial skill, even if it isn’t needed often. Healthy couples work hard to heal hurts and do not let them fester.

Intimacy

Thus, healthy couples value their intimacy and place a high priority on it. And, for the record, intimacy is far more than sex. Sex certainly has its place in a healthy relationship. But, intimacy is much more than that. It’s vulnerability and empathy. It’s deep trust and connection. It’s letting your partner in, sharing fears, uncertainties, needs and longings.

Yes, that stuff is risky. But, hey, love is a risk. And, no risk, no reward.

So, there is a short list of what love looks like. It’s friendship and appreciation. It’s managing conflict with respect and compassion. It’s forgiveness when we hurt the one we love. It’s intimacy, vulnerability, empathy, opening up and stepping up for each other. These are the foundation for trust and commitment that can last a lifetime. They are “proof of life” in a thriving relationship.

Hold Me Tight Can Help

And nobody said these things come easily. Indeed, all couples need a little help now and then. There’s no shame in that. And a Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat is a great place to get that help. Hold Me Tight®️ is a chance to learn the lessons of love that attachment science has taught us…and learn with other couples in the same boat. Hold Me Tight®️ is not therapy. It’s a hands on experience where each couple goes (and grows) at their own pace: no pressure, no one is put on the spot. It’s safe, low key and just might change your relationship forever.

Come to beautiful Orlando, FL and see what Hold Me Tight®️ can do for you! Our next couples retreat is just a few weeks away. All the details are at www.couplesworkshopsofflorida.com.

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Heed the Warning Signs

mbecklpc@gmail.com (Mark Beck) — Thu, 18 Jul 2024 15:02:11 GMT

Know the Signs of Relationship Distress

In a previous career, I was an over the road truck driver. I covered a lot of miles, coast to coast and one of my biggest fears was breaking down somewhere far from home and far from help (and this was before the days of cell phones and GPS). Even now, in the family car, that’s the last thing I’d want to happen on the highway. But, I’ve learned that cars (and other machines) very seldom just fail catastrophically without warning. Far more often, a car will tell you something is wrong, usually long before it leaves you stranded. A noise, a vibration, a smell or even a warning light are usually precursors to a breakdown. Alert, astute drivers can usually catch the problem early. And, with proper maintenance (oil changes, tune ups, etc.) they can even avoid many problems altogether. Breakdowns are more often a matter of poor upkeep than abuse or mistreatment.

Couples Need Maintenance Too

Relationships are much the same. Relationships like marriage are built for the long run, built to last a lifetime. But, they require upkeep, regular attention and loving care. If you ignore “marriage maintenance,” eventually, signs of trouble will pop up…usually long before a catastrophic failure. As a marriage therapist, too often, by the time I see a couple, they’ve long ignored (or never even noticed) telltale warning signs.

So, what are some of those relationship warning signs?

Here are just a few. This list is not exhaustive, but be advised: don’t ignore them.

A Few Warning Signs

When friendship and playfulness in your relationship wear thin, pay attention. No relationship is fun all the time, but healthy couples are best friends. Laughter, fun and friendship should outweigh negativity—John Gottman says, by at least a 5:1 ratio—five times more positive than negative.

Criticism and blame are warning signs. Fault finding conversations quickly become confrontations that produce resentment and hurt. Couples that snipe, pick and “see the glass half empty” are in for long term trouble.

On the other hand, isolating, shutting down, disengaging and “stonewalling” are also danger signs. Couples who do that aren’t keeping the peace; they are pulling apart and they will eventually realize they don’t even know one another.

When your relationship becomes “transactional,” if you tend to keep score, trouble is brewing. Likewise, if you view even the neutral things your partner says or does in a negative light, that too is a warning sign.

Maybe you see one of more of those warning signs in your relationship. If so, don’t despair. Don’t throw in the towel. Your love isn’t doomed. You just need to change some things—and sooner is better than later.

Good Help is Close at Hand

That’s where Hold Me Tight®️ comes in. Hold Me Tight®️ is a great step in the right direction, whether you’re just beginning to see warning signs or your relationship is in real trouble. At Hold Me Tight®️ you’ll meet other couples facing the same hurdles and struggling with many of the same issues. You’ll find that you aren’t alone and you’ll learn to make sense of what so often doesn’t in love.

Hold Me Tight®️ is not therapy. It’s learning and practicing new ways of connecting with your partner. It’s about changing the old patterns that lead to trouble over the long run. After just two days together with your partner, you will leave with new skills and a new direction to help you last for the long run in love.

Our next Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat in Orlando is next month. Check out our website for all the details.

So, watch for warning signs. And, if you’re wondering, what about the signs of a healthy relationship? What is proof of life in love? I’m glad you asked…that’ll be our next blog!

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Creating Teamwork

mbecklpc@gmail.com (Mark Beck) — Mon, 08 Jul 2024 20:38:39 GMT

A Healthy Relationship Takes Teamwork

America is obsessed with sports: football, basketball, baseball, soccer. And while not all sports are team sports, many of our favorites are. Team sports teach us that no one can win all by themself. It takes cooperation and sacrifice for the good of all. Each teammate's commitment to show up and give their best can make the group better than any one individual.

And teams don’t just succeed in sports. Humans are social beings. We have learned since prehistoric times that our survival and success best happens through and most depends on cooperation and connection. Armies, businesses, churches, political parties, to name a few, all depend on teamwork.

To quote a popular song title, “We’re better together.”

Relationships Take Teamwork

It’s also true in relationships. Humans from cradle to coffin are hard wired for connection, for interdependency, the comfort that comes with knowing that a partner will show up for you and needs you to show up for them. These are all tenets of a fast growing field we call Attachment Science. From it, we’ve learned the power of emotions in relationships. Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy has helped us make sense of what so often doesn’t. Why do couples get stuck in endless cycles of conflict and distress? Why can’t we “get through” to the one we love most? What pulls us apart and leaves us so distant? And most of all, how do we change it?

Answering the Hard Questions

These are just some of the questions we ask (and answer) in a Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat. Hold Me Tight®️ is two days of learning together about attachment and the things all couples have in common. We learn that love actually does make sense and we learn that, yes, couples can create connection, even if it seems long gone.

If you and your partner feel far apart, know that you aren’t alone. Disconnection happens far more than you think. And there is a way out! Come to Hold Me Tight®️ and see your relationship through an “attachment lens.” Learn that those conflict cycles can be broken. Learn that more is going on than meets the eye. Learn to create safety with your partner. Become a team again and do more together than you ever could apart.

Hold Me Tight is not Therapy

Although Hold Me Tight®️ has its roots in Emotionally Focused Therapy, Hold Me Tight®️ isn’t therapy. It’s a low key weekend of learning and doing. Each couple goes at their own pace. No one is put on the spot. We take time for private exercises and conversations that will build your confidence. In other words, you won’t just learn about changing your relationship. You will do it…in real time…while others do the same.

Hold Me Tight®️ is a safe space. Vicki and I have been doing these retreats for over five years now. You will get out of it what you put into it, but we’ve seen amazing results in the span of just two days. Hold Me Tight®️ is a low risk/high return proposition. Come to Orlando. Enjoy the sun and give your relationship a “teamwork reboot” that could be a forever change. Our next workshop is in August. All the details are on this website.

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Baking a Better Cake

mbecklpc@gmail.com (Mark Beck) — Mon, 01 Jul 2024 19:41:57 GMT

The Perfect Recipe for Love

What ingredients do you need to bake a cake? Eggs, milk, flour, sugar, a few other things. But, merely having the ingredients doesn’t mean your cake will turn out well. You need a recipe. You need to know how much of each, when to add what, how long to bake it and so on. In other words, it takes more than ingredients.

Healthy relationships are much the same. Love is the key ingredient, but love isn’t enough, even though it might seem that way at the start. Countless couples fall head over heels for each other, convinced that they’ve found “the one,” and sooner or later, they find that something’s missing. Truly, love isn’t enough.

Two Indispensable Ingredients

Indeed, two other elements are indispensable to a healthy relationship. Without these two, the “cake” will inevitably collapse. Those two ingredients are vulnerability and empathy. Couples in love open up to one another. They share parts of themselves that they show no one else. They let one another in. That’s vulnerability. And they do it when their partner understands, listens, doesn’t judge or blame. And that’s empathy. It takes both: vulnerability and empathy. Each makes the other possible and both together will heal and grow any relationship. Vulnerability and empathy say, “I am there for you. I will open up to you and I’ll be there when you open up to me. You are safe with me.”

Creating a Safe Connection

In a healthy relationship, safety is absolutely crucial. When we feel safe, we relax and thrive. That’s how we fall in love. It’s how we stay in love. Emotionally, we become our best self when we feel safe with our partner. We even do better physically. Our health is better. Our longevity is longer. Our resistance is stronger. Safe connection is our happy place.

And, on the other hand, when a couple is struggling, when conflict has become combat, emotional safety is long gone. Protections go up, often thick walls of silence or severity. No one wants to open up; empathy is seldom seen.

Putting it all Together

Without a doubt, vulnerability and empathy are key ingredients in the relationship recipe. But, how do you blend those together with love? What does it look like? How do vulnerability and empathy combine to create something beautiful?

I’m glad you asked.

It Happens at Hold Me Tight

That’s what a Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat is all about. Just as baking is an acquired skill that takes time and practice to master, relationships are much the same. As much as we’d like it to be true, the Beatles were wrong when they sang, “All You Need is Love.” We must learn to connect: learn to be vulnerable and empathize. Come and spend two days near beautiful Orlando, FL learning what loving couples the world over have learned. Hold Me Tight®️ is grounded in long term research, attachment science and the tenets of Emotionally Focused Therapy. (In other words, it isn’t pop psychology or pseudo-science.) You will spend two days with other couples gaining new understanding and the confidence that you can follow your “relationship recipe” and create something more beautiful and delicious than you ever imagined.

Whether your relationship has collapsed or you just want to take your recipe from good to great, Hold Me Tight®️ can make all the difference.

Learn more at www.couplesworkshopsofflorida.com . Get in on our next event in August. It’s just a few weeks away. Space is limited. Don’t miss out!

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Changing the Conversation

mbecklpc@gmail.com (Mark Beck) — Mon, 03 Jun 2024 15:31:01 GMT

Changing the Conversation

Human beings are creatures of habit. We tend to repeat familiar patterns. It conserves mental energy, which is what our brains are built to do. But, familiar is not necessarily best. For example, have you noticed that you and your partner tend to have the same, familiar arguments? No matter the topic, we tend to conflict in the same patterns. Very often, one partner speaks up—or pursues the matter, trying to get it resolved. The other withdraws—or tries to avoid or minimize it to keep the peace. No matter the topic, it’s usually the same pattern. We’re used to it. It’s familiar. We gravitate toward familiar. But not only does it seldom work; it usually leads to greater conflict.

Stuck in Negative Patterns

Yet, couples often stay stuck in these patterns, not knowing how to change it; they keep doing the same thing. “Once more with feeling.” “If I just say it louder or longer, maybe he (or she) will finally hear me.” Or, “If I just don’t argue, maybe he (or she) will lay down their arms and we can have peace.”

But that seldom happens. The conversations only become confrontations and the list of “no talk” topics grows. So does the distance between partners. It may indeed be the definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

Conflict Is Not the Problem

It doesn’t have to be that way. Conflict is not pleasant, but it is inevitable. No couple agrees on everything—and they wouldn’t want to! And conflict is not the problem. It’s conflict that escalates and becomes toxic. So, it’s not conflict, it’s how we manage it. It’s the patterns we fall into, patterns with good intentions (we want to connect, to resolve problems) but bad results (we only end up distant and disconnected).

So, if A + B = C and you don’t like C, you have to change A or B. If conversations only become confrontations, it’s time to change the conversations.

Change the Conversation

How do we do that? How can we slant the playing field in your favor for you and your partner? Here are a few simple moves that can make a big difference.

Start gently. The first 30 seconds of a conversation set the tone. How you start is crucial. If you start with irritation or anger, chances are, you’ll soon be in an argument. Start gently. Put your partner at ease. “Let’s work on a solution to something that’s been on my mind.” Find something to affirm or appreciate about your relationship. Starting positively can make a world of difference.
Avoid blame. Avoid criticism. Avoid fault finding that often comes with global language: “Why do you always…?” or “You never….” Blame is a kind of attack and almost always puts your partner on the defensive. When the attack/defend dance starts, it’s very hard to stop and it never goes well. That doesn’t mean you can’t have complaints. The trick is to complain without blame. And how do you do that?
Try sticking to your experience, not your opinion. It’s one thing to say, “I miss our time together.” It’s quite another to say, “You never spend any time with me.” One tells your experience. The other is an attack…blame…that will likely get pushback and off you go on another argument.
Focus on what you want, not what you dislike. In every complaint, there is a wish, a desire that you can state clearly. Rather than as above, “You never spend any time with me,” try, “I’d like for us to go out Friday or Saturday night. I’d love to be with you.”
And last (for now), use “we” language. “We are in a funk. I don’t like the arguments that we get stuck in. I hope we can change it.” That’s infinitely better than pointing out your partner's wrong moves. Patterns, good or bad require both partners. Both partners start them and both can change them. So, use we language to team up.

Dr. John Gottman says that in every argument, there is a conversation the couple could have had, should have had that could bring them closer. The trick is to change the conversation.

Hold Me Tight Can Help!

These are some of what we learn together in our Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreats in Orlando. Hold Me Tight®️ is two days together with other couples learning how to change the conversations that matter. We learn from one another. We also learn from the years of research and results surrounding Emotionally Focused Therapy. The workshop is not therapy; it’s helping you and your partner break patterns that don’t work and only lead to worse. Whether your relationship is truly struggling or you just want to go from good to great, Hold Me Tight®️ is a great place to start.

Our next retreat is in August. But the time to get in on it is now. All the details are on this website. Come join us in Orlando.

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Finding Happiness

mbecklpc@gmail.com (Mark Beck) — Tue, 21 May 2024 12:29:11 GMT

Finding Happiness

Dr. Martin Seligman is considered the father of “Positive Psychology,” the fascinating study of what makes people happy and whole (over against traditional psychology, which has focused by and large on dysfunction, disorders and the many ways people struggle). Seligman says there are different types of happiness. For example, the simplest is pleasure seeking. We all like to feel good: physically, emotionally. Whether it’s sex, good music, food or fun, pleasures help us relax and enjoy the moments.

And while these “cotton candy” experiences are pleasant, they aren’t enough. Cotton candy is good, but it doesn’t last and it doesn’t fill you up. Sadly, this is where many of us live: chasing pleasure, fun, feeling good…from one carnival ride to the next, never knowing there’s more to life.

More Than Pleasure Seeking

There is a deeper kind of happiness. It’s less about pleasure and more about fulfillment, less about feeling good and more about feeling satisfied, satisfied because you’ve devoted yourself to a goal and attained it. You’ve sacrificed and delayed the pleasure of the moment for what you must earn with time and hard work. This kind of happiness might even involve pain for a time enroute to a greater good.

If you’ve ever run a 5K or climbed a mountain (and mountains come in all shapes and sizes), you know what I’m talking about. If you’ve ever earned a degree or taken a second job to pay for your kids’ education, you don’t do those things because getting up early and staying late is fun or feels good. You do them because persistence pays and real success is less about winning and more about staying, overcoming and doing the hard thing because it pays off. Only those who pay that price feel the ecstasy and exhilaration of crossing the finish line and knowing that it was not easy, but it was worth it.

Happiness That's Worth the Work

This happiness lasts beyond the mere moment. It gives life deeper meaning.

I see this all the time in committed relationships like marriage. Too many couples are stuck in pleasure seeking, emotional thrill seeking, thinking they should always be infatuated and “head over heels” with one another. These “cotton candy couples” sooner rather than later get bored with one another and decide that they’ve “lost that loving feeling.” And many simply believe that they must not be right for one another. They decide that they made a mistake, they aren't a good fit. Then, they make another mistake and, rather than calling a therapist, they call a lawyer.

Love Isn't Always Easy

Most couples know that love isn’t always easy. But, too many tap out when it gets hard and never learn that the far deeper reward in love comes through the struggle, the pulling (pulling together, not against) for the same goals: connection, closeness, harmony and wholeness. Sometimes, it’s very hard. Sometimes, it’s painful. But, for most couples who stick with it, at the end of the day, it wasn’t easy, but it was worth it.

Maybe your relationship is struggling; maybe it’s hard work. The climb is steep; you are exhausted and it’s neither fun nor pleasant. Don’t throw in the towel. Remember that today is not forever. Often, success over failure just lies in not quitting. Real reward awaits those who stay, who persist, who put in the long run work that pays off in time.

Good Help Makes a Difference

And good help can make the climb easier. A Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat can be that help. In two days together with other couples, you can begin to understand your relationship like never before. You can learn how you conflict and why. You can learn what lies beneath the cycles of discord and disconnection. You can learn what each of you needs and deeply desires in your heart—and how to give it.

The best relationships are not those that never struggle. They are the ones who stay, even when they struggle and make it safely to the top.

Commit to the climb. Come join others on the same journey at our next Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat in Orlando. Make your plans for August now. You’ll be glad you did.

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Getting Good Help

mbecklpc@gmail.com (Mark Beck) — Tue, 07 May 2024 00:54:06 GMT

Getting Help Makes Good Sense

Last night, in the kitchen, I opened the cabinet under the sink to find everything wet. A water line had sprung a slow drip, drip, drip leak and I had a mess on my hands. Now, I can do simple repairs around the house. I repaired our toilet yesterday. I installed a ceiling fan recently. But, plumbing is above my pay grade.

So, I had three options. First, I could ignore the problem. It was a slow leak. I could just put a bucket under it and empty it every few days, or just keep wiping up the puddle. Maybe, magically, it would just fix itself. Not likely…and the problem would certainly, eventually get worse.

Second, I could try to fix it myself. I considered that for maybe a half a second. Bad idea. As I said, plumbing is not my specialty. I know just enough about faucets and pipes to be dangerous. That leaky pipe is corroded. One wrong move and the minor leak could become a minor flood. A great movie line says, “A man’s got to know his limitations.” Plumbing is one of mine. Fixing the leak myself is not an option.

My third option then is the best, and really the only reasonable one: call a plumber. A plumber has forgotten more than I’ll ever know about leaky pipes. Their experience and expertise will keep a small problem small. What would be insurmountable for me is a quick fix for a trained plumber.

So, as I write this, I’m waiting for the plumber. That is, in fact, what most people would do. It makes sense, whether it’s plumbing, auto mechanics, lawn care, even medical care. Most people are smart enough to get skilled help for things they’re not equipped or experienced to do themselves.

So, if that is common practice for most people, why then, why is that not the case when it comes to relationships?

Why do so many couples struggle with conflict, disconnection, hurt or betrayal and insist on either ignoring the problem as it only gets worse, or trying to fix it on their own?

Relationship problems ignored only get more entrenched and intractable. They seldom, if ever, fix themselves. And trying to fix those problems on our own often only makes matters worse. For too many couples, the thought of getting help is proof that they’ve failed or they’re foolish. So they labor on alone, embarrassed to reach out and slowly losing hope.

Trust me, the only failure is in knowing that help is out there but not getting it.

And help is indeed out there. Hold Me Tight®️ is reliable, time tested, solid help for any relationship, whether you’re in deep distress or you just want to make a good relationship better. A Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat can simplify complex problems and patterns and help you make sense of what often makes no sense when you and your partner conflict. At Hold Me Tight®️, you’ll learn from experienced professionals who have helped hundreds of other couples tackle issues that all couples face. You don’t have to fix it on your own anymore.

Don’t ignore messy relationship problems that will only get worse. And don’t struggle along trying to fix them on your own. If you keep doing what you’ve done, you’ll keep getting what you’ve gotten. That’s why many couples throw in the towel, all for lack of help that is as close as this website!

Our next Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat is August 9 & 10. Help is at your fingertips. Be smart. Sign up today!

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Maintenance Matters

mbecklpc@gmail.com (Mark Beck) — Mon, 22 Apr 2024 20:25:27 GMT

This is a subtitle for your new post

Most cars today have maintenance reminders that tell you when you need to change your oil or rotate your tires, for instance. A little light on the dashboard will often tell you. (You may not know that auto mechanics call them “idiot lights.” I’m sure you can figure out why.) Anyway, the car will remind you; but, it’s up to you to get the work done and keep things running smoothly.

I’m guilty of sometimes waiting longer than I should to change my oil or rotate my tires…even as I know it’s very important. A car is a major investment and well worth taking care of.

Relationships Need Maintenance Too

What if we had a relationship maintenance reminder? What if a light on your partner’s forehead would blink regularly to remind you to pay attention, to keep in touch, to express your feelings and attend to theirs? Every relationship needs regular maintenance: tune ups, checking in with one another, keeping things running smoothly. And, although there are no flashing lights, if we pay attention, warning signs are not hard to recognize.

Recurring conflict, conversations that become confrontations, distance and disconnection between you and the one you love: all of these and more are signs that the relationship needs attention. And sadly, too many couples ignore the signs, hoping things will just get better on their own. In fact, renowned relationship researchers John and Julie Gottman report that the average couple waits and procrastinates as long as six years knowing that something is wrong before they get help for their problems.

Six years! What if you waited six years to change the oil in your car? That would be insane. You’d be buying cars more frequently than changing your oil, that’s for sure. What a waste. And yet, a relationship that could and should last a lifetime is worth far more than any car.

There’s No Time Like the Present

Here’s great news: a Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat is great relationship maintenance. If you and your partner find yourselves farther apart than you want to be, if conflict just keeps tripping you up—you’re having the same arguments over and over (different topic, same pattern), if you are worried that you are losing the love that you were once sure would last a lifetime—consider those warning signs. Or maybe you just want to keep your very valuable relationship in tip top shape. Either way, Hold Me Tight®️ is just for you.

Hold Me Tight®️ is a two day couples retreat near beautiful Orlando, FL. Together with other couples, you will learn from attachment science and the tenets of Emotionally Focused Therapy in a low key, casual setting: no confrontation, no one gets put on the spot. Couples find that they have much in common with others and we all learn together.

A Little Tune Up Makes a Big Difference

And, in just two days, couples begin to understand what so often makes no sense in the heat of conflict—and they learn to connect more deeply and in ways they never knew they could. Hold Me Tight®️ can be nothing short of transformational.

And, here’s the best news of all—you can do that relationship maintenance this week . That’s right, our next Hold Me Tight®️ retreat is this Friday and Saturday, April 26 & 27 . See our home page for all the details.

With machines…and certainly with love, maintenance matters. Here’s your chance. Give your relationship the loving care it deserves.

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Solution Focused Couples

mbecklpc@gmail.com (Mark Beck) — Thu, 11 Apr 2024 19:03:38 GMT

Solution Focused Couples

In his book entitled “Do One Thing Different,” author Bill O’ Hanlon teaches solution focused skills that seem simple, but can be life changing. Solution focused skills work in all types of settings, especially marriage. To be solution focused is just what the term implies—it’s focusing on what works, not what doesn’t, focusing on strengths rather than weaknesses.

Two Solution Focused Rules

For example, two cardinal rules are always true.

First, you see what you look for. When a relationship is in trouble, partners overwhelmingly see the negative in the other. And, when you see negative, it’s hard to see anything else. If you believe your partner is selfish or uncaring, you will find evidence to prove your case—and NOTHING your partner does to the contrary will dissuade you. You see what you look for.

AND…the second truth then is: what you focus on, you magnify. The more faults and failures you find in your partner, the more prominent and pervasive they seem. Again, you miss anything otherwise. The bad drowns out anything good. And if you do see something good, you discount it. What you focus on, you magnify. This destructive pattern can do great damage and be very hard to break.

Change Your Viewing, Change Your Doing

Solution focused skills help you to change your “viewing,” then change your “doing.” To change your viewing is to change how you see your partner and your relationship. And, how you see a situation determines how you act in it. Changing your viewing will change your doing.

This is some of what we do in a Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat. Hold Me Tight®️ is a two day group experience of learning and doing, all rooted in science and research, attachment science. Couples learn why and how they struggle. (And for the record, the problem is NOT your partner.) In the heat of the moment, conflict can be confusing and confounding. Battles seem to pop up with no warning and no brakes. They run away with us and leave us feeling alone, discouraged and seeing only the negative.

Make Sense of What Doesn’t

But, believe it or not, conflict need not be so confusing. It really does make sense. There is real logic to what happens when we focus on (and magnify) the negative in our relationship. And what we can understand, we can change.

Hold Me Tight®️ helps us change our viewing. We begin to see our relationship not as a lost cause and our partner not as an adversary, but as someone who wants and needs just what we do: safety and connection. It’s just that we often go about trying to get those things very differently.

And, once we see our relationship and our partner differently, we can change our doing. We can change our destructive patterns, whether we pursue our partner or pull away in the heat of the moment. We can learn instead to “turn toward” our partner, reassure and comfort rather than keep spinning around and around in chaos.

Hold Me Tight Gets It Done

Hold Me Tight®️ has some of the best results in the business. Couples routinely say they changed in just two days in ways they never thought they could. Whether your relationship is in real distress or you just want to make a good thing better, Hold Me Tight®️ is a great place to start. Our next workshop is just around the corner. Get in on it today!

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More Than Meets the Eye

mbecklpc@gmail.com (Mark Beck) — Thu, 11 Apr 2024 18:53:33 GMT

What's Happening Below the Surface?

This week marks the 112th anniversary of the Titanic disaster. The ship they called “unsinkable” proved otherwise when she struck an iceberg in the North Atlantic on April 15, 1912. Among many other lessons, we learned that night that the lion’s share of an iceberg’s mass and force lies beneath the waterline: unseen, hidden, but very present. Much more is there than meets the eye. Indeed, less than twenty percent of an iceberg is visible above the ocean’s surface. The part you can’t see constitutes the real danger.

More Than Meets the Eye

That’s actually a great metaphor for relationships in distress. Couple conflict is always possible, but never pleasant. Most couples have familiar, predictable patterns for managing their distress. One partner might turn up their energy and try to “get through” to the other. They might get critical or assertive. They might press for answers or information in hopes of reconnecting. The other partner, perhaps feeling attacked or blamed, might pull away or shut down, hoping to keep the peace. The more one partner “pursues,” the more the other “withdraws.” The more one withdraws, the more the other pursues. This self-sustaining cycle only perpetuates the disconnection. Each partner is convinced that the other is not there for them, perhaps doesn’t love them or doesn’t want to be with them. This cycle can go on almost indefinitely. It’s painful and many couples eventually lose hope and give up.

But, in cycles like that, just as with icebergs, much more is there than meets the eye. A great deal is happening beneath the surface—for each partner—that seldom gets spoken or acknowledged. Each partner has an inner experience that they likely don’t show (and may not even know) unless or until they slow down and look under the waterline.

Vulnerable and Valuable

Partners may see anger or indifference, rage or retreat on the surface in the heat of their conflict. But they may not realize that underneath are other powerful emotions: fear, sadness, shame and so on that they seldom recognize, much less verbalize. These are vulnerable emotions, not easy to show or share. They are vulnerable, but they are also valuable. Just like an iceberg, these “underneath” emotions are the force and power of any relationship conflict. They are also where couples heal. Unless or until couples get “under the waterline” with one another, they will struggle and likely never really connect deeply.

But, deep connection is where relationships thrive. All humans seek a safe, lifelong emotional connection. We crave connection from cradle to coffin. We were born to bond.

Lessons of Attachment

These are lessons learned from decades of research in attachment science. This and much more is what you and your partner will get at a Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat. You’ll learn to recognize and make sense of your conflict cycle. You will learn how good intentions often bring bad results when trying to manage that conflict. And you will learn what’s beneath your waterline and how to share it with your partner.

Hold Me Tight®️ is two days of insight and interaction that can truly transform your relationship. Hold Me Tight®️ has given countless couples hope and confidence that they never knew they could find. So, whether you’ve been together for a few months or many years, whether you are truly struggling or you just want to make a good relationship better, Hold Me Tight®️ is for you. Give your connection the boost it truly needs. Get in on our next Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat in Florida. It’s just a few weeks away. Don’t miss out!

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What Makes Love Last

mbecklpc@gmail.com (Mark Beck) — Mon, 01 Apr 2024 12:34:58 GMT

What Makes Love Last?

What makes relationships last? Those couples in their twilight years, still together, still holding hands, still in love—we love to see those couples. And we’d love to be one of those couples. But, they are definitely a minority. Fewer than five percent of couples last fifty years. For that matter, only 40 percent make it 25 years. And, while longevity is definitely not proof of a happy couple, it’s still a good question: what does it take for love to last?

Three Ingredients

Renowned relationship researchers Drs. John and Julie Gottman talk about three main areas that healthy couples have in common. First, they share an overall fondness and appreciation for one another. In short, they like each other. They are best friends. They speak much more positively than negatively (at least a 5:1 ratio, in fact). They see and say what they admire and enjoy in and with one another.

Second, they manage conflict well. The word is manage, not resolve or avoid. That is to say, conflict is inevitable (and can even be constructive). And Gottman contends that solving or resolving every conflict is neither necessary nor possible. Indeed, about two thirds of what couples disagree on—they’ll never agree on. These are matters of taste and preference, personality and opinion…what Gottman calls “perpetual problems.” So, the issue is not conflict; it’s how couples manage it. And the damage happens when conflict escalates and becomes hurtful and personal. Sadly, it often does. Couples who manage conflict well know how to maintain a dialogue rather than insisting on winning or getting their way. They can agree to disagree and can respect their partner’s different viewpoint. Thus, conflict seldom becomes combat.

And third, healthy long term couples have what Gottman calls a sense of “shared meaning.” That is, they value the uniqueness of their relationship. Every couple has its own culture that sets them apart, be it in their roles, their goals, their special ways of doing life. Healthy couples have a sense of direction, purpose and vision. “They know where they’re going in life” and they’re committed to the journey.

So, friendship and appreciation, managing conflict and a sense of shared meaning are Gottman’s Big Three for making love last. Within those are all the other classic skills: forgiveness, communication, trust, commitment, respect, intimacy.

Going Deeper

But, as important as all those truly are, something deeper lies beneath long term love. Without it, couples often sense that something important is still missing between them, although they can’t quite put a finger on it. There is a deeper level of emotion. It’s about fear, uncertainty, a longing for connection that many couples don’t know how to reach. They may not even know it’s there. Getting to it requires vulnerability and empathy. It requires the safety of knowing that your partner is there for you.

And that is where couples go in a Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat. Hold Me Tight®️ goes where other couples workshops don’t. Hold Me Tight®️ is a deep dive into what really makes love last for the long run.

When I say, “Deep dive,” don’t panic; don’t click to another page. Hold Me Tight®️ is safe and simple. It isn’t therapy. No one gets put on the spot or confronted. Couples go at their own pace and learn the eye opening lessons of attachment. They learn what all couples need and seek for a lifetime of love, but too often just don’t know how to find. Hold Me Tight®️ is rooted in solid research and has the best results in the business. Couples consistently report that at Hold Me Tight®️, they learned to connect in ways they never knew how or knew that they could. They leave confident and capable that they can last.

Learn the Lessons of Love

Life has no guarantees (nor do couples retreats), but a Florida Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat can slant the playing field in your favor and greatly increase the chances for longevity in your love. Thousands of other couples have learned how at Hold Me Tight®️. Florida is beautiful in the springtime. Spend a couple of days with the one you love and give your relationship a gift that will last a lifetime. Our next workshop is just a few weeks away.

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Stay or Go?

mbecklpc@gmail.com (Mark Beck) — Sun, 24 Mar 2024 11:57:34 GMT

Should I Stay or Go?

Should I stay or should I go? It’s one of those ultimate questions when a couple is in distress. When is it time to end a relationship? It’s a painful question and a consequential answer…far too complex to commit to a checklist of pros and cons. So many factors to consider: children, finances, past transgressions, future plans, dreams attained and dreams still to be. No two situations are the same and every couple must decide for themselves.

Grounds for Marriage

But, that said, a few things are true. Certainly, no relationship is perfect; all relationships wax and wane. Some seasons are better than others and, if we only plan to stay while the sun is shining, we are in for a rough ride. Someone said, “Every marriage has grounds for divorce. The trick is to find grounds for marriage.” And here’s the good news: generally speaking, research suggests that most couples who choose to stick it out, to stay together through the hard times, say that they are glad they did when they look back on it years later.

But, what does staying together mean?

Many couples just hunker down and tough it out. They close their eyes to their problems and think, “Maybe if we just don’t leave, we can survive.” So, they stay. But, they don’t enjoy their marriage; they endure it. They just tolerate one another, living in “neutral corners.” Life becomes an uneasy truce, if not a Cold War. That’s a marriage in name only. And bad things often develop in that setting: affairs, addictions, diversions of all kinds, virtual parallel lives where couples realize they’ve ended the marriage, but just never divorced.

We’d all agree that that isn’t healthy.

Find Your Connection

So, how do we find our way back to love? How do we find grounds for marriage? When we decide, “We’re in it for keeps, even though it’s tough,” how do we make it worthwhile?

That’s what a Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat will teach you. Couples that thrive, not just survive, understand that the key to a lifelong, resilient relationship is connection—safe emotional connection where each partner knows that their partner is there for them. Each partner feels heard, seen, valued, visible. With that kind of connection, we will still face hard times, but we face them together. Knowing we’re not alone, that someone precious is in our corner gives hope and confidence that our relationship is worth the work.

The Science of Attachment

These are the lessons that attachment science has taught us. Hold Me Tight®️ is rooted in that science. Hold Me Tight®️ will teach you what all humans need and seek, what really makes relationships tick. Wouldn’t you love to understand better those conflict patterns that so often and so quickly escalate and leave you and the one you love alone and hurting? Wouldn’t you love to make sense of what so often doesn’t when you feel distant and disconnected? You can! You can actually have conversations, not confrontations, that will actually bring you closer, not cut you off.

Couples who learn the lesson of Hold Me Tight®️ have a roadmap that will help guide them through the tough times so that, years down the road, they won’t just be together, they’ll be closer…and glad they stayed. That can be you. Every couple wants that. Be one of the couples who learn how!

Our next Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat is next month. Make your plans now to join us outside Orlando. Florida is beautiful in April!

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What Do We Do with Conflict?

mbecklpc@gmail.com (Mark Beck) — Mon, 18 Mar 2024 18:56:39 GMT

What Do We Do With Conflict?

What is a sign of trouble in a relationship? Lots of people might say conflict is a red flag. But that’s not necessarily so. Conflict is fairly inevitable. No two people can agree on everything all the time. Indeed, who would want to? Conflict isn’t the problem. It’s conflict that escalates. It’s conflict that becomes combat, conversations that become confrontations. Now, THAT spells trouble.

The renowned relationship researcher John Gottman discovered that roughly two thirds of what couples disagree on…they’ll never agree on. Matters of taste, opinion, personality, preference are what he calls “perpetual problems.” And couples can be perfectly happy “agreeing to disagree.” In fact, Gottman says that the goal with these issues is not to win the argument or get your way. Life is not always a zero sum game. The goal is to maintain a dialogue. Keep the conversation going where you listen, not to win; you listen to learn. Couples who can respect their partner’s different viewpoint can actually enrich each other, even as they disagree.

But, what about conflict where someone feels hurt, unheard, unimportant, unwanted? What about when a transgression has occurred? That’s a different type of conflict, but every couple has faced it. This is more often where and when conversations become confrontations and conflict becomes combat. This is where conflict often escalates.

It’s Not About Chores

Small skirmishes over who does which chores when, who spent how much on what and how often sex happens can become major standoffs and real offenses.

And most couples have familiar, predictable (albeit unproductive) patterns for managing these problems. In fact, what you argue about almost doesn’t matter. You could replace one topic with any other and the conversations go surprisingly the same—and usually downhill! That’s because, in fact, it’s not about the topic. It’s not about money or sex or chores or in-laws. Those are window dressing. The conflict is about something deeper: deeper needs, deeper fears. At the end of the day, it’s about what we call “attachment:” attachment fears, attachment needs.

More Than Meets the Eye

And that is what we teach and learn—that and much more—at our Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreats in Florida. We learn that, when it comes to conflict, often, much more is going on than meets the eye, much more than what appears on the surface.

We learn from the fascinating science of attachment that all humans seek and need a safe connection, the comfort and confidence of a partner who sees us and values us and supports and believes in us. If that isn’t happening, even minor slights become major fights. It’s scary and discouraging and many couples give up and throw in the towel for lack of knowing what else to do.

Safe Connection is the Key

But, when we know that our partner is there for us in all those important ways, our relationship is sound and strong. We see and say the best in one another. We want the best for one another. Disagreements are less threatening and solutions have a way of coming to themselves.

Imagine a relationship where you don’t hide from conflict, where conversations don’t become confrontations. Imagine that you could actually manage hurts or disagreements and be closer afterward.

Man, you’d be bulletproof!

You CAN Get There!

I promise, it’s not a pipe dream. Healthy attachment is how you do it. It’s the hidden key to managing conflict. Hold Me Tight®️ will give you a road map to get there. And with that map, tough things get easier. You can find hope when things get hard. Problems become manageable. Hurts can heal.

That sounds like a lot of ground to cover in just two days at a Hold Me Tight®️ retreat. But, don’t take my word for it. Come to sunny Florida in April and see for yourself. Learn to have the conversations you didn’t know how to have…didn’t know you could have and find the connection you’ve always wanted with the one you love.

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Here Come the Four Horsemen

mbecklpc@gmail.com (Mark Beck) — Tue, 05 Mar 2024 22:03:26 GMT

Here Come the Four Horsemen

Picture this pleasant scenario with your partner: you have a complaint. You’ve tried to overlook it, but you’re fed up. You’re irritated, so your complaint has a critical edge. “Why don’t you ever get home from work on time? You’re always late.”

Your partner, feeling unfairly blamed, is understandably defensive.

“I’m not always late. And why are you so negative?”

You might trade these attack/defend barbs for a while, neither feeling heard. But, then someone raises the bar and things get hotter.

“You’re so self-centered. Why in the world did I marry someone so thoughtless?”

“Me self-centered? That’s insane! You are disgusting!”

Now, the gloves are off. You’ve escalated and things have gotten personal…you’re going for the jugular. This is intense and painful and will likely last until someone taps out.

“That’s it; I’m done! I’m out of here.” One of you shuts down and becomes a stone wall. The conversation stops, but not the conflict.

Maybe for an hour or a day, or longer (I’ve seen it last for years) it’s a Cold War, or at least an uneasy truce.

Slowly, the smoke clears and eventually things get back to a kind of normal—until the next explosion.

And the more it happens, the further apart you and your partner become, to harder it is to reconnect and the more desperate your love feels.

Sound familiar? You’re not alone.

We’ve All Been There

You’ve been stampeded by what John Gottman calls the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse (Criticism, Defensiveness, Contempt and Stonewalling). It’s a familiar and troubling pattern for countless couples in conflict. Gottman has discovered in his decades of research that the Four Horsemen will eventually destroy any relationship if couples don’t corral them.

Strange as it sounds, conflict management is key to any happy relationship. Conflict happens—and, strangely enough, conflict is not a sign of trouble. Rather, how we manage it tells the tale.

Couples who can’t learn to change the conversation, go deeper and understand what’s really going on when they spark are in for a rough ride. And, given the divorce statistics we’ve all heard, many, many couples need more help than they get.

You Can Change the Conversation

That’s why Vicki Kennedy and I do what we do. We’re both couples therapists and, for more than five years now, we’ve been leading Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreats near Orlando FL. Hold Me Tight®️ is a two day experience for couples that helps them makes sense of what so often doesn’t. It’s rooted in attachment science and the tenets of Emotionally Focused Therapy, generally considered the gold standard for couples care.

Conflict is not just scary in a relationship; it’s confounding. Why and how do we get so stuck in these endless cycles? Why do we get so wound up? And why does it seem that no one else impacts us like our partner, the one we love more than anyone else?

A Hold Me Tight®️ retreat helps couples slow down, corral the Four Horsemen and begin to make sense of those raging cycles. And making sense of it is the best place to start. What we can understand, we can manage and change.

Take Charge of Your Relationship

Wouldn’t you love to understand your cycle—and know how to interrupt it? Wouldn’t it be great, even in the heat of the moment, to turn toward your partner rather than turning away (or worse, turning against)?

Hold Me Tight®️ will show you how. In two days together, you and your partner can come to understand your moves in this dance of love. And even better, you can learn new moves. You can bring the Four Horsemen to heel and have a different kind of conversation…a conversation instead of a confrontation…a conversation that heals and comforts your heart.

A Hold Me Tight®️ retreat is not therapy. It’s a low key, two day experience with other couples facing the same challenges and seeking the same connection as you and your partner. Learn how much you and others have in common. You will get to practice new conversations in real time…conversations for connection. You go at your own pace. No one is put on the spot. We don’t twist arms. We don’t push you; we point you toward deeper, closer connection, which is what we all really want. You will leave with a road map for closeness that you never you could have…never knew how to have.

Time for a Change

You and your partner really can get there. Get in on it today. Our next Hold Me Tight®️ retreat is in April. Join us in sunny Florida in the Spring and give your love a boost.

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Commit to the Climb

mbecklpc@gmail.com (Mark Beck) — Mon, 26 Feb 2024 16:17:27 GMT

Cycling Through Life

In my spare time, I love bicycling. Florida has great bike trails. And, before moving to Florida, I pedaled the Blue Ridge Parkway in southern Virginia, where I came to love the climb to Thunder Ridge, the highest point in Virginia on the Parkway. From the James River basin, it's 12.5 miles--all uphill--to Thunder Ridge. The 3600 foot ascent is no joke. I’ve done it more times than I can remember…and it’s tough every time. I enjoy it, but I wouldn’t call it fun. It’s hard. It’s challenging. It’s exhausting. It’s relentless. But, you know what else it is?

It’s rewarding. It’s gratifying. I’ve never reached the Ridge and regretted the ride.

Why? Because 1) the view from the top is amazing and; 2) I’m different at the top than I was at the bottom: my legs, my lungs, my heart—and my spirit—all better for the work. The journey teaches me every time—about pacing and persistence, about staying "in the saddle." I learn that, although it isn’t easy, it’s definitely worth it.

And that’s true for all the best things in life.

It's certainly true of marriage.

Cycling Through Love

All those words that describe the mountain also describe marriage: hard, challenging, sometimes exhausting. Truly, marriage is not all uphill. The analogy is not perfect. But, sometimes marriage is not fun. Sometimes we struggle. Sometimes, it’s a grind. And, just like on the bike, it’s tempting at times to give up.

But, that isn’t why I came. I didn’t come to quit.

Sadly though, with marriage, too many couples do. Aiming for the summit, with high hopes, they start off well. But it gets hard, grueling, not what they expected. So, they quit. They tap out. They cheat. Some "quit quietly." They just stop trying. Marriages die in many ways. There’s more than one way to leave.

Sometimes, when I have miles still to go on the mountain, I play a little game in my head that helps me stay in it. I pick a spot twenty or so feet ahead and tell myself, “Just get to that spot…just a few feet.”

And, when I get there, I pick another spot twenty more feet ahead.

I don’t think about climbing to the top…just climbing a little bit more.

Some days in your relationship, you can’t think about solving all your troubles, resolving all your conflict. So, just make this day good. Just love your partner for this day. Just make it through this week.

The author Robert Anderson said, “Every marriage has grounds for divorce. The trick is to find grounds for marriage.” So, find a reason to stay on the mountain one more day, one more moment, aiming for higher ground.

John Gottman discovered that the majority of couples who stay in the game, even—especially—when it’s tough, say later that they’re glad they did. Perhaps it’s because the view from the top is great. They’re stronger for the trip and, best of all, it may not be easy, but it’s worth it.

It’s so worth it.

Commit to the Climb

If you’re one of those couples committed to the climb, in it for the long haul, but maybe are feeling depleted because the mountain is so steep and you're tired, don't quit. Let me suggest a Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat. You can get to the top. And a little coaching along the way makes the journey easier and more enjoyable. Don’t just endure the hard times. Hold Me Tight®️ will help you and your partner team up to smooth out the steep places. Imagine facing challenges and actually becoming stronger, closer for the effort. Believe me, it’s possible. Couples like that are bulletproof! That’s what Hold Me Tight®️ can do.

The science behind Hold Me Tight®️ makes sense. The tools are practical and the confidence you’ll gain together will make mountains more like mere bumps in the road.

No one ever said marriage is easy. But, if you stay in the journey, and with Hold Me Tight®️ guiding you, you’ll find that, even if it isn’t easy, it’s worth it.

It’s SO WORTH IT.

Our next couples retreat in Florida is next month. Commit to the climb! Sign up today.

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The View from the Top is Worth the Work!

Every Couple Needs a Road Map

mbecklpc@gmail.com (Mark Beck) — Mon, 05 Feb 2024 14:42:30 GMT

Every Couple Needs a Road Map

Let’s say you’re going on a road trip. You need several things. You need to know where you want to go and you need a vehicle that will get you there. You can have a wonderful destination in mind. You may even have a brand new car—reliable, well equipped and full of gas. And you can be ready and willing to go. But you won’t make it without one more thing.

You have to know HOW to get there. You need directions. Just to get behind the wheel and start driving is a bad idea. As they say, “Failing to plan is planning to fail.” Without directions, eventually, however hard you might try, you’ll probably end up lost.

Couples Get Lost Too

And that isn’t just true for road trips. It’s also true for relationships. All couples start out headed in the right direction. They have the vehicle. Their love is beautiful and will take them places. So they embark. As the song says, “A kiss for luck and we’re on our way.” But, we all find sooner or later that love is not enough—good intentions alone won’t get you there. We need directions. Looking for a place we’ve never been and, after perhaps years of searching, we begin to believe that we’ll never find that happy place (if it even exists). The highway of love is strewn with couples who gave up or broke down along the way. It’s all too common…all for lack of a good road map.

If that’s you…if you and your partner want desperately to get to a better place but just don’t know how, don’t give up. Great news: there IS a road map. No matter how long you’ve been lost, you can get back on the right track.

Hold Me Tight is Your Road Map

That’s what Hold Me Tight®️ is all about. Hold Me Tight®️ is a road map for relationships, one that leads to understanding, clarity, connection and a deeper level of intimacy that is the very definition of love. Come to a Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat in Florida and find a clear path and the confidence that you can get there, even if you thought you were lost for good.

So, what happens at a Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat? First, you’ll learn how you and your partner get so lost. How could you start out so right and end up so wrong, so disconnected, so escalated? And you seem to have the same arguments, as if you’re going in circles, but getting nowhere. Hold Me Tight®️ is rooted in solid science. Love need not be so confusing. Hold Me Tight®️ will help you make sense of what so often doesn’t.

But, that’s just the first step. From there you’ll learn what all humans need in love and how to give it. You’ll learn how to have conversations, not confrontations. You’ll learn about powerful tools like vulnerability and empathy AND how to use them…with your partner, at your own pace, in real time. Hold Me Tight®️ is a low key, group experience. You’ll not only be with your partner; you’ll be with other couples as well who are finding their way too.

In a previous life, I was an over the road trucker. With my trusty road atlas, I could literally get to anywhere in these United States confidently and capably. The road map made all the difference.

But, now, I’m a couples therapist and I’ve seen countless couples who have the “want to.” They love each other and are desperately searching for their “happy place.” But they don’t know how to get there. They try. They keep trying. But, the more they try and the more lost they feel, the more their hope wanes.

Too many give up..all for lack of a road map.

Don’t Give Up

If that’s you, you’re not alone. It doesn’t mean you’re a bad couple. It just means you’re lost. The shame isn’t in being lost. It’s in not using the map at your fingertips. Hold Me Tight®️ is your map.

Let Hold Me Tight®️ show you the way.

Come to Florida and start your journey. We embark THIS Friday and Saturday. We have room for you at Hold Me Tight®️. Sign up today!

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Better Than Cards and Candy

mbecklpc@gmail.com (Mark Beck) — Mon, 29 Jan 2024 16:59:19 GMT

Hold Me Tight Beats Cards and Candy

Ah, here it comes: you no sooner recover from Christmas spending and it’s February. Valentine’s Day is the fifth biggest spending holiday on the calendar in America, so get out your wallet. We will spend upwards of 26 billion (that’s “B”— billion !) dollars this year to say, “I love you” to that special one. Cards, candy, flowers, jewelry, dinner out, who knows? The sky’s the limit. And it isn’t a waste—it’s always great to say (and hear) “I love you.” But, it can get old. It can get tired. And you might rightfully wonder, “Does it make a difference? Does it last?”

Cards get thrown away. Candy only puts on the pounds. Flowers wilt and die.

Hold Me Tight is for Any Couple

How about giving and receiving something that lasts, something that could change your relationship for good? Come to a Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat in Florida. Hold Me Tight®️ is truly a gift that keeps on giving, long after cards and candy are gone and forgotten. Hold Me Tight®️ is a two day retreat for committed couples at any age or stage: dating, living together, newlywed, long time married, couples in crisis or just trying to make a good thing better. Hold Me Tight®️ fits almost any couple.

Learn and Grow Together

Hold Me Tight®️ will teach you about your relationship and yourself. It is rooted in the fascinating tenets of attachment science and a model called Emotionally Focused Therapy. But, Hold Me Tight®️ is not therapy. It is learning and interacting, not only with other couples, but most of all, with your partner. Since our group is often very diverse, each couple goes at their own pace. No one is put on the spot. It isn’t “pass” or “fail.” We learn together and then give you time to practice with your partner—practice new conversations that lead to greater intimacy and connection than you ever thought possible.

You will leave understanding how and why you and the one you love most so easily and so often get stuck in the same conflicts. Those conflicts often lead nowhere and leave you wondering why you can’t seem to get out of your own way. When you finally begin to make sense of those “round and round” cycles of conflict, and how to interrupt them, you can change the conversation and create deep connection.

You leave understanding better what you and partner most need and long for in your relationship. You leave with a priceless road map for getting there and the confidence that your relationship can truly be that safe place we all need to be and do well in life.

Hold Me Tight®️ is more than learning to “fight fair” or negotiate better. It goes deeper. As you learn the value of empathy and vulnerability in love, you learn to turn towards, not away from or against your partner. You learn truly to team up—together—against any challenge you might face.

A Gift that Keeps on Giving

Hold Me Tight®️ is powerful and has the best track record in the business. Research consistently shows that 70 percent of couples who attend this workshop are doing well as much as two years later. That beats the heck out of cards and candy!

Every year, almost half of all New Year’s resolutions involve improving one’s primary relationship. If that was you this year, here’s your chance. Stop talking about it. The time is now. Do something that proves you care. Do something that lasts. Get in on Hold Me Tight®️.

Join us just outside Orlando on February 9 & 10, the weekend before Valentine’s Day. There’s no time like the present. Sign up right now!

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Pain Relief

mbecklpc@gmail.com (Mark Beck) — Mon, 22 Jan 2024 15:26:37 GMT

Get Pain Relief Quickly and Easily

Every now and then, my back gives me trouble. (It’s one of the blessings of age.) Strange, but I can bend or twist casually, nothing strenuous, and feel my back twitch. Then, it’s, “Uh oh…” and I feel muscles tightening painfully. Two things need to happen right away. First, I need to take a Motrin and get off my feet. And second, I call my chiropractor for an adjustment—the sooner, the better. I’ve learned the hard way that what I ignore, I complicate. I’ve actually ended up in the ER with uncontrollable, excruciating muscle spasms by pretending that I’m fine when I know I’m not. And getting back on my feet then is harder and takes longer than it should.

That happened to me (again) last week (fortunately, without the ER part). This time I addressed it pronto, got to my chiropractor and, three adjustments later, I’m pain free and back in the swing of things. The process was quick and pretty easy—no doubt because I got right on it. And my doctor and I have decided to do a monthly, preemptive adjustment to make all this less likely in the future. No doubt, prevention is always better than treatment.

Couples in Pain

Without a doubt, the same thing is true for couples.

Couples often have trouble dealing with their pain. And the real problem usually isn’t so much the injury; it’s how they deal (or don’t deal) with it.

Some couples have occasional pain. For others, it’s chronic. And, for most, it didn’t happen in one egregious transgression, some overt, severe injury. More often, it comes on gradually from small, incidental, even unintended moves over time…a bump here, a scrape there, an offhand comment, a casual criticism. We feel a pinch, something hurts and too often, we just push through it, telling ourselves it’s no big deal, it doesn’t matter.

But, it does matter. And over time, with more bumps and bruises, the pain gets worse until we can hardly move. The relationship freezes up; we become guarded, angry, defensive, discouraged. We’re in terrible shape. We’re not sure how we got there; we just know it hurts!

What should we do?

Don’t Wait

First, don’t ignore that pain! What you ignore, you complicate. Even when it’s seems small, pay attention to that pinch, that poke. Don’t tell yourself it’s no big deal or it didn’t hurt. Yes, it did. Now, mind you, this isn’t about brooding or battling over every minor offense. Making mountains out of molehills is no solution and likely makes things worse, not better.

Instead, go GET HELP. It’s no shame if you don’t know what to do when you’re in pain. The shame is in not knowing and doing nothing. Help is out there. This pain can be adjusted.

Chiropractic Couples Care

That’s what a Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat can do. Hold Me Tight®️ is like “chiropractic couples care.” Hold Me Tight®️ can bring a world of relief and prevention to a relationship in pain. And that relief can come in the span of just two days.

Wouldn’t you love to understand how and why you and your partner “pinch and poke” one another…what that’s all about? Just making sense of those seemingly endless, unresolved arguments is the first step to changing them—and you can! You can transform painful confrontations into healthy conversations that comfort and soothe you both. Hold Me Tight®️ can help you get there—even if you’ve hurt for so long that you can’t imagine a “pain-less” partnership. Miracles do happen.

Hold Me Tight®️ is a low key, group experience with other couples as well as private time with your partner too. No one is put on the spot. You and your partner go at your own pace and experienced presenters are there to catch you if you stumble or get stuck. Hold Me Tight®️ is a safe place.

Get Real Relief

Partnership pain happens. We can’t avoid it. But, we should never ignore it. Physically, emotionally, it’s true: what you ignore, you complicate. Help is close by…good help, lasting help. And sooner is much better than later. Hold Me Tight®️ can bring real relief. Orlando FL is the place to find it. Our next retreat is just a few weeks away…February 9 & 10, 2024. Sign up today at www.couplesworkshopsofflorida.com.

Get to know Mark and Vicki.

Get ready for a transformational experience.

Have a Safety Plan

mbecklpc@gmail.com (Mark Beck) — Mon, 15 Jan 2024 17:01:49 GMT

Hold Me Tight Will Help You Land Safely

I’m not a pilot…never have been. But, a few basic piloting rules and skills are familiar to us all. Aviation is dangerous; anything that goes wrong in the sky is potentially life threatening. With little warning or reason, disaster might suddenly be just moments away. When that happens, the pilot is trained to declare an emergency, explicitly acknowledging a dangerous situation that needs attention.

In that case, certain things happen instantly. A clear procedure is in place. Immediately, any other nearby aircraft or issues stand down and all available resources focus on the crew in distress. Everything else takes a back seat. Suddenly, that pilot has all the support and assistance possible until the crisis is past. Emergency procedures have saved countless lives. But, they only work when they are followed and it all starts when the pilot calls for help.

Couples in Crisis

What if couples could do that? Couples get into crisis all the time. They lose communication or find themselves in a tailspin. When that happens, emotionally speaking, it’s life threatening. No doubt, you’ve been there. With little warning, almost out of the blue, you can be in real relationship distress, feeling alone, desperate and the ground is coming at you very fast. Panic is a good word for what you feel, very out of control. It can be terrifying.

A couples safety plan might look like this: first of all, someone declares an emergency. That’s saying, “We need help. We’re spinning out of control. Our situation isn’t safe. We are in trouble.” The couple isn’t alone. They have resources, but they must declare the emergency first.

And, when they do, everything else stops…no other conversation, no other activities. Their attention is on the crisis at hand alone. All their resources go to stabilizing the situation and getting back to safety. That’s Job 1.

Stopping a Cycle

Emergency procedures are good decisions meant to slow things down and interrupt bad decisions. In crisis, sometimes one panic move leads to others and they snowball. That’s how disasters happen. In conflict, perhaps you snap at your partner. Your partner snaps back or shuts down. Things escalate. It can quickly go from bad to worse…to crash and burn.

But, when you declare that emergency, you and your partner can slow down and team up rather than square off. You can fight the problem—together—instead of fighting your partner. And you can martial other resources as well.

What might those be?

Help From Your “Ground Crew”

How about a Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat? Hold Me Tight®️ is your relationship “control tower,” your ground crew to help guide you out of danger and back to safety. And Hold Me Tight®️ is right there to come alongside when you reach out.

In a two day retreat together with your partner and other couples, Hold Me Tight®️ will show you where and how you get lost or what might put you in a tailspin. Every couple interacts with good intentions that sometimes bring bad results. No one ever crashes a plane intentionally, but planes (and relationships) do crash, sometimes because a crew member with good intentions makes a bad move.

Often, the very thing(s) we do in love to make it better only make it worse. As confusing as that can be, it actually makes a lot of sense when you break it down. A Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat will help you make sense of what often doesn’t, and also teach you better moves to get back to safe ground.

What is Your Safety Plan?

At the end of the day, every flight crew and every couple needs a safety plan. Of course, this analogy is imperfect, but it’s true that both love and aviation are tricky. The air is thin up there and things can go very wrong very fast. Emergencies happen. But, help is close by. Having a plan, that you KNOW how to use will increase the odds that you will land safely and avert disaster. Hold Me Tight®️ can help show you how.

Sunny Florida is the setting for your “flight training.” Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreats happen four times a year here and the next one is next month! See the homepage of the website for details. Seating is limited so sign up today!

Get to know more about Mark and Vicki .

Get ready for a transformational experience!

Vulnerable is Valuable

mbecklpc@gmail.com (Mark Beck) — Mon, 08 Jan 2024 19:47:36 GMT

Hold Me Tight Teaches the Value of Vulnerability

Vulnerability—are you up for it?

Let’s talk about vulnerability. Now, there’s a broad topic. If you Google it, you’ll come up with about 976 million hits. You can talk about physical vulnerability, economic vulnerability, environmental vulnerability, even military vulnerability, just to name a few. The vulnerability that most impacts couples is emotional and it is one of the most crucial elements of a healthy love life. It’s also one of the places we go in a Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat. Emotional vulnerability can literally transform a relationship.

Emotional vulnerability can be intimidating and, by definition, risky. It's about revealing our inner world, the parts of us we don’t often show (and, sometimes, don’t even know until we slow down and look). It’s easy when we’re happy, grateful or excited. Positive emotions don’t intimidate us. It’s a different matter, though to reveal fears, needs, hurts or loss. Negative emotions might incite our partner’s anger or judgment. Being rejected or abandoned, especially by one we love and depend on is one of our most primal human fears. Emotionally speaking, it’s tantamount to death. That’s why emotional vulnerability is such a heavy lift.

We All Need a Safe Connection

All humans seek a close, safe, dependable bond with someone on whom we can depend to be there for us, to see us, value us, trust us, accept us unconditionally, believe in us and care for us. From cradle to coffin, we are searching for that safety. As infants, we get it from parents or other caregivers. Indeed, we need it to survive. As adults, we seek that safety in a spouse or significant other. Safely connected, we relax, feel safe and thrive. This is how attachment science defines love. Closely bonded, we are resilient, courageous and creative. We are our best self.

Without that connection, if we can’t find it or fix it, we struggle. We pay a steep price emotionally. Trying to cope, we might develop anxiety, depression, addictions or other deficit behaviors. We become angry, critical, clingy, insecure or all of the above. Indeed, that disconnection is traumatic. We suffer, alone and as a couple.

What do we do about it? I’m glad you asked.

Hold Me Tight®️ Teaches New Moves

That’s what happens in a Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat. In two days of learning and interacting, first, couples learn to understand why we seek that seek that safe connection, but also, what our endless cycles of conflict are all about. Whether we rage or retreat in conflict, whether we pursue our partner or withdraw, it’s really all about seeking that safe connection we all need in order to be and do well. And vulnerability is an indispensable part of getting there.

In conflict, we may come across to our partner as angry and aggressive, but on the inside, we’re frightened or sad. We may pull away and go silent, when inside we feel like a total failure and so, hide it. We all have our inner, insecure parts that we really don’t readily show or share, much less to the one we love and need most.

Vulnerable is Valuable!

At Hold Me Tight®️ we help couples makes sense of this and understand that vulnerable is valuable . It’s where relationships heal. It draws us closer. And the other side of that coin is empathy—accepting our partner even when they share the hard stuff—empathy makes vulnerability worth the risk.

Couples in distress are almost always guarded, distant and protecting themselves. Vulnerability is long gone. Empathy is seldom seen as well. Couples willing to learn and practice these two powerful moves can change the very landscape of their love. They can create a resilience and strength to weather any storm. This is why Hold Me Tight®️ is such a powerful model. We don’t just talk about these skills. We practice them, on site, in real time. Couples leave different, stronger, better equipped than when they came. And these changes can last a lifetime.

Vulnerability and empathy are relationship game changers! But, don’t take my word for it. Get in on a Florida Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat. Our next one is next month. Seating is limited so sign up today!

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Happy New Year

mbecklpc@gmail.com (Mark Beck) — Thu, 04 Jan 2024 00:44:12 GMT

What's Your New Year's Resolution?

The new year is upon us. What are your New Year’s resolutions? Americans are great for making them. About two thirds of us aim to change something with the new year: our physical health, our mental health, our financial health. And while we all start out motivated (4 out of 5 of us believe we will stick to our goals) the results tend to be less stellar. Forty three percent of us will quit by the end of January. Twenty three percent will quit by the end of the first week! Resolutions lasts less than four months on average. Only about ten percent stick with it for the whole year. But that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try. Success is getting up just one more time than you fall.

A Great New Year’s Resolution

Some of us will team up with our partner and decide to get our relationship into better shape in the year to come. That’s a worthwhile goal, for sure. Healthy relationships improve our performance and well being in many other areas of life. A good connection with our partner is truly a worthwhile goal for the new year.

So, how can you slant the playing field in your favor? A Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat is a boost that can really last. It’s a way to deepen your understanding of those “round and round” conflict cycles that can catch you off guard and leave you confused and distant. It’s a way to deepen your connection and improve your intimacy. Hold Me Tight®️ is two days of learning and practice where couples create safety and grow closer than they ever realized that they could. It’s a low key, safe experience.

Something is very powerful about being with other couples committed to their love, but also facing the same struggles. You will learn from and encourage one another. You will find how much you have in common. Couples literally the world over have learned the attachment science and skills that undergird Hold Me Tight®️.

A Resolution that will Last

But, will it last? Will you get a boost, but then drift back into the same old stuckness you’ve been trying to fix.

I’m glad you asked! Hold Me Tight®️ has the best track record in the business. Numerous outcomes studies show that 70% of couples who learn and practice the lessons of Hold Me Tight®️ report that they are still doing well as much as two years later. Hold Me Tight®️ is no short term relationship “sugar high.” It’s a new way of seeing and doing your relationship. It a new way of “being with” your partner.

Maybe your relationship needs attention and you’ve known it for long while. Or maybe you just want to make a good thing better in 2024. Either way, Hold Me Tight®️ is a way to make your New Year’s resolution stick. Stop talking about getting your relationship into shape. Now is the time. Sooner is always better than later.

Our next Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat is in Winter Park, FL (just outside Orlando) next month.

Make 2024 the best year ever.

Get to know more about Vicki and Mark
Fill out our convenient online contact form
Prepare for a life changing experience!

Prevention Beats Repair

mbecklpc@gmail.com (Mark Beck) — Mon, 18 Dec 2023 18:16:16 GMT

Prevention Beats Treatment!

Any doctor will tell you it’s better to prevent a problem than to treat one. Hence, the adage: “An ounce of prevention is better than a pound of cure.” We have lots of great medical cures today—be it surgery, medication or therapy. Much that used to be terminal is now treatable. But, prevention is almost always easier, cheaper and less painful. We learned long ago that simply washing your hands or covering your mouth when you cough can prevent flu or other diseases that might otherwise kill millions.

It’s like the old commercial for Fram oil filters, where the mechanic looks into the camera and says, “You can pay me now or pay me later.” In other words, an oil change now beats an engine rebuild later. Again, prevention is cheaper and faster than repair.

It's True for Couples Too

And that’s not just true with medicine or mechanics. It’s also true with love. No relationship is perfect. When we fall in love, it starts out so blissfully that we think, “What could go wrong?” Love feels so right that we’re sure it will always be that way. But fears, insecurities and imperfections can undermine even the steadiest, sturdiest couples.

Seldom does a relationship blow up in one fell swoop. More often, it takes time, sometimes years. Like sand in the shoes, we develop sore spots that become painful, so painful that we get to where we can’t walk.

But, smart couples choose prevention over cure. They don’t wait until they can’t walk together anymore.

Hold Me Tight Can Make All the Difference

And that’s where a Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat can make all the difference. Hold Me Tight®️ is one of the best things couples can do to make their relationship strong for the long run, before things go badly awry. It’s a low key, fun, meaningful two day group experience where couples learn the science and sense of love. Hold Me Tight®️ is rooted in research, attachment science and the tenets of Emotionally Focused Therapy. So, it’s more than theory. Hold Me Tight®️ consistently produces long term positive results for couples. It’s like preventive maintenance for your marriage!

Make Sense of What Doesn't

In Hold Me Tight®️ you will make sense of the conflicts that infect all couples…why you seem to get sucked into those same (and seemingly endless) arguments that go nowhere, why you seem to hurt and get hurt by the one you love most. It isn’t that you are a mismatch or not meant for one another. In fact, you’re not alone. It’s reassuring to know that other couples struggle too and that you can change those cycles, better and faster than you thought possible.

Learn to Connect Deeply

In Hold Me Tight®️ you will learn not only what you and your partner (what all people, in fact) want and need in love, you will learn how to get it and give it, how to connect, perhaps like never before.

Hold Me Tight®️ is safe. Couples go at their own pace. It’s not therapy. It’s low key; it’s learning and doing together with your partner. It’s as safe as washing your hands or covering your mouth when you cough!

Come to Sunny Florida!

Couples Workshops of Florida leads Hold Me Tight®️ retreats four times a year just outside beautiful Orlando. What better place to be in the middle of winter than the Sunshine State?

John Gottman says that most couples wait over six years before getting the help their relationship needs. Don’t make that mistake. Hold Me Tight®️ Is painless prevention that can reap a lifetime of good health.

Our next retreat is on Friday and Saturday, February 9 & 10, 2024. The time to sign up is NOW.

Get to know more about Vicki and Mark

Fill out our convenient online contact form

Prepare for a life changing experience

The Perfect Gift

mbecklpc@gmail.com (Mark Beck) — Mon, 04 Dec 2023 15:37:24 GMT

It's The Season for Giving!

Ah, our favorite time of year, the season for giving. (Pardon the little bit of sarcasm there.) And, whether you do your shopping early or, like me, you somehow always wait too late, Christmas shopping is tough…not knowing what to buy, where to look, how to find it. Shopping is the stressfullest (is that a word?) part of the holiday season. You want to find that perfect gift. A perfect gift is something useful, something your giftee (is THAT a word?) will appreciate—something with value and meaning, and you want something that will last, hopefully a very long time.

Hmmm. That’s a tall order.

Never fear, I have just the ticket for the couples on your wish list.

How about gifting them a Hold Me Tight®️ couples weekend retreat in beautiful Orlando, FL? It just may be the perfect gift for a couple.

A Useful Gift

First of all, it’s useful. Every couple can use two days away just for themselves, deepening their relationship, strengthening their connection. And don’t worry, gifting a couples retreat doesn’t suggest that a relationship is in trouble.

In fact, Hold Me Tight®️ is great for any couple—any age or stage, almost any situation.

All couples, even the closest couples have much to learn in love. None of us are experts from the start. Hold Me Tight®️ teaches what all couples need to know—what draws them together and what pulls them apart. Hold Me Tight®️ is rooted deeply in attachment science. Until we learn these powerful lessons, we are likely to make the same mistakes and follow the same patterns until we drift apart or lose our way.

What could be more useful for couples than learning the lessons of love?

A Valuable Gift

A perfect gift is valuable as well. You want to give something that shows how much your loved ones mean to you. The gift of Hold Me Tight®️ may well be priceless. You can’t put a price tag on a healthy, strong relationship. It pays off in a thousand ways. We know that people with healthy connections tend overall to live longer, resist illness and heal faster, suffer less anxiety, depression and addiction, tend to have more stable and rewarding careers, tend to raise happier children and tend to do better in just about every way we measure better. Of course, nothing is guaranteed, but a healthy relationship certainly slants the playing field in a positive direction. And those benefits can trickle down for generations, even to those yet unborn. Nothing says you love and want the best for your loved ones like investing in their committed relationships.

A Gift that Lasts

And most of all, Hold Me Tight®️ is a gift that lasts. Of course, there are many types of couples workshops and retreats. They are NOT one size fits all. Only Hold Me Tight®️ is based on attachment science and the tenets of Emotionally Focused Therapy. Mind you, Hold Me Tight®️ is not therapy, but it stands on a reliable, validated therapy model that has the best track record in the business. Numerous outcome studies show that couples who learn the lessons of Hold Me Tight®️ report a stronger, closer connection as much as two years later. Hold Me Tight®️ is more than a two day “sugar high.” The lessons couples learn can change things for good. It is truly a gift that keeps on giving.

So, Hold Me Tight®️ might just be the perfect gift! It’s useful, valuable and can last a lifetime.

What couples do you know and love? Maybe they are engaged or just starting out. Maybe they’ve been together for years and are looking for a shot in the arm. Whether they are naughty or nice, Hold Me Tight®️ is a perfect gift that will show them that you care.

At the top of the home page of this website, click on “More” and go to the Store. Gift cards come in various denominations. Gift all or part of a Hold Me Tight®️ Florida couples retreat and show that you care!

Get to know more about Vicki and Mark

Fill out our convenient online contact form

Prepare for a life changing experience

Get Beck in the Driver's Seat

mbecklpc@gmail.com (Mark Beck) — Mon, 13 Nov 2023 14:34:52 GMT

You Won't Believe This

Did you read about the guy who bought a Winnebago RV and on his first trip, set the cruise control at 70 mph on the highway, then left the driver’s seat, went to the back and started making coffee? Ridiculous, right? Of course, the RV crashed. The owner then sued Winnebago, stating that the owner’s manual did not warn him that cruise control is not autopilot. And he won! The court awarded him $1.75 million.

At least that’s the story. You can find it on the internet.

But, it isn’t true.

Nope, urban legend. And thank God it isn’t true, right? First, that anyone would be that stupid and second, that someone could win a lawsuit like that.

It Happens Every Day

But, here’s what IS true: couples everywhere make the same foolish mistakes everyday. They have put their relationship on cruise control and left the driver’s seat, taken their hands off the wheel, as if it will just drive itself! They aren’t watching the road, don’t see their love heading perilously off course. They are paying attention to other things: kids, careers, hobbies, toys, diversions, distractions—as the relationship veers off course. Too often, they don’t realize it until they have crashed and burned.

By then, the damage is done.

Now, that IS ridiculous. As if saying, “I love you” and “I do” is enough for a lifetime. It isn’t. A relationship needs attention and intention: hands on the wheel, eyes on the road. Relationship cruise control is foolhardy.

Get Beck in the Driver's Seat

That’s where Couples Workshops of Florida comes in. Put your relationship back on a safe path. Come to Orlando and spend two days at a Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat. Hold Me Tight®️ is a low key, fun way to learn and grow as a couple. Over two days, you will meet other couples, see how much you have in common and make sense of your relationship…your conflicts, your connection. You will learn what makes love and what breaks love. You will leave with skills for driving your relationship better, not putting it on cruise control.

If you’re drifting off course, Hold Me Tight®️ can help. And, even if you have crashed and think you’re hopelessly stuck in a ditch, don’t give up. Your relationship may not be the wreck you think it is. Sometimes, a little understanding and insight and a few guided conversations will give you answers you didn’t know you had and you realize you can indeed get back in the driver’s seat. That’s what a Hold Me Tight®️ retreat can do.

Get Some Hands On Training

But, you’ll never know until you try. Get some hands on training.

All the details are at www.couplesworkshopsofflorida.com. Our next workshop is the weekend before Valentine’s Day, February 9 & 10, 2024. Plan for it now. Get it on your calendar and give your relationship a gift that can last a lifetime. Here’s to safe travels in the new year!

Get to know more about Vicki and Mark

Fill out our convenient online contact form

Prepare for a life changing experience

What Goes on at a Hold Me Tight Couples Retreat?

mbecklpc@gmail.com (Mark Beck) — Mon, 06 Nov 2023 18:07:25 GMT

What Can I Expect?

Feedback From our Recent Retreat

Having just completed another Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat, I want to pass on some of the feedback that we received from our participants…and answer some of the questions that people often ask before signing up, especially if a relationship workshop is uncharted water. It takes a measure of courage to try anything for the first time, but nothing ventured is certainly nothing gained.

So many couples are stuck in ruts: ruts of mediocrity or, worse, ruts of unending disconnection and distance. They want to be closer, but just don’t know what to do. So they do what they’ve always done and get what they’ve always gotten. And little by little, hope fades.

It doesn’t have to be that way.

Results Can Be Amazing

Time and time again, couples leave a Hold Me Tight®️ retreat better connected than ever before. When asked to sum up the experience, one of our couples just this week said, “This workshop is seeing for the blind and hearing for the deaf.” That’s pretty exciting, especially for couples who say that they were about to give up on their relationship. Another of our couples said, “These two days were like buying the wedding ring again.”

Let me be clear, no retreat works miracles. We don’t do rebuilds in two days. But we do help couples make sense of conflict and hurts that so often make no sense. And we give couples a map, a path forward and the hope and confidence that they walk that path together. What we all really need of love is to know that we aren’t alone, that our partner values us and supports us. We can endure what life throws at us as long as we turn toward one another and go together. Hold Me Tight®️ will show you how.

Questions for Those Who've Never Attended

First of all, many people wonder, “What goes on at one of these retreats?” Good question. Hold Me Tight®️ is not therapy. Your two co-leaders (Vicki and Mark) are licensed therapists with years of experience (so, you’re in good hands) but this retreat is not therapy. It’s a learning experience with other couples. Over two days together, we alternate between learning and doing. We learn in small bites some of what attachment science has taught us. Hold Me Tight®️ is rooted in years of solid research. Then we break out in private spaces and couples have guided conversations together with each other. Each conversation builds on the one before.

But, you go at your own pace. You don’t earn a grade or a certificate. You don’t have to pass a test at the end. There is no “pass/fail.” It’s just time in a safe place with your partner, connecting in ways you may never have before.

Hold Me Tight®️ is a group experience. Thus, it’s very different from just reading a book with your partner or taking a course online. You will be with other couples and, while no two couples are the same, you will learn how very much you have in common with others. Couples in distress often think that no couple could be as stuck or hopeless as they are. You’ll be surprised and comforted to see you aren’t alone. We have time for discussion and questions and often, friendships form in just two days. But no one is ever put on the spot or singled out. No one will ask you to “air your dirty laundry.” You share as much or as little as you please. More than anything, Job 1 for Vicki and Mark is to make Hold Me Tight®️ a safe place for every couple that attends.

Don't Miss This Chance

All in all, Hold Me Tight®️ is a gift that keeps on giving. Couples literally from all walks of life have attended our Hold Me Tight®️ retreat in Orlando. Every one of them has survived! And most go home knowing that they changed over two days, sometimes profoundly and permanently. But don’t take my word for it. Do the homework; ask your questions. Check out the details on this site and others and then, take the plunge! Sign up for our next retreat in Orlando. You’ll be glad you did!

Get to know more about Vicki and Mark
Fill out our convenient online contact form
Prepare for a life changing experience

What Do Couples Learn at a Hold Me Tight Couples Retreat?

mbecklpc@gmail.com (Mark Beck) — Thu, 26 Oct 2023 15:08:25 GMT

Couples Learn the Lessons that Attachment Teaches

Anything new can be a little daunting. What happens in a Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat? What do couples learn?

I’m glad you asked.

In a nutshell, we learn three things.

We learn that:

Humans are made for connection.

Humans are bonding mammals. Bonding is our “superpower.” Our ability to cooperate and connect deeply and intimately doesn’t just feel good. It is a survival strategy that strengthens and equips us to cope in a difficult, dangerous world. That is attachment science in a nutshell. Humans connect in many settings, everywhere from sports teams to street gangs, but the key, most functional connection is in love, such as marriage, the primary human bond. When we know that we can rely on and trust our key other to support us and protect us and truly care (and vice versa), we are stronger, more resilient, more productive, more creative; we are our best self.

So, love is about more than physical attraction, sex or similarity. Love is safety. Love is being accessible and responsive and engaged with a partner who is all of that to us. Indeed, every couple’s welfare revolves around one question that we ask and answer many times a day (although never in these words): “Are you there for me?”

Are you there for me? Do I matter? Am I important to you? Can I depend on you, trust you? Will you open up to me? When the answer to these questions is yes, we create safety and comfort and love grows. So, love is about safe connection.

Disconnection is traumatic.

As much as we crave connection, no relationship is ever fully “safe.” We miss and mix our messages. We let one another down…often without intending to or maybe even knowing it. And fears arise, fears that our partner is not there for us, that we may be alone, rejected, isolated and that is painful, and even traumatic, emotionally speaking. So, the essence of conflict in relationships is disconnection and the distress it instills.

We all have ways to manage that distress and try to reconnect. We learned them long before we ever met our partner. Some of us turn our energy up and become aggressive or critical. We might berate or interrogate. We might give advice or get sarcastic. We try to “get through” and restore our bond in any number of ways. Others might turn their energy down, pull away, sulk, “stonewall,” just try to keep the peace and avoid losing our connection.

And couples create “cycles” where the more one pursues, the more the other withdraws and vice versa and on and on it goes. It often feels hopeless to change it. This is where couples often throw in the towel.

In that place, neither partner feels safe. Each appears dangerous to the other, emotionally speaking. But, whether pursuing or pulling away, both are trying to make it better, yet only making it worse. That is conflict in attachment terms.

The solution isn’t learning to negotiate or make the relationship more fair. It’s about interrupting our cycles and understanding that the very things we do to address it often only make it worse.

Finding the Way Back

Once couples understand their conflict more clearly, they start to see beneath the surface of their arguments. They’re not just arguing about kids or money or sex. Deeper fears and needs are at play. Couples can then have conversations for connection, deeper conversations that don’t become confrontations. They can reassure one another and connect more deeply. They can say and hear clearly, “I AM there for you. I’m accessible and responsive and engaged. You are safe with me.”

That’s what we do in a Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat. We learn what attachment has taught us. We learn that humans are made for connection, that disconnection is traumatic and we learn to find our way back to that safe place with our partner that we all want, that we all need to be and do well.

But, don’t take my word for it. Find out for yourself. Our next Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat is right around the corner.

Get to know more about Vicki and Mark
Fill out our convenient online contact form
Prepare for a life changing experience!

Mastering Communication at a Florida Couples Retreat

mbecklpc@gmail.com (Mark Beck) — Thu, 12 Oct 2023 19:40:24 GMT

What's That Supposed to Mean?

Mastering Communication at a Florida Couples Retreat

If you Google “communication,” you will get a staggering 10 BILLION plus results. “Communication skills” gets over 2 billion. Narrow it down to “communication skills in relationships” and it’s about 600 million. It’s pretty clear, communication is such a broad topic that we’re not even really sure what it entails. Yet, as a couples therapist, communication is the number one problem my clients bring to therapy. New Paragraph

Communication is Far More Than Words

“We just don’t communicate!” they insist. And they mean it, but it certainly isn’t true. Couples definitely communicate, just not well. And not always with words. But, make no mistake, they communicate. In fact, I learned early in my career that in intimate relationships, most conversations happen before the words ever get spoken. A look, a gesture, a tone of voice, body language tells both partners all they need to know. Before either hears or says anything, they convey, “I don’t like you; I’m not paying attention;” “You don’t matter to me,” or even worse. They exchange anger or indifference. The lines are drawn; off they go from there and all this, often before ever a word is heard.

So, couples come to therapy hoping to speak more clearly (as if they haven’t yet been clear!). They want to negotiate or strike a better bargain, a “fairer” deal. They want to learn “I messages” and how to express their needs. And all of that is great, for what it’s worth.

But, all that isn’t worth much…unless they learn what’s really happening when they disconnect, what’s happening before and behind the words. And that’s what we do in a Hold Me Tight®️ weekend couples retreat. In Hold Me Tight,®️ couples learn that communication is much more than words.

Communication Requires Connection

Healthy relationships are about connection—safe emotional connection. Safe means that you are there for your partner and you know that your partner is there for you. Safe means that you know you matter, that you are not alone, that you and your partner are accessible and responsive and engaged with one another. Hold Me Tight®️ is rooted in attachment science that has proven that all humans need the assurance of a reliable connection. When that’s present, we are our emotional best; we thrive. When it isn’t, we struggle, we lash out, we criticize, we cut off, we do any manner of things to reconnect and restore that safety.

And often, our communication is the evidence that the connection is not there. But, if we only work on the words—what we say—how we say it, and ignore the disconnect and pain around it, then just changing our words is like rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic. It really won’t change the outcome.

Emotions Drive Our Communication

In a Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat, couples slow down enough to recognize that all of us have fears, needs and dreams that we often miss or ignore, but that drive us. Those emotions are the fuel either for good or bad in love. Owning them and sharing them with our partner can literally transform a relationship. In Hold Me Tight,®️ couples learn to have conversations they never knew how to have or knew they could or should have. And in the process, they learn to connect in ways they may have never thought possible.

At this retreat, couples go at their own pace. No one is pushed or put on the spot. The group is informal and casual. Couples learn together and often find a great deal of comforting and reassuring common ground. And, although Hold Me Tight®️ is not therapy, couples often say they learned and grew more in just two days than they had in months of therapy.

A Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat can be a priceless investment in the most priceless relationship you have. Find out for yourself. Reserve your spot today for our upcoming retreat.

What is Different About a Hold Me Tight®️ Couples Retreat?

mbecklpc@gmail.com (Mark Beck) — Sun, 10 Sep 2023 11:17:28 GMT

When I was a kid, I loved it when the carnival came to town. (Truth be told, I still do.) I loved the rides and the games and I especially loved the cotton candy. I could only get cotton candy at the carnival. It was the best! It tasted so good and just melted in my mouth. But, that was the problem: it melted in my mouth…and then it was gone. It just dissolved. It tasted great while it lasted. It just didn’t last long.

The best pleasures last. That’s part of what makes a Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat so special. If you think about it, couples can enhance their relationship in any number of ways: weekend getaways, dance lessons, working out together, sharing a hobby, vacations. And there are all kinds of couples retreats. So, what sets a Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat apart?

Results that Last

More than anything else, a Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat brings results that last. Lots of things, even other couples workshops might help for a time. But, too often, they don’t help for long—then things go back to the way they were. Hold Me Tight®️ is not a “cotton candy” connection. In fact, among couples who complete the workshop, 70% say they are still doing well two years later. That is the best result in the business!

So, why does a Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat last? It’s two things. First, couples learn about where and how relationships really tick. When couples get into conflict, whether it’s combat or Cold War, it’s not about money or sex or in-laws or kids or household chores. All that is just window dressing. And solutions aren’t about negotiating or using better words. Something deeper is happening. Once we learn what’s beneath the surface, what was blurry comes into focus. Love really does make sense. We start to understand what we (and our partner) really need.

Learning AND Doing

And second, we can begin to connect in a new, deeper way. We can create the safety all of us need to be vulnerable and authentic with one another. And here’s where the magic of a Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat really happens. We don’t just tell couples about all this. We give couples the chance to experience it, to have those newer, deeper, more vulnerable conversations firsthand, in real-time. So, conversations don’t become confrontations; they become connections—deep, safe connections.

Over two days together, couples gain the confidence that they can understand and be understood, that they can connect more closely and more deeply than they may ever have before, and that they can have conversations they never knew they could or should have. They don’t just learn about deeper connections—they do it.

Get On the Dance Floor!

It’s like taking dance lessons. There’s a huge difference between someone telling you how to dance and showing you, on the dance floor, in real time. At a Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat, you get to be on the dance floor. You get to do it for yourself. And, once you know that you can, you never want to stop!

Create Change and Connection That Last in a Hold Me Tight® Couples Retreat in Orlando, FL.

In short, Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreats are experiential. That’s why the results last. You, your partner and your relationship are different after those two days. Yet and still, each couple goes at their own pace. No one is put on the spot. You each risk what you’re ready to. No two couples are alike, but all couples can learn and grow. A Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat can truly change your relationship. And that change can last a lifetime. Sign up now and find out for yourself!

Get to know more about Vicki and Mark here.
Fill out our convenient online contact form .
Prepare for a powerful life-changing experience!

Rewire Your Love: Unleashing Neuroplasticity in Relationships

mbecklpc@gmail.com (Mark Beck) — Sun, 10 Sep 2023 10:48:53 GMT

Change Your Brain

Did you know that you can actually change how your brain is wired? That’s right. You can create new responses, new tendencies, new ways of being in the world, no matter your age or stage in life.

All Humans Have Habits

Human beings are creatures of habit. Habits can be good or bad, but they serve a vital function in our everyday lives. Habits are mental energy savers. They operate at an unconscious level in our brains. The more we do “automatically,” without a lot of thinking, concentration, deliberation, etc., the better our brain conserves energy and the more efficiently it operates.

So, our brain prefers “autopilot,” because that requires less energy. We will most often think about what is familiar and do what is second nature, even if it isn’t good for us. Bad habits can cause all kinds of problems and can be awfully hard to break, as we all know. But good habits can be just as powerful and ingrained. Someone said, “You create your habits, then your habits create you.” So, creating new, good habits is a worthy goal. And it can definitely be done.

You Can Rewire Your Brain

In fact, something amazing happens in your brain when you learn a new habit. Y ou actually change, and “rewire” your brain on a cellular level . Your brain is covered in “neural networks,” connections between brain cells, not unlike a series of roads on a map. The roads used most frequently become highways and carry the most cars.

The thoughts and behaviors we practice most create the strongest neural networks in our brains. These are our “habits.”

But, if we begin to practice new thoughts, new behaviors, and new experiences, we can actually create new brain “highways,” new neural networks. This is called “neuroplasticity.” It’s what happens when we create a new habit. We create a new pathway and new brain cell connections in our brain. Soon, our brain defaults to this “new normal,” this new way of thinking feeling, or reacting. You really can rewire your brain!

You Can Rewire Your Relationship

And that is part of what we learn and experience in a Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat . We experience neuroplasticity in action, in real time. How do we do that? We help couples understand how they tend to act and react in love. We help them make sense of what often makes no sense when they conflict. We help them understand those “autopilot” responses that happen in distress and disconnection. Those are often deeply ingrained and can feel impossible to change. (We’ve all been there!)

But, when we slow that “cycle” down, when couples experience not just new insights, but new, deeper emotions, in real time, they can create new connections with one another. They experience neuroplasticity in real-time.

Experience It For Yourself!

So, couple s in a Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat don’t just hear about closer connection; they experience it firsthand. They create a different relationship, often deeper and more alive than ever before. In attachment science terms, they literally rewire their brains! They form new actions and reactions to one another. Those new “brain highways” become their new normal, the good habits of love that every couple craves. This is not a newfangled theory. This is empirical science, backed by years of research and it’s producing long-term, reliable results.

Come join us in Winter Park, FL, and experience what couples the world over have learned. Build new “love habits” at Hold Me Tight®️ Couples Retreats!

Take the first step towards transforming your relationship and rewiring your love. Join us at the Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat in Winter Park, FL , and experience the power of neuroplasticity in action. Build new love habits and create deeper connections. Don't miss out on this opportunity to rewire your relationship for a lifetime of love and closeness. Register now!

Get to know more about Vicki and Mark here.
Fill out our convenient online contact form .
Prepare for a powerful life-changing experience!

Tried and True: The Power of De-escalation in Couples Therapy Through the EFT Approach

kennedycounseling@yahoo.com (Vicki Kennedy) — Mon, 21 Aug 2023 13:34:24 GMT

Emotionally Focused Therapy and Couples Retreats

In the dynamic world of couples therapy, Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) stands as a proven and resilient method to foster meaningful connections. By hosting couples retreats that promote understanding and growth, EFT offers a unique opportunity for couples to learn essential tools like De-escalation. This approach, used consistently in couples retreat scenarios, brings a radical change in relationships, often proving to be the turning point for many struggling couples.

Understanding the Three Key-Change Events

De-escalation
Pursuer Softening
Withdrawer Reengagement

In a couples retreat , these three events become essential pathways to create harmony and mutual understanding. Let’s delve into the significance of De-escalation and how it functions within the scope of EFT.

Why Is De-escalation Important?

In many relationships, continuous arguing leads to a spiral of despair and hopelessness. These arguments, prevalent in most relationships, can erode even the strongest love. The wise saying, “Strike while the iron is hot,” takes on a new meaning in couples retreats focused on EFT. Here, the approach is to “strike when the iron is cold.” If that is not possible, couples are guided to revisit the situation and have an open conversation about “how” things could have gone differently. This act of de-escalating, a cornerstone in couples retreats, brings about meaningful change.

Rifts and Misattunements: Navigating the Inevitable

Rifts and misattunements are inevitable in relationships. During a couples retreat, couples learn to take charge of moments of disconnection and steer them away from dangerous escalation. By focusing on these two key aspects:

Taking charge of disconnection
Slowing down emotional conversations

Couples gain confidence in shaping the safety of their connection. This process doesn’t magically bring closeness but equips couples with tools to prevent further damage.

Couples retreats , especially those following the EFT approach, offer an environment where couples begin to master the de-escalation tool. They learn how to touch each other's raw spots without sliding into anxious demands or numbing withdrawal. Couples also maintain emotional balance as they rise above destructive patterns. This puts them in the driver’s seat, healing their nervous systems and creating a new reality.

Two Crucial Elements of De-escalation

Response at a Key Moment: How a partner responds at a key moment can be deeply painful and threatening. This awareness is essential in couples retreats for promoting empathy.
Understanding Negative Reactions: Realizing that a partner’s negative reactions may be desperate attempts to deal with attachment fears helps in fostering compassion.

Learn More About EFT and De-Escalation at a Couples Retreat in Orlando, FL Today!

The concept of de-escalation in EFT has far-reaching implications. Its use in couples retreats across the world has transformed lives, healing wounds, and strengthening bonds. This powerful modality is not just a technique; it is a philosophy that helps couples navigate the complexities of love and commitment. By integrating de-escalation into their daily lives, couples take a step towards a more loving, understanding, and resilient relationship, a step that often begins with an empowering couples retreat.

Get to know more about Vicki and Mark here.
Fill out our convenient online contact form .
Prepare for a powerful life changing experience!

Healing Wounds—Building Bridges: Nurturing Trust and Communication at Hold Me Tight Couples Retreats in Florida

mbecklpc@gmail.com (Mark Beck) — Wed, 02 Aug 2023 12:25:20 GMT

What makes relationships fail? Why do so many couples end up breaking up? And many other couples who stay together struggle…but not for lack of trying. You and your partner love each other and want to find real joy (or at least to just get along!). But, somehow, our greatest hurts often come from and with those we love most. What is that about? Why do we hurt most those closest to us? What’s happening when the harder we try, the worse it seems to get? It’s easy to begin thinking we just weren’t meant for each other, our relationship is a mistake or we’re not a good fit.

What if you could see it another way? What if you could make sense of all that? It would be great to understand what’s really going on beneath the hurt. It would be great to know how to heal.

The Science of Love

And the good news is—you can—at a Hold Me Tight ^®️ couples retreat . Hold Me Tight ^®️ is rooted in attachment science , years of research, and results that have shown us what all humans want and need. Love seems so complex and mystical at times. But, actually, love is very rational. It makes exquisite sense. Attachment science has shown us that love is a search for safety, for a dependable connection with another.

From infancy, we all need protection, assurance, the comfort of knowing that someone is there for us: accessible and responsive, and engaged. With that person (or persons) in our lives, we thrive. We are confident, capable, self-assured, willing, and able to become our best selves. Even as adults, we seek and thrive with a partner who will support us, believe in us, trust us, and sacrifice for us. The word is safety; we feel safe with a partner who is there for us. That’s how attachment science defines love: a safe, emotional connection.

Losing that Safe Connection

But, no relationship is perfect and, inevitably we miss that mark with our loved one. We misspeak, misinterpret, misunderstand and we begin to doubt that safe connection. When that happens—or we fear that it might—our body responds as if to a life or death situation. And that is how attachment defines conflict—it’s a loss of that safety. And THAT is where many couples miss the memo.

So many struggling cou ples think that their problem has to do with money or sex or religion or in-laws or children or chores. We get bogged down negotiating and trying to make the relationship more equal or fair. But, the real problem is deeper—and simpler. It’s a lack of safety, a lack of confidence that we matter and our partner is there for us.

Building a Strong Foundation

These are the things couples learn in a Hold Me Tight ^®️ couples retreat. They learn to understand what they each need though perhaps they’ve never realized it. They learn to build safety through empathy and vulnerability, how to go deeper and have conversations, not confrontations. With safety comes confidence and renewed trust. Wounds that have festered for far too long truly can heal.

Heal Your Relationship's Wounds and Build New Connections at a Hold Me Tight® Couples Retreat in Orlando, FL.

Love is a safe emotional connection. It’s the confidence that your partner is there for you. A Hold Me Tight ^®️ couples retreat can help you make sense of what has confused you for too long. In two days, you can build a closer connection than ever with other couples committed to the same thing. In a low-key, relaxed setting, you’ll meet other couples on the same journey. And you’ll leave with a road map for a closer connection. It could make all the difference. Don’t wait. Sign up today for the next Hold Me Tight ^®️ retreat in beautiful Orlando, FL.

Get to know more about Vicki and Mark here.
Fill out our convenient online contact form .
Prepare for a powerful life changing experience!

Reviving Romance: Igniting Passion and Desire at a Hold Me Tight Couples Retreat in Florida

mbecklpc@gmail.com (Mark Beck) — Wed, 02 Aug 2023 11:47:49 GMT

A husband and wife went for marriage therapy. “We just have no passion in our relationship,” the wife complained. The husband acknowledged the same but didn’t know what to do. At this point the therapist walked across the office, grabbed the wife, and planted a long kiss right on her lips.

“Wow!” the wife exclaimed.

The therapist said to the husband, “She needs at least one of those every single day.”

The husband was very excited. “Okay, Doc!” he said. “What time should I have her back tomorrow?”

Of course, no real marriage therapist would actually do that, but the fact remains that a lack of passion is a common complaint in troubled relationships and a prime cause for breakup or divorce. But, what does a lack of passion mean? Often, we equate a lack of passion with a lack of sex. Although the two often go hand in hand, they are by no means one and the same. A lack of passion usually comes first. But, while that may or may not cause a lack of sex, a lack of passion will definitely cause problems. That isn’t to say that couples cannot stay together without passion or sex. Many do. But any healthy relationship will suffer without passion.

Treat the Sickness, not the Symptoms

And there is no shortage of tips and techniques for re-igniting passion between partners: more physical contact, more emotional contact, more quality time—the ideas are endless. And those are great, for what they’re worth. But, those are about the symptoms, not the sickness. It’s like, if someone is hitting you over the head with a baseball bat, you could take aspirin for the headache—or, you could get the bat out of their hands! Treating the pain is fine, but why not prevent it? Why not fix the real problem? Why not address what’s causing that lack of passion?

Hold Me Tight ^®️ Couples Retreats Teache Connection

A Hold Me Tight ^®️ couples retreat teaches couples: A) where that lack of passion comes from and; B) how to restore that safety, how to practice empathy and vulnerability to build an accessible and responsive, and engaged connection.

Couples leave a Hold Me Tight ^®️ couples retreat with a roadmap for closer connection and the confidence that they can get there. They know better what they need and how to show up for one another. Many couples say they accomplish more in two days at a Hold Me Tight ^®️ retreat than in months of therapy. Yet, the retreat is low-key and laid back. Each couple goes at their own pace. You and your partner can indeed revive romance and rekindle passion in a Hold Me Tight ^®️ couples retreat. Do something great for your relationship. Sign up today!

Revive the Romance in Your Relationship at a Hold Me Tight® Couples Retreat in Orlando, FL Today!

Is your relationship lacking the spark it once had? Do you feel disconnected from your partner and crave that deep emotional connection? It's time to address the root cause of your relationship's lack of passion and transform it into something extraordinary.

Join us for a transformative Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat where you'll discover more than just superficial solutions. Through the groundbreaking insights of attachment science, you'll learn the true essence of love and how emotional connection is the foundation for lasting passion.

Learn more about Vick i and Mark .
Fill out the online contact form .
Join us in Orlando in August !

Rekindling Intimacy—Exploring the Power of Emotional Connection

mbecklpc@gmail.com (Mark Beck) — Mon, 17 Jul 2023 20:10:15 GMT

Couples have many options for strengthening their relationship. A Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat is not just one of those options; it’s the best one. What’s different about Hold Me Tight®️? Most programs or workshops teach skills and techniques. They teach partners to negotiate or problem solve or to “fight fair.” All that is fine, for what it’s worth, but it’s superficial. Those are skin deep solutions. If they work, they likely won’t last. It’s like taking Tylenol for a headache when the real problem is the nail in your head. You might get a little relief for the pain, but the problem hasn’t gone away. It makes little sense to treat symptoms, but not the sickness.

Hold Me Tight ^®️ Couples Retreats go deeper.

Hold Me Tight ^®️ Couples Retreats go deeper. It gets to the cause, to where relationships truly live. And where is that? I can tell you, it’s more than “I statements” and counting to three before you speak. Hold Me Tight ^®️ is rooted in what we call “attachment science.” Attachment science has taught us that real intimacy is not about skills or techniques. Intimacy is about connection.

We are wired for connection. We seek it from cradle to coffin. When we feel seen and heard and valued by our partner, when we know that he or she is there for us, that’s emotional connection. That’s where we are our best self. In that place, we relax, we are confident, capable, creative; we thrive. We feel safe. That is real intimacy and that’s where love lives and grows.

That safety is an emotional survival need. We seek it. Without it, we struggle. We suffer. We live guarded, even with the one we love most. And, unless or until we understand how to connect and create safety, no amount of couples skills or techniques will help for long. That’s why most couples who learn such superficial skills in a workshop or even in therapy say that they work for a while, but soon, things go right back to the way they’d always been.

Hold Me Tight ^®️ Couples Retreats Last

Hold Me Tight ^®️ is different. Indeed, outcome studies consistently say that 70 percent of couples who practice what they learn in a Hold Me Tight ^®️ couples retreat are doing well even two years later. That is the best results in the business! It’s because a Hold Me Tight ^®️ couples retreat gets below the surface and helps partners practice the two dynamics that make emotional connection possible: vulnerability and empathy. Vulnerability and empathy are two sides of the same coin. They are easier said than done, but they are the essential building blocks for the kind of safety and closeness that grows ever stronger and lasts a lifetime.

A Hold Me Tight ^®️ Couples Retreat is Experiential

In a Hold Me Tight ^®️ couples retreat, couples don’t just hear about this; they actually get to practice it. Hold Me Tight ^®️ is experiential. In a laid back setting, couples have a series of conversations together that get progressively more vulnerable and more empathic. Each couples goes at their own pace. No one is put on the spot. A Hold Me Tight ^®️ retreat is low key and non-threatening. But it gives a couple a road map for the kind of connection that makes real intimacy possible. Do something for your relationship that will last. Get beyond skin deep solutions and build a strong foundation. Sign up for our next Hold Me Tight ^®️ couples retreat today.

Ready to Rekindle the Intimacy in Your Relationship? Join Our Couples Retreat in Orlando, FL Today!

Do something for your relationship that will last. Get beyond skin deep solutions and build a strong foundation. Sign up for our next Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat today.

Learn more about Vick i and Mark .
Fill out the online contact form .
Join us in Orlando in August !

From Conflict to Connection: Managing Conflict in a Hold Me Tight®️ Couples Retreat

mbecklpc@gmail.com (Mark Beck) — Mon, 17 Jul 2023 17:58:38 GMT

Someone said that marriage is like a deck of cards. We start out with two hearts and a diamond and we end up looking for a club and a spade. No doubt that’s funny because it’s so often true. So many intimate relationships start out strong and end up struggling. The renowned couples researcher Dr. John Gottman tells us that all couples conflict (as if we didn’t already know!) But, some couples conflict better than others. Better means that they don’t necessarily resolve their conflict, but they do manage it. It doesn’t fester and escalate and do long term damage. They understand how to turn toward each other when they conflict. They know how to repair (re-pair).

We Must Learn to Manage Conflict

But, conflict management is not instinctive. It takes time and patience to learn. And that is part of what we do in a Hold Me Tight ^®️ couples retreat . Conflict in love is not only painful; it’s also confusing. It often makes little sense. It seems so irrational at times. Why do my partner and I seem to get into the same sort of arguments? It’s like a dance we can’t change. What we argue about may change, but the way we argue never does. Why do we act and react as we do? We love each other, but we couldn’t prove it by the way we argue. What is it with us? And when you don’t have good answers, you can draw some pretty scary conclusions. Maybe we just weren’t meant for each other. Maybe we’re just a bad match. Should we give up?

Don’t Throw in the Towel

If that’s where you are, don’t throw in the towel. Hold Me Tight ^®️ Couples Retreats can make a world of difference. Hold Me Tight ^®️ Couples Retreat will help you make sense of what so often makes no sense. Hold Me Tight ^®️ is rooted in attachment science, which says that all humans are hard wired for connection. It’s an emotional survival need. We crave connection from cradle to coffin. Love is a search for a safe, emotional bond with someone who will be there for us, who will be accessible and responsive and engaged. When we find that connection, we are our best self. That is, in fact, an attachment definition of love: a safe emotional connection.

Conflict is Disconnection

But, no relationship is perfect and we inevitably go through times when our partner isn’t there for us: they disappoint us, let us down, sometimes attack us, maybe even betray us. That disconnection is not only painful; indeed, it is traumatic. Our brain tells us that our very survival is at stake. And how we cope with that disconnection is what we call conflict. We might reach toward our partner by blaming or accusing or attacking, hoping to re-connect. Or we might pull away by minimizing or defending or just plain shutting down, hoping to keep things from getting worse. Either way, it’s a good intentions/bad results scenario.

At a Hold Me Tight ^®️ Couples Retreat , couples learn that conflict is not about money or kids or sex or religion or in-laws (or any other topic). It’s deeper than that. It’s about disconnection. It’s about a lack of safety and our need for both partners to show up with understanding and openness. In a Hold Me Tight ^®️ retreat, couples learn to have conversations they never knew how to have, never knew they could have. They learn to connect like never before.

Learn How to Manage Conflict in a Healthy and Constructive Way at a Couples Retreat in Orlando, FL.

Conflict is inevitable. But it need not be destructive. Indeed, couples who can reconnect and re-pair rather than retaliate are well equipped to weather whatever storms come their way. Come find out how to do that at a Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat. Sign up for a Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat today and discover the difference it can make. Your love story awaits its next chapter – don't miss out.

Learn more about Vick i and Mark .
Fill out the online contact form .
Join us in Orlando in August !

Strengthening the Foundation: Building Resilience and Connection at Hold Me Tight®️ Couples Retreats in Florida

mbecklpc@gmail.com (Mark Beck) — Tue, 11 Jul 2023 13:18:19 GMT

Ask anyone who has attended a Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat and they will tell you about a really unique experience. Couples in Hold Me Tight®️ retreats often report surprising breakthroughs in their relationship. Some say they made more progress in two days together than in months of therapy. Others say they’ve reached a deeper connection than they ever knew they could have. Hold Me Tight®️ really is a different kind of couples retreat. What’s so different about it?

The Problem Beneath the Surface

If you notice cracks in the walls or floors of your home, you could slap on a coat of paint or filler, cover up the problem and pretend everything is fine or you could have a serious look at the foundation. You may have to dig underground, do some real work, but underground is where you will find and most likely fix what’s wrong.

A Hold Me Tight ^®️ couples retreat can do that for your relationship. Hold Me Tight ^®️ is a deeper dive, a chance to go beyond “couple cosmetics” and simple fixes. Do you ever wonder why you and your partner seem to get into the same arguments? Maybe different topics, but the same pattern? Do you wonder how you can love one another so much, but can’t seem to get it right? The more you try, the worse things get? It’s either combat or Cold War and all you know is that it hurts. Turns out that there are not only good, but logical reasons for the crazy patterns we get into in love. Hold Me Tight ^®️ will help you make sense of that.

Hold Me Tight ^®️ is About Attachment

Hold Me Tight ^®️ is based on the science of attachment , decades of solid research and results that help couples understand what each partner wants and needs, what makes our love tick and how to truly repair problems before the relationship crumbles. Hold Me Tight ^®️ will show you that all couples (indeed, all humans) have a hard wired craving for a close connection. We want to be seen and heard, valued, respected and confident that our partner is there for us. That is our emotional foundation. Without that, we suffer, we struggle and cracks in the relationship start to show. If we don’t fix that foundation, if we don’t restore that connection, then no amount of window dressing, no amount of skills building or negotiating will hold things together. The house will crumble.

Hold Me Tight ^®️ is Experiential

But, Hold Me Tight ^®️ is not only about teaching and learning. It’s about experiencing. In a Hold Me Tight ^®️ retreat, couples actually build that stronger foundation in real time, through non-threatening, low key conversations that help partners see one another in a new way and show up for one another like perhaps they never had before. Couples don’t just learn about this new connection; they actually experience it.

Hold Me Tight ^®️ is a deeper dive. It really is different from any other couples retreat. Buildings with a strong foundation last for the long run. Relationships are the same way. Strengthen your foundation. Restore the safety and stability that you both need. See what two days together in a Hold Me Tight ^®️ couples retreat can do. Sign up today.

Strengthen the Foundation of Your Relationship with Hold Me Tight® Couples Retreats in Orlando, Florida and Beyond

Your relationship deserves a solid foundation that will stand the test of time. Strengthen the bond you share with your partner and bring back the safety and stability you both crave. Sign up for a Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat today and discover the difference it can make. Your love story awaits its next chapter – don't miss out.

Learn more about Vick i and Mark .
Fill out the online contact form .
Join us in Orlando in August !

Strengthening Connection and Communication in a Hold Me Tight®️ Couples Retreat

mbecklpc@gmail.com (Mark Beck) — Tue, 20 Jun 2023 11:16:10 GMT

Couples in distress usually have one nagging question that they can’t seem to figure out: “How did we get here? What happened to us? We started out deeply in love, starry eyed, confident and sure it would last forever. But look at us now. How did we fall out of love?”

Someone said that love is like a deck of cards. We start out with two hearts and a diamond; we end up looking for a club and a spade. Indeed, how does that happen? How do couples too often go from newlywed to nearly dead? No two couples are the same, but they often end up asking that same question.

And the answers are many and varied. There is usually no shortage of blame to go around. Most troubled couples can list all their partner’s faults and failures. (I get to hear both sides when they come to me for therapy. Each is an expert on why their partner is the bad guy.

It’s M ore than a Lack of Love

As couples ask, “What is it? What happened to us?” I’ll tell you what it isn’t. It isn’t a lack of love. Most couples who fail love each other—very much. And it isn’t about money or sex or religion or in-laws or children or any of the countless other things couples fight about.

It’s something deeper, more basic. This is one of the things we learn together in a Hold Me Tight ^®️ couples retreat . Hold Me Tight ^®️ is based in attachment science. Years of research and results have taught us that all humans, from cradle to coffin, crave connection, a safe dependable bond with a partner who is there for us…who sees us, values us, responds to us, accepts and embraces us unconditionally. That connection is the essence of love. And it’s the loss of that connection that spells trouble for any intimate relationship.

It’s a Lack of Connection

So, it’s a loss of connection. That’s where relationships suffer and fail. All the well intended skills building and negotiating and problem solving in the world are useless without a safe, dependable bond. So, that’s where we start in a Hold Me Tight ^®️ couples retreat . We help couples learn what’s really happening when we conflict , when we pull apart and put up our walls. We learn about how and why we end up distant and disconnected. Then, we set about changing the conversation.

The Conversation has to Change

Couples in distress are often stuck in debates, cycles of blame and defensiveness. They try to convince one another who is right and who is wrong. They litigate, try to make their case and, while both are talking, neither is listening, neither is connecting. Conversations become confrontations and those cycles go around and around. This is where couples begin to lose hope. When everything you try gets you to the same place —still disconnected, when nothing you try works, before long you being to believe that nothing you try will ever work. That’s when couples throw in the towel.

Hold Me Tight ^®️ Couples Retreats are About Going Deeper

In a Hold Me Tight ^®️ couples retreat, we change the conversation. We help couples understand better what they really need and how to share that. A Hold Me Tight ^®️ retreat is not just learning. It’s also doing. Couples get to have the conversations they never knew they needed to have, or how to have them. Couples venture into the waters of empathy and vulnerability. Mind you, we don’t twist arms. Couples go at their own pace. But they learn to have conversations, not confrontations. And they leave understanding better how to have and hold the connection that we all crave.

Ready to Improve Your Connection? Sign up for Our Upcoming Couples Retreat in Florida Today!

A Hold Me Tight ^®️ couples retreat is about strengthening connection and deepening communication in the relationship that most matters to you. In just two days, you will discover a road map to finding and keeping a connection that lasts for the long run. Couples the world over have learned the lessons of love in Hold Me Tight ^®️ . You and your partner can be one of them.

Learn more about Vick i and Mark .
Fill out the online contact form .
Join us in Orlando in August !

Couples Retreat or Couples Therapy?

mbecklpc@gmail.com (Mark Beck) — Tue, 20 Jun 2023 10:49:05 GMT

What is the Difference?

A Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat can be great for your relationship. But, some people confuse a couples retreat with couples therapy . That’s understandable, but the two are definitely different. Some couples do both, but each is its own experience. Here are a few differences.

A Couples Retreat is a Group Experience

Whereas couples therapy usually involves just the couple and their therapist, a Hold Me Tight ^®️ couples retreat in Florida consists of any number of couples learning and interacting together. While it’s a low key, laid back experience and no one is put on the spot or forced to share, it’s comforting and encouraging for couples to learn how much they share in common with others—their emotions, their actions, their reactions, their struggles, their needs and longings. Our desire to connect, to be seen, heard, valued, trusted, embraced, cared for by our key other, our “attachment figure,” is something all humans share. Realizing how similar we are, how much we have in common, how much we can give and receive from one another in a Hold Me Tight ^®️ couples retreat makes the two days together profoundly enriching and edifying. That dynamic just doesn’t happen the same way in couples therapy.

Couples Retreats are Less “Problem Focused”

Most couples come to therapy with a specific problem or crisis to address . There is often an air of “emergency” in couples therapy. Therapy, by definition is about fixing something. Couples retreats have a different focus. While some couples indeed come to a Hold Me Tight ^®️ couples retreat facing difficulty or feeling distress, the weekend is really geared to those couples aiming to enhance and improve their relationship, rather than repair specific problems. Thus, couples who attend a retreat need not be “in crisis” or struggling.

A Couples Retreat in Florida is About Prevention and Wellness

Think of the difference between a vitamin and a medicine or between a tune up and a rebuild on your car engine. In either case, one is about prevention and wellness; the other is about fixing a specific problem. Thus, many couples come to a Hold Me Tight®️ couples retreat not so much to fix problems as to make their strong relationship even stronger. In those two short days, they come to understand their partner and their connection more deeply. They build on their strengths, as opposed merely to fixing what might be broken. Think of Hold Me Tight®️ as a great fitness program for your relationship. Go to the gym now and you might not need the doctor later.

Neither Takes the Place of the Other

A Hold Me Tight ^®️ retreat is not therapy and therapy is not a retreat. It’s both/and, not either/or. Each has their place and either can complement the other. For example, couples already in therapy who attend a Hold Me Tight ^®️ retreat often leave saying the retreat enhanced and boosted their therapy. They find that the information and insights they gained in the retreat really kicked their therapy into another gear. And some couples whose first step was a Hold Me Tight ^®️ retreat learn in that weekend together that they have more work to do and Emotionally Focused Therapy (which is the foundation of the Hold Me Tight ^®️ model) is how they want to proceed. Those couples leave knowing where they want to go and how to get there. Believe me, that alone is worth the price of admission.

Strengthen Your Relationship With a Hold Me Tight® Couples Retreat in Florida Today!

A Hold Me Tight ^®️ couples retreat is powerful and transformational, be it a stand alone experience or an adjunct to couples therapy. Couples the world over have discovered the power of Hold Me Tight ^®️ . Wherever you are in your journey as a couple, make a Hold Me Tight ^®️ couples retreat the next milestone in your relationship.

Learn more about Mark and Vicki .
Complete the contact form .
Sign up for the August retreat .

Untangling Your Knots at a Couples Retreat in Orlando, FL

mbecklpc@gmail.com (Mark Beck) — Mon, 12 Jun 2023 10:54:18 GMT

All Couples Get Tangled Up

Living in Florida, I do a lot of fishing. I may not catch many fish, but I’m pretty good at getting my line tangled. I’m actually an expert at that! Although I try to avoid it, it sort of comes with the territory when I go fishing. I’m doing fine one minute and, the next, I’ve got a world class tangle and I’m wondering, “How in the world did that happen…again? How did I make such a mess and how in the world do I undo it?” Everything stops until I straighten things out. But that takes time and patience. It’s frustrating, definitely no fun and, to make matters worse, often my best efforts only succeed in making a bigger mess. Sometimes, I just want to pack up my gear and go home.

The More You Try to Fix it the More Tangled You Get

Relationships can be that way too. No matter how in love we might be, all couples get “tangled up” from time to time. It’s fairly inevitable. We don’t set out to do it; it’s not how we want our relationship to go, but tangles sort of come with the territory in love. One minute, things are going fine and the next, we misunderstand, misinterpret, misspeak, someone’s feelings get hurt and everything grinds to a halt. Our lines are crossed. We’re stuck and nothing good happens until we can straighten things out. And often, the more we try to fix it or figure it out, the more tangled we get. Things just go from bad to worse and we wonder, “How in the world did that happen…again?” It’s easy to get discouraged, frustrated. We might even want to throw in the towel and give up.

You Can Make Sense of What Seems So Confusing in a Couples Retreat

Wouldn’t you love to understand those tangles, not just how they happened but, more than that, how to work them out, how to get back to the fun you were having before everything got crossed up in the first place? I’ve got good news: that’s what we do in a Hold Me Tight ^®️ couples retrea t. Hold Me Tight ^®️ is based on the groundbreaking science of attachment . Together with other couples over two low key, fun days together, you and your partner will find out, first, that you aren’t alone. All couples get tangled up and, second, those messes really do make sense. Contrary to how it looks when things are so knotted, love is more than just a jumble of criss crossed emotions and desires. In Hold Me Tight ^®️ couples retreats , you’ll make sense of what can be so confusing. You’ll learn about the connection that all couples want and need, but is so often missing. You’ll begin to understand your partner in ways you never did. When those terrible tangles begin to make sense, you’re one step closer to straightening them out.

Couples Retreats Can Untangle Those Knots

In a Hold Me Tight ^®️ couples retreat, you’ll learn that we all have ways of coping with our tangles, trying to straighten things out. Maybe we get critical, blame, find fault with or interrogate our partner. Or maybe we run for cover, shut down, avoid, obfuscate, minimize, defend. Some of us pursue our partner, some pull away. But those many and various moves really only make things worse, until we slow down and understand what we really need.

The Beauty of Untangling Knots

It’s beautiful when couples finally see that, in those tangled up messes that we all encounter, something deeper is happening, something we don’t often see on the surface. When we finally understand that and let our partner in on it, we can connect in ways that perhaps we never have. It really is possible to untangle the messes we get into. When we understand how we got tangled up and what we really need in that moment, we can work out the knots and get back to the fun that a good relationship is supposed to be in the first place.

Ready to Attend a Couples Retreat in Orlando, FL and Untangle Your Relationship Knots?

Are you a couple that is attending therapy but still feel that something is missing? Do you there is more you could be doing to improve your relationship on a fundamental level? Are you ready to take the next step? If any of these sound like where you are at in your life, you are not alone. Hold Me Tight® Couples R etreats, offered by Vicki and Mark, offer a safe place to reconnect and learn how to grow in your relationship. This workshop will leave you equipped to continue enriching your relationship long after the weekend is over. Follow the steps below to get started on your empowering journey.

Get to know more about Vicki and Mark here.
Fill out our convenient online contact form .
Prepare for a powerful life changing experience!

Paradigm Shift at Hold Me Tight® Workshops in Florida and Beyond

kennedycounseling@yahoo.com (Vicki Kennedy) — Mon, 08 May 2023 17:29:13 GMT

When we use the word "transformational" to describe the experience at a Hold Me Tight Workshop , we do not do so lightly. The 2-day immersion in the most powerful modality in couples therapy, backed by 30 years of research, provides paradigm shifts for everyone! Attendees step into a different view of self, a different view of their partners, and also a different view of the relationship. Incredible as it is, these shifts all happen over the course of just 2 days, "transformational"!

Renew Your View of Self in Our Couples Retreat

Attendees begin to see that their reactive behaviors make sense in their dynamic. For example, "I am an angry person and flip out on my partner when triggered", might shift and soften into "My anger towards my partner is my go-to move of protection of a much more vulnerable part I have not been able to show them"; a vulnerable part buried long ago. Our view of self changes from one of "I am powerless over our dynamic", into " I am in the driver's seat and have a sense of agency". Most of the time attendees are peering into these parts of. themselves for the first time: this rich inner world of vulnerabilities is filled with raw emotions and unmet longings that are all needing to be expressed.

Change Your View of Your Partner

One of the first key paradigm shifts that takes place at the workshop is the view of our partner: from enemy to ally. As you may imagine, in just about 100% of relationships, couples see their partner as the source of their pain, and as the enemy. When your partner withdraws in the heat of a fight, and on the outside turns ice cold, it is easy to perceive their behavior as uncaring, disinterested in our feelings, and rejecting.

Widen the Lens

But by widening the lens through which we see them (the attachment lens) and their "moves" in the dance, we see that their withdrawing is actually coming from a place of deeply caring about protecting the connection, as they withdraw to lower the negative energy in the dynamic. So the paradigm shift allows them to see that their partners "bad behavior" actually has "good intentions"! Through this understanding, and various exercises, couples come to see that the negative cycle between them is actually the enemy, not their partner.

Improve Your View of Your Relationship in Our Couples Retreat

My relationship does not have to be a source of pain, frustration, and disconnect, but rather sacred ground for me to heal my deepest wounds, and get my longings met. Love does not have to hurt! And at the workshop we offer the map for couples to encode the mystery of love. We do not have to leave our relationship success up to chance; the most important thing in our lives, our relationship with our beloved can be a place of the ultimate connection, but we do have to understand the science of love, and how to apply it.

At the workshop couples almost immediately step out of a place of powerlessness, and instead are re infused with hope by being in the drivers seat of their relationship. We show couples how to take the precious energy used up in negative cycles that disconnect them, and redirect it into positive bonding spirals that connects them.

Give Your Couples Counseling a Boost with a Hold Me Tight® Couples Retreat in Florida, Georgia, South Carolina, and Beyond!

Are you a couple that is attending therapy but still feel that something is missing? Do you there is more you could be doing to improve your relationship on a fundamental level? Are you ready to take the next step? If any of these sound like where you are at in your life, you are not alone. Hold Me Tight® Couples Workshops , offered by Vicki and Mark, offer a safe place to reconnect and learn how to grow in your relationship as the perfect accompaniment to your couples therapy. This workshop will leave you equipped to continue enriching your relationship long after the weekend is over. Follow the steps below to get started on your empowering journey.

Get to know more about Vicki and Mark here.
Fill out our convenient online contact form .
Prepare for a powerful life changing experience!

Learning the Language of Love

mbecklpc@gmail.com (Mark Beck) — Mon, 08 May 2023 16:54:22 GMT

Have you ever used “Google Translate?” It’s that cool app that will translate from one language to another in real time. With the help of a smartphone, two people from different continents or cultures can understand each other.

How amazing is that? What will they come up with next, right?

But, I heard someone quip the other day, “Forget Google Translate; I need an app for my relationship. I need an app to help me understand what my wife is saying. Sometimes, she may was well be speaking a foreign language. I can’t make sense of her. I need help translating. Can Google Translate do that?”

Boy, I wish it could!

Sometimes it Feels Like You are Speaking a Different Language Than Your Partner!

If you’re in a committed relationship, I’ll bet you’ve been there.

Sometimes, it feels like you are speaking one language and your partner is speaking another , especially when you don’t see eye to eye. Conflict has a way of spinning up so fast, almost out of the blue. A facial expression, a gesture or a tone of voice can send messages you never knew and didn’t intend.

What you say can get lost in how you say it. You want to reach to your partner in love, but it gets garbled in anger or indifference. And you feel miles apart from the one you want to feel closest to.

In the heat of conflict, it’s like you’re talking different languages. It’s confusing and discouraging when conversation turns to confrontation. In a matter of seconds, it’s combat or Cold War and you just don’t understand.

And somehow, try as you might, it keeps happening. You can’t seem to get out of your own way. What you wouldn’t give to understand and be understood.

Make Sense of the Conflict

Google Translate may not help here, but something else can.

Hold Me Tight ^®️ is like Google Translate for your love!

A Hold Me Tight ^®️ couples weekend workshop can clear up the confusion and help you finally understand one another.

Hold Me Tight ^®️ workshops are based in attachment science, years of research and results that help us make sense of what often makes no sense in love. Why do you react the way you do when your partner criticizes or ignores or disappoints you? Why do you get angry or shut down? Why does your partner push back or pull away? Why do we get into these vicious, seemingly endless cycles with our partner, the one we love most?

Believe it or not, those questions have answers. Hold Me Tight ^®️ will show you that love is not a hopeless mystery. In fact, it makes exquisite sense.

Learn to Speak a New Language in a Couples Retreat

Once your relationship begins to make sense, you can respond and relate to your partner differently. Your conversations will change. When you better understand what you want and need, and what your partner wants and needs, you can send clear messages; and you can understand them from your partner. You’ll be talking the same language!

Some couples who’ve been in therapy for years find that, in just two days together, they begin to decipher what had them hopelessly stuck. Conversations you’ve avoided, that you never knew you could have, become safe when you learn the language of love.

Learn the Language of Love at a Hold Me Tight ^®️ Couples Workshop in Florida

If your relationship seems like the two of you are speaking different languages, it isn’t a smartphone and Google Translate that you need. It’s a smart relationship and Hold Me Tight ^®️ . Join thousands of other couples the world over who have learned to speak the same language. Hold Me Tight ^®️ workshops are a low key, fun and safe way to become the couple you want to be. Get started today learning the language of love!

Bolster Your Couples Therapy Today with a Hold Me Tight® Couples Retreat in Florida

Are you a couple that is attending therapy but still feel that something is missing? Do you there is more you could be doing to improve your relationship on a fundamental level? Are you ready to take the next step? If any of these sound like where you are at in your life, you are not alone. Hold Me Tight® Couples Workshops , offered by Vicki and Mark, offer a safe place to reconnect and learn how to grow in your relationship as the perfect accompaniment to your couples therapy. This workshop will leave you equipped to continue enriching your relationship long after the weekend is over. Follow the steps below to get started on your empowering journey.

Get to know more about Vicki and Mark here.
Fill out our convenient online contact form .
Prepare for a powerful life changing experience!

Give Your Couples Therapy a Shot in the Arm with a Hold Me Tight® Workshop

kennedycounseling@yahoo.com (Vicki Kennedy) — Mon, 10 Apr 2023 19:49:34 GMT

Give Your Couples Therapy a Shot in the Arm with a Hold Me Tight® Workshop by Couples Workshops of Florida

We are often asked, “how does a Hold Me Tight Workshop benefit me if I am already working with an EFT therapist in couples counseling or am about to begin the process of couples counseling?”. The best way to answer this is to look at couples therapy and a Hold Me Tight Workshop as a both/and proposition, not either/or. In other words, each makes the other better. They have a symbiotic relationship.

Our Couples Retreat is a Transformational Experience

As a couples therapist who specializes in Emotionally Focused Therapy and has the pleasure of both, working with couples in my private practice, as well as being a facilitator at the workshops, I can tell you that the experience of being with other couples in a room for 2 days saturated in what is considered to be the most powerful modality in couples therapy, is nothing short of transformational.

Connecting with Other Couples

First and foremost, being with other couples helps us not feel so alone as we quickly recognize that all couples have some dysfunctional ways of communicating; ways that do not serve them. I like to see this coming together as a way of cutting through the shame that binds us and keeps us hidden, a reality that is all too common among couples who are struggling.

A Front Loaded Approach

Secondly, we front load the workshop by presenting the science of why and how couples get stuck in their cycle, which almost immediately helps attendees experience a paradigm shift as they begin to loosen the grip on the long held belief that their partner is the enemy. Instead, they recognize the cycle as the enemy and they are caught by forces that seem beyond their control.

A Roadmap of Hope

It is worth pointing out that while working with couples in session, we are moving them through a deeply experiential process, and our hour together leaves no time to present things like the science of love, show videos to deepen understanding, and introduce diagrams with concepts such as “mapping your cycle”: all of which help widen the lens through which they see themselves and their partners. Essentially, the workshop offers the template of the EFT model, and a roadmap of hope, as it lays the foundation for the couple to enhance the work they are doing with their therapist.

Gain a Better Understanding of Emotionally Focused Therapy

The workshop helps attendees deepen their understanding of the Eft Cycle (dance) as they move through the exercises in the workbook; a workbook that is filled with slides from the PowerPoint presentation. Attendees gain confidence in their ability to conceptualize their cycle from a birds eye view as they zoom out and map out their moves in the dance together, as a team. This experience at the workshop actually helps couples identify areas in which they are stuck so that they can take it back to their therapist and go deeper in the work together. I like to see this as grist for the mill, as couples deepen their understanding of their and their partners raw spots.

Hold Me Tight® Workshops Strengthen and Improve the Results of Tradtional Couples Therapy

Throughout the Hold Me Tight Workshops we remind attendees that the workshop is not therapy! Therapy in the EFT model with a trained EFT Therapist is experiential in nature and requires taking the client into the deepest most tender parts of their hearts; a journey which changes them systemically. Certainly this level of psychotherapy cannot be accomplished in a 2 day workshop. But every EFT Therapist who has sent their clients to us knows that they will benefit from the experience, and that it will only make the clients therapy more fruitful, effective, and efficient. Time and again the feedback we receive from colleagues who have sent their clients to the workshop is that it has benefited the clients journey in therapy. It is, well, just the shot in the arm they need to get a much needed boost.

Bolster Your Couples Therapy Today with a Hold Me Tight® Couples Retreat in Florida

Are you a couple that is attending therapy but still feel that something is missing? Do you there is more you could be doing to improve your relationship on a fundamental level? Are you ready to take the next step? If any of these sound like where you are at in your life, you are not alone. Hold Me Tight® Couples Workshops , offered by Vicki and Mark, offer a safe place to reconnect and learn how to grow in your relationship as the perfect accompaniment to your couples therapy. This workshop will leave you equipped to continue enriching your relationship long after the weekend is over. Follow the steps below to get started on your empowering journey.

Get to know more about Vicki and Mark here.
Fill out our convenient online contact form .
Prepare for a powerful life changing experience!

A Hold Me Tight®️ couples workshop is a one size fits all tool for couples.

mbecklpc@gmail.com (Mark Beck) — Mon, 10 Apr 2023 17:31:10 GMT

A Hold Me Tight®️ Couples Workshop is a One Size Fits All Tool for Couples.

Its beauty lies in its versatility. While no two couples are alike, all couples tend to share similar patterns, preferences and problems. We are all looking for a connection, a safe, dependable bond for a lifetime. A Hold Me Tight®️ workshop based on the bestselling book by Dr. Sue Johnson , helps any couple understand these dynamics better. And that is true for couples of all configurations, including same sex couples. Society has too long focused on the differences between binary and non-binary couples. The politics of fear has instilled suspicion and animosity where it need not be. In truth, couples are far more alike than different, regardless of their sexual orientation.

Same Sex Couples Face Unique Challenges

Yet and still, same sex couples do face unique challenges and obstacles. These couples often encounter isolation, ostracism and opposition from family, in the workplace and in society at large. Attitudes and norms are changing, but can still be harsh, judgmental and punitive. Same sex couples often face obstacles that binary couples simply don’t. And, while many same sex couples are truly resilient, tenacious and deeply committed, the added pressures they face can be hard and take a toll on a relationship. This is why a HMT®️ workshop can be especially helpful for same sex couples. The bigger the challenges and obstacles, the more couples need a strong bond and safe connection. A HMT®️ workshop offers all that in spades!

Lessons of Attachment Science

We all have needs and desires… to be seen, heard, felt, understood and, most of all, valued. We all need to know that we matter to our special one. We crave that connection. We seek it from cradle to coffin. A HMT®️ workshop teaches the lessons of attachment science. Couples learn to understand better what for so long has seemed a mystery. Love really makes exquisite sense. The more we understand, the more we can manage, shape and strengthen our relationships.

Learn Empathy and Understanding During Couples Retreats

HMT®️ helps partners open up and become more accessible and responsive and engaged with each another. Couples learn to be more vulnerable, to recognize and then express their needs, desires, fears and flaws. Couples learn empathy and understanding; they learn to be there for one another.

Gain a New Perspective

Couples come away with a different perspective, not only on their partner, but on themselves and their relationship. They come away feeling safer with their partner and more able to support one another. They often heal past hurts and find hope they never had (or thought they’d never have again).

Create a Strong Bond

HMT®️ workshops help couples to connect on a deep, primary level. Skills like these are crucial for any couple. But, for same sex couples facing pervasive pressures and challenges in the real world, the safety and comfort of a strong, dependable bond can make all the difference toward a happy, lifelong loving relationship.

Everyone is Welcome at Our Couples Retreat

In our HMT®️ couples workshops, Vicki and Mark take all comers, all couples, any age, any stage, any configuration. No two are totally alike, but all have so much in common—and that’s what we focus on. Come join us.

Begin Strengthening Your Relationship Today with a Hold Me Tight® Couples Retreat in Florid a

Are you are a Same Sex Couple and find the challenges of the world overwhelming your relationship? Do you find connecting on a personal level to be more and more challenging? Is it a struggle to feel safe and secure in your relationship? If any of these sound like where you are at in your life, you are not alone. Hold Me Tight® Couples Workshops , offered by Vicki and Mark, offer a safe place to reconnect and learn how to grow in your relationship. This workshop will leave you equipped to continue enriching your relationship long after the weekend is over. Follow the steps below to get started on your empowering journey.

Get to know more about Vicki and Mark here.
Fill out our convenient online contact form .
Prepare for a powerful life changing experience!

Stay in the Game!

mbecklpc@gmail.com (Mark Beck) — Thu, 23 Mar 2023 14:19:58 GMT

Stay in the Game!

It’s baseball season again! Opening day is right around the corner. In baseball, a player's batting average quantifies how often he hits and reaches base successfully. No one has finished a season batting over .400 since the 1940's. A .400 batting average means that a hitter gets a hit four times out of ten. Of course, it also means that he is unsuccessful six times out of ten. That is, over half the time, he fails, yet a .400 batting average will get you into the Hall of Fame. But, when he gets out, what does that batter do? He doesn't quit. He comes to bat the next time and tries to do better, tries to correct mistakes and hit successfully, however many times he may have failed before.

Successful couples do the same thing. John Gottman has discovered that sometimes the difference between healthy couples and unhealthy ones is not that great. If you think, for instance, that healthy couples never conflict, you'd be dead wrong. Healthy couples not only conflict, they sometimes just plain blow it. In other words, they "strike out." Their best attempts to communicate or problem solve sometimes fail. They misinterpret, misunderstand, misspeak and just plain miss , and probably more times than not. But they do one thing that unhealthy couples don't do. They repair. (I like that word: they “re-pair,” become a pair again.) They get back in the game and try to get it right the next time. They believe in one another's good intentions, give their partner the benefit of the doubt and focus on one another's better traits enough to keep aiming for success.

So, even if it seems that you get it wrong more than you get it right, don't give up. Healthy couples stay in the game. Healthy couples repair. Find and point out a positive in your partner. More are there than you think. When you see those positives, say them. The Bible says, "Love is patient; love is kind. Love never fails." It does not give up. If you keep having the same arguments, therapy can help. But don't give up.

These are the things we learn in a Hold Me Tight®️ couples weekend workshop. We learn how we get stuck, why we “have trouble hitting a curve ball,” and how to improve our success rate. We learn how to make a good thing better and become “winning” couples. Come to “spring training” in beautiful Orlando. Couples often say they learn more in two days of Hold Me Tight®️ than in months of therapy. Find out for yourself. Our next workshop is just weeks away. Sign up today!

Low Risk, High Reward

mbecklpc@gmail.com (Mark Beck) — Tue, 14 Mar 2023 14:29:10 GMT

Low Risk, High Reward

Get rich quick schemes are everywhere. When it comes to investing, the old adage applies: “If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.” So, beware promises that require low input and promise high output. The truth is, most of the time, no risk brings no reward.

But, sometimes, the risk only appears big and the return is still great.

My case in point is a Hold Me Tight®️ couples weekend workshop. Some couples think a weekend workshop is a big risk, a step into uncharted water that they just don’t want to try. They think, “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. Don’t upset the apple cart. Who knows what can of worms we might open up? I’d rather not touch that.”

If that’s you, let me ease your mind. A Hold Me Tight®️ workshop may be new to you, but my colleague, Vicki Kennedy and I have been leading these incredible events for almost five years now and we can assure you that no one, not one person has ever died in one of our workshops. We have a perfect record!

Seriously, HMT®️ is a low key, laid back group event where couples meet other couples and find how much they have in common: common wishes, common fears, common reactions. We’re all so alike. In HMT®️, we make sense of what so often makes no sense: how we hurt one another, why we do the things we do, what we truly need most in love.

HMT®️ is not therapy. But, many couples make more progress in this two day workshop than they might in months of therapy. It’s a safe space where couples go at their own pace. We don’t push you; we point you toward closer and deeper connection that lasts. You risk exactly as much as you decide. And the reward can be priceless.

How much is your relationship worth? Hold Me Tight®️ is truly a low risk/high reward proposition. Find out for yourself. Our next event is April 28 & 29. Don’t miss it. Sign up today!

Come Into the Sunshine!

mbecklpc@gmail.com (Mark Beck) — Mon, 06 Mar 2023 14:02:24 GMT

Come Into the Sunshine!

Springtime is near and it’s getting warmer. (Yay!) Everybody loves sunshine, but, living in Florida, one learns quickly that the sun can do damage—to skin, to eyes, to the immune system. I keep two things readily on hand: sunscreen and Solarcaine. Sunscreen is for protection. Solarcaine is for relief. It’s good to have both. I’d rather prevent sunburn, but when it happens, it’s good to know how to ease the pain.

As a couples therapist, I know that love is like emotional sunshine. It feels good and we all crave it. We need it. But, sometimes, love hurts—and even does damage. We’ve all “been burned” by love sometime along the way. I’ve seen the damage from love gone wrong. You probably have too. We need to protect the relationships that matter most to us. And, when we do get hurt, we need to know how to heal.

That’s what we do at a Hold Me Tight®️ couples weekend workshop. We learn how love works and why we sometimes get burned. It’s awesome to watch couples begin to make sense of what so often makes no sense, why they seem to hurt (and get hurt by) the one they love most. Couples learn to reconnect, sometimes after years of distance and disconnection. They learn to relieve pain and heal. And they learn how to prevent those hurts in the future. They learn to apply “emotional sunscreen” that makes burns less frequent and less severe in the first place.

Hold Me Tight®️ is not therapy. But many couples say that in this two day, low key group experience, they learn and grow more than they might in months of therapy. Very often, they use words like “transformation” and “restoration” to describe their experience.

Whether your relationship is in real pain or you just want to protect it for the long run, come to sunny Florida and get some emotional “Vitamin C” (the C stands for connection) at our next Hold Me Tight®️ workshop. Sign up today!

Help Is There

mbecklpc@gmail.com (Mark Beck) — Sun, 29 Jan 2023 21:48:34 GMT

Give Your Relationship the Help it Needs

The American Journal of Public Health estimated that 45,000 Americans die annually because they do not have health insurance. Without routine, accessible medical care, minor injuries and common illnesses can become serious and even deadly. No one should suffer or die for lack of medical care.

I’m not a doctor, but I help treat relationship illness and injury. Everyday, I see couples suffer and sometimes separate because they didn’t get help. No relationship is flawless. But, problems aren’t the problem. It’s when problems go unattended, ignored and untreated that they can fester and spread and sometimes needlessly kill the relationship.

Don’t be one of those couples. Help is out there. And many couples the world over have turned their relationship around in just two days at a Hold Me Tight®️ couples weekend workshop.

Hold Me Tight®️ is based on ground breaking attachment science and the tenets of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT). HMT®️ has transformed relationships the world over. But, HMT®️ is not therapy. It’s a low key, fun group experience in which you and your partner can learn and grow more in two days than you might in months of therapy.

No relationship should suffer or die for lack of help. Come join us in beautiful Orlando, FL for a weekend that can change your life and your love. And best of all, our next HMT®️ is February 10 and 11. Space is limited. Sign up today!

Life and Love Worth Living

mbecklpc@gmail.com (Mark Beck) — Mon, 16 Jan 2023 15:24:25 GMT

Life--and Love--Worth Finding

The late Jim Valvano, former men’s basketball coach at N.C. State University gave a memorable speech not long before he died in 1993. He was a powerful motivator with great insights. In his speech, before a nationwide audience, Valvano said all of us should experience three things everyday in a life worth living. First, we should laugh. Something should stir our joy and levity. Second, we should cry. We should be moved to tears. And third, we should learn. We should all know something at the end of the day that we didn’t know when we woke up that morning. Laugh, cry and learn: those are the staples for a full and fulfilling life.

I think he’s right. Thirty years later, Jim Valvano’s words still come to me often.

All of us aim for a life worth living. And, I think, all of us aim for a love worth finding, a relationship that is worth the work and worth the risk. Aim high in 2023. Do something great for your love. Sign up today for a Hold Me Tight®️ couples weekend workshop and all three of those important daily experiences will happen during our two days together.

You will laugh…as you see how much common ground all couples share, as your love life comes into focus. You’ll laugh in the relief that love really does make sense.

You will cry as you find a connection you never knew you could so easily have. HMT®️ is not about confrontation or pain. But, just drawing closer to the one you most want to be close to will often make your eyes sweat!

And you will learn. You will learn what real science has taught us about love, about what pulls us apart and what holds us together. You will discover tools you never knew you had and come away more confident in your connection. In just two days, you can grow in ways that months of counseling can't provide.

Hold Me Tight®️ workshops have transformed relationships the world over. Yours can be one of them. Our next HMT®️ is just a few weeks away. In 2023, aim for a life—and a love—worth living!

Together for Life

mbecklpc@gmail.com (Mark Beck) — Fri, 06 Jan 2023 01:00:37 GMT

Together for Life

A few years ago, my granddaughter, Nevaeh and I saw something special. Sandhill cranes are prolific in Florida. Every Spring, new chicks hatch. We saw a beautiful pair of adult cranes near our house with two young chicks close by. I explained to Nevaeh that sandhill cranes usually have two babies at a time and the adults mate for life. I told her that means the mommy and daddy bird stay together until one of them dies. Nevaeh thought about that for a minute and said, “I wish my mommy and daddy would do that.”

Now, that will make your eyes water.

As a couples therapist, I know that restoring marriages can restore whole families. For those couples fortunate enough to have children, that is another priceless reason to care for their relationship. The best thing parents can give their children is a healthy marriage. Many studies show that parents who nurture a strong relationship give their kids the best possible shot at good health and well being as they grow, not to mention healthy relationships of their own as adults.

How much is your relationship worth? You’d no doubt say it’s priceless.

What is one great thing you can do to make it better?

How about a trip to Orlando?

I’m excited to invite any couples (engaged, living together, married, no matter how long), to attend a “Hold Me Tight”® couples weekend workshop here in Florida. A Hold Me Tight® weekend workshop is not marriage therapy. It’s education and experience in a safe setting that will strengthen and enhance your connection. It could be the best investment you’ll ever make in your family. Attending a couples workshop is not a sign that your relationship is in trouble. Indeed, it shows how much you treasure it.

Jim Rohn said, “You don’t have to be sick to get better.”

That couldn’t be more true when it comes to relationships. Don’t wait to “get sick.” Make a good thing better now. Do your relationship a favor and do it in the sunshine state. Our next workshop is February 10 and 11, the weekend before Valentine’s Day!

Space is limited. Sign up today!

Good Intentions, Bad Results

mbecklpc@gmail.com (Mark Beck) — Mon, 24 Oct 2022 16:16:08 GMT

Good Intentions, Bad Results

A line from a poem by Robert Burns says, “The best laid plans of mice and men often go awry.” Indeed, good intentions, even the best intentions sometimes produce bad results. And perhaps that is most true in relationships. When couples struggle, when they feel distant and distressed, it’s sad but true that often, the very things they try to fix it only end up making it worse. Some try to "get through" to their partner, but it only comes out as accusation, blame, interrogation or attack. Others try to "keep the peace," but it only looks to their partner like they have shut down and don't care. The more one does one thing, the more the other does the other thing. And they both seem like opponents, if not enemies to the other.

Few people, if any, wake up thinking, “How can I mess up my relationship or make my partner miserable?” Yet, by then end of the day, our partner is convinced that’s exactly what we had in mind.

Why do our good intentions in love often go so bad? Why do we seem to hurt most the one we love? What is going on when we escalate (or isolate) and end up miles apart from the one we most want to be close to? Why is love so confounding? Those are million dollar questions. It feels helpless when what you try either doesn’t work or makes things worse.

But, here’s good news: love is actually not as crazy as you might think. Years of research in the new science of attachment have taught us that indeed, love makes exquisite sense. It is logical and rational. We now understand what seems so strange when our good intentions in love go so wrong.

That is what you will learn in a Hold Me Tight®️ couples weekend workshop—plus a whole lot more. A HMT®️ workshop is two days of learning alongside other couples facing the same struggles and challenges as you. Find out what makes love, what breaks love and how to create a safe, dependable bond with your partner that will last a lifetime.

A HMT®️ workshop is not therapy. It’s a low key, fun way to grow closer to your partner, share important conversations and create a strong, resilient connection you never knew you could have.

Try something that has changed the game for thousands of couples around the world. Get in on the next Hold Me Tight®️ workshop. Sign up today!

Love Should Not Be a Roller Coaster Ride

mbecklpc@gmail.com (Mark Beck) — Mon, 17 Oct 2022 16:45:26 GMT

Love Should not be a Roller Coaster Ride

Do you like roller coasters? The older I get, the less my stomach likes them, but I’ve ridden some of the biggest and fastest. There is something about about the excitement and exhilaration of a scary encounter. A roller coaster ride is a legal, generally safe and relatively cheap natural high. People are so in love with such thrills that they will pay crazy money and wait hours in line for a few moments of hair raising fun…only to do it all over again…and again…and again.

But, in general, our brain points us away from scary, dangerous places. You have an inborn, hard wired aversion to life threatening situations. That’s your survival instinct. It’s there to protect you. And your brain even responds to emotional threats too. Anything like rejection, abandonment, isolation, criticism triggers us and we react. How we react, how far and how fast, is the stuff of much research, but safety is our primary goal.

Attachment Science is teaching us that love is the search for emotional safety, a close, dependable bond with that beloved one who sees us fully, values us, believes in us and is there for us. Love isn’t random, mystical or mythical. It makes perfect sense, even when what we do seems irrational and confusing; through an attachment lens, it makes sense.

These things, and much more, are what we learn in a Hold Me Tight®️ couples weekend workshop. We learn what love means and how we get stuck trying to find that safe connection. And you won’t just learn about love; you will experience it, new ways of connecting, conversations you never knew you could have with your partner. Couples go home with new confidence that they can be there for one another. It’s not therapy; it’s a low key learning experience that can literally transform your relationship.

Thrills and chills are great at an amusement park, but love should never be a roller coaster ride. Find out how to make it safe and fun. Get in on the next HMT®️ workshop!

You're Not Alone

mbecklpc@gmail.com (Mark Beck) — Wed, 05 Oct 2022 12:03:01 GMT

You Aren't Alone

It’s football season again. I often spend Saturdays or Sundays watching a ball game or two. I don’t mind watching alone, but it’s always more fun with a few fellow fans. And it’s way more fun when I get the rare chance to go to a game and be in the stands. There’s something about the crowd, sharing the excitement and intensity with others that makes all the difference. It’s nothing like watching alone at home.

A shared experience is almost always more intense. Whether a concert, sporting event, worship, a political rally, knowing that others can relate, that kindred spirits are with you, makes the experience more meaningful. Research shows that shared experience makes us feel safer and more connected.

In the same way, that is one of the best parts of a Hold Me Tight®️ couples weekend workshop. Many couples think that therapy is the only way to strengthen their relationship. That certainly can help, but a couples workshop is a whole different encounter. In this shared experience, couples learn that they aren’t alone, that all relationships feel uncertain or insecure at times. They find common ground with other couples who can understand and relate. That shared experience can be a real game changer.

HMT®️ is not therapy. It’s a low key learning experience that you and your partner share together. But, you will also learn from others, empathize with others and just know that you and your partner are not alone. We’re all in the same boat and that is comforting. So, join other couples and learn Hold Me Tight®️ lessons that are transforming relationships the world over. Sign up today!

Where Are You Headed?

mbecklpc@gmail.com (Mark Beck) — Tue, 13 Sep 2022 13:33:02 GMT

Healthy couples go together...

I recently took a trip. My journey started at an airport. What an experience that can be: security checks, baggage checks, long lines, delays, expenses. Every day in America, 1.73 million people start their journey at an airport.

Why?

Why go through something so tiresome and tedious? The answer is simple: to get somewhere. Every air traveler has one thing in common: they all have a destination. They have someplace to be. Can you imagine getting on a commercial airliner just to fly around and then come back to where you started…no destination? Sounds pretty foolish.

But, I’ve seen countless couples doing something similar. Marriage is a journey. It can be trying and tedious too. And only one thing makes the trip worthwhile—a destination—getting to a better place—together. How sad when couples have no clue where they are headed. And many are not just wandering; they’re going in opposite directions. They’ve lost one another and all they know is, they are very alone.

That’s painful and scary, definitely not a fun trip.

Healthy couples chart their course together. Destinations can change over time. You can change your route. You will have stops and layovers along the way. But, wherever you go, go together. And a Hold Me Tight®️ couples workshop is a great way to get on the same page. Hold Me Tight®️ is for couples who want to journey together, but who sometimes struggle on the way…and all couples do. It’s not therapy. It’s a low key, high impact two day journey of learning and connecting that can make a world of difference.

Wherever your destination, make the trip together.

Otherwise, what’s the point?

Get in on the next HMT®️ flight now!

Paddling Together

mbecklpc@gmail.com (Mark Beck) — Tue, 30 Aug 2022 21:11:35 GMT

Paddling is easier when you do it together

Since moving to Florida, my wife, Debbie and I have had fun kayaking. We live near scenic waterways and a kayak is really relaxing. But, paddling is work (especially if you’re paddling upstream). That’s especially true in a tandem kayak. First rule of thumb for paddling with a partner: paddle together. It’s more than just being in the same boat. You have to be in synch. Deb sits in front. I’m behind her. If she paddles smoothly and evenly, I can match her stroke and we stay in synch. It takes both of us. We definitely go smoother, straighter (and safer) paddling together. Otherwise, kayaking is much harder than it should be.

That’s a great metaphor for marriage. Couples who stay “in synch” go smoother and straighter. But, what does that mean? How do we do that? It’s about openness. It’s about paying attention, listening, being interested. It sounds simple, but things inevitably get in the way: hurts, slights, missed messages, mixed messages. And, if we ignore or bury them, small problems don’t stay small. Before long, we’re out of synch, off course, living parallel lives and the one we need most feels a thousand miles away.

If your relationship is harder than it should be, if you’re struggling to get in synch and you don’t know what to do, a Hold Me Tight®️ workshop can work wonders. Sometimes, small adjustments make a huge difference. In the span of two days, learn why and how couples disconnect…and how to get back in synch. A HMT®️ workshop is not therapy. It’s a low key, fun way to reconnect and “find your stroke” again as a couple. And you’ll meet other couples and learn that, in many ways, we’re “all in the same boat.” HMT®️ has made a huge difference for countless couples. You can be one of them. Get in on our next workshop today.

No More Fig Leaves

Mon, 14 Dec 2020 18:18:23 GMT

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Have you ever met a “perfect couple?” In the Garden of Eden, Adam and Eve were a perfect couple. Genesis 2:25 describes it this way: “And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.” Naked, totally uncovered, unhidden, vulnerable and not ashamed. That is what marriage is meant to be—where you can be real, open, honest and accepted. We are drawn to that person who will love us for who we are, no judgment, no criticism, no blame or shame. When a relationship is new, we often feel that blissful sense of being known and loved unconditionally. We feel safe and we think it will last forever. It seldom does. If you dance with someone long enough, you’re bound to step on each other’s toes eventually.

As you know, the honeymoon didn’t last for Adam and Eve. In fact, after that blissful description of their connection—naked and unashamed—in the very next verse, enter the serpent. And, after he finished with them, what is the first thing Adam and Eve did? They hid from each other, They covered themselves...with fig leaves. And then they hid from God as well. It’s all there in Genesis 3. Mankind has been hiding ever since.

We all have a little Adam and Eve in us. We aren’t perfect. We step on each other’s toes. Missteps and mistakes in love compel us to cover up, to protect, to hide. We cover our faults, our fears, our failures, afraid to let our loved one see who we really are—imperfect, broken, lonely, afraid. The safety we felt at first gets covered under fig leaves of shame and hurt.

But, here is the serpent’s secret: the vulnerability and openness that you try to avoid is the only thing that will set you free. Fear tells you to hide. God made you to be naked and unashamed. Hiding is never a good choice.

As a therapist, I work to help couples get back to that place with their partner where they can be safe, understood, vulnerable and open.

And I also do that in Hold Me Tight®️ weekend workshops. If you’d like to correct the distance and disconnection that can creep into even loving relationships, if you’d like to learn to be closer and more open, check out Couples Workshops of Florida. Look into a two day workshop near beautiful Orlando. Get all the dates and details at www.couplesworkshopsofflorida.com. Do something great for your relationship!

Introducing Couples Workshop Of Florida

Fri, 26 Jul 2019 13:25:43 GMT

INTRODUCING COUPLES WORKSHOP OF FLORIDA

Benjamin Franklin gets credit for the wise saying: “An ounce of prevention beats a pound of cure.” Indeed, it does. Any doctor will tell you it’s better to prevent an illness than to treat one. Remember the old Fram oil filter commercial from the 1970’s? The mechanic looks at the camera and says, “You can pay me now or pay me later,” meaning, an oil change beats an overhaul any day. From machines to medicine, prevention is best. And that is especially true in relationships.

As a couples therapist, I often see couples who have ignored or abused their relationship to the point where they need major repairs, if not a total rebuild. It often requires great effort and expense, and some couples aren’t up to it. How much better it might have been for them had they gotten “tune ups” along the way.

What is the last great thing you did for your relationship? I don’t just mean a date night or a weekend away. I’m talking about really growing closer, renewing the love that lights your jets. Why not take advantage of the solid science behind love—how to create it, how to strengthen it, how to restore it?

Let Couples Workshops of Florida give you that with a “Hold Me Tight”©️ workshop. A HMT workshop is based on years of research and the practice of Emotionally Focused Therapy. But, the workshop is not therapy. It’s a low intensity, fun way to learn, to tune in to your partner and break out of negative cycles that can create distance and do damage in your relationship. It’s a “tune up” now so that, later on, you won’t need a rebuild. Give your relationship a weekend and add years to your love. Whether engaged, newlywed or long timers, the best relationships get regular maintenance. Orlando, Florida is a great place to make it happen.

Visit our website, www.couplesworkshopsofflorida.com , learn more and do something great for your love.

Written by Mark Beck on Jun 26, 2019

At The Crossroads

Tue, 25 Jun 2019 13:13:09 GMT

AT THE CROSSROADS

At the crossroads of love and science is an art form that offers hope for couples who find themselves stuck in negative patterns of communication. Couples who feel swept up in the undercurrent of these negative patterns, or cycles, can feel disconnected, alone, and frustrated in what is supposed to be the most secure relationship of their lives. The relationship that is designed to fulfill unmet longings and desires can begin to feel more like a source of pain. Let’s face it, the person we most desire to turn to for comfort and connection can sometimes feel more like a stranger, leaving us feeling disconnected, confused, frustrated and sad.

To varying degrees and in different ways, we all get stuck in these styles of relating. The content may change from couple to couple, but research shows the energy of the cycle seems to manifest in a few predictable patterns. Partners either get stuck in a mode of “finding the bad guy,” trying to prove that the discord is the fault of their partner, or, falling into a common pattern of pursue/withdraw.

Couples are finding hope with Emotionally Focused Therapy!

Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy is a state of the art approach for distressed couples and families. Backed by extensive research, it is considered the “gold standard” as no other approach in couples therapy has been able to match the same level of outcome data. EFT for couples is designed to help couples move out of negative cycles that keep them stuck, and learn how to create positive communication styles. EFT for couples is unique in that, unlike other therapies, the model is experiential, which means the couple will be able to enjoy the new change in their relationship right in session.

For more information on upcoming workshops please go to www.CouplesWorkshopsofFlorida.com or contact me at 407.310.4310

Written by Vicki Kennedy on Jun 25, 2019

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Every Couple Needs Adjusment

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Doing the Hard Thing

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A Moment not to Miss

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Update Your Relationship

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Keep Your Relationship Smart

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Protecting Your Relationship

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Florida or North Carolina

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Why Worry about Upkeep?

I Want My Marriage to Last

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Trust is Key

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Trust is Vital

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Change Your Viewing

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Give What You Want to Receive

Hold Me Tight Helps

We All Need Predictability

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It Happens to us All

Good Intentions but Bad Results

Hold Me Tight®️ Couples Retreat